Back in the day...

Ok, OK.  I aim to please my readers....  And many of you have been asking for a picture of me 'back in the day' when I was doing the only career I honestly thought I was MEANT to do, the one that came so naturally, easily and that I loved with every fiber of my being...  The one I had worked towards as my goal since I was a pre-pubescent teenaged girl.  The only career I every thought I would have.  Funny how life can throw you curveballs huh?  Luckily, I was able to enjoy 10 marvelous years doing this so I'm not complaining.  And I've been beyond fortunate to have found another calling that makes me equally happy and engages a totally different side of my brain/personality.  It's been very enlightening on so many levels to be doing something now that is so different from what I used to do.  It's like I've gotten in touch with a completely different side of myself.   While looking for a picture of that monumentally important, personality shaping, decade of my life, I came up surprisingly empty handed.  Turns out I only have a very small handful of pictures of me in uniform.  The reason for that, of course, is that cops don't go around taking pictures of each other in uniform, and I hated having my picture taken as much back then as I do now.  Probably even more so.   This one shot I will be sharing below though has a lovely story behind it.

During a few years while working up in the East Bay, I was neighbors with a little old lady who lived alone in her home.  She didn't have any family in the area and was the sweetest thing ever so I would frequently stop by to quickly say hi and check in on her whenever I could on my days off.  Sometimes I would stop by in uniform when things would slow down enough to allow me to do that.  She always got a monumental kick out of seeing me in uniform.  Even though she was frail and tiny and soft spoken, there was always a spark of feistiness behind her demeanor and I could tell that "back in the day" she must have been quite the little trouble maker! :)

One day while I was stopping by on duty to quickly say hi she asked to take a picture of me.  I relented because I knew how much it meant to her and stood outside her front door as she held up her little disposable Kodak Film Camera and, with shaking little old hands, took the shot.  One shot.  I fully expected my head to be cut off or the image to be sooooo blurry (from the shaking) that I would be indiscernible from the door.  But I knew she probably wouldn't care so I didn't bother to ask her if she wanted to take a second shot "just in case."

A few days later there was a little note on my door, with a copy of the picture she had taken, and the words: "one day you'll look back fondly on this time in your life and cherish this image."   I laughed and, "knowing" that I would be doing this until I retired, ergo 30 years of it, figured I'd never know any time in my life when I WASN'T doing this seeing as I was sent to the police academy at the ripe old age of 20 and a half years old after having already been a police dispatcher for 2 years and a police cadet/aide for a year prior to that.  (Yes, I started out in Law Enforcement at 17 yrs old).  This was all I'd ever known.  How could I ever feel "disconnected" from it!?  It's all I was ever going to do!  I tucked the picture away in an overly stuffed, disorganized photo album and never thought twice about it, until this week as I was frantically looking for images of me in uniform.  

Of course, she was right.  I let out a little squeal when I saw the image and a flood of memories came rushing back into my head and my heart was overwhelmed with emotions.   Truth is, I *do* miss that career every single day of my life.  But I am in a different place now.  I'd venture to say I'm in a more challenging (and yet fulfilling) place, which mostly has to do with the fact that I am a mother now! That time in my life back then was so carefree.  Even though I'd work (with overtime) an average of 60-80 hrs a week on the GRAVEYARD shift no less, I was never as sleep deprived as I have been the last few years.   It almost seems as though the life I had then cannot even be real because it is so far removed from my life now.  It's amazing how things change. How I have changed.  And even though I miss that phase of my life (intensely at times), I'm truly thrilled to be where I am now, along with my much more "demure" life, void of any adrenaline rushes and that amazing work camaraderie.   Everything in life has its pros and cons and there are definitely things about my old job that I DO NOT miss.

So, I tried my best not to get too sentimental when I saw that picture and instead tried to recall and focus on the aspects of the job that were less appealing to me than the exciting and rewarding ones.  I believe everyone has a path to take in their life and that plans change.  Life happens.  And, ultimately, everything happens for a reason.  

  

So, that was a pretty long winded way to introduce one measly photograph don't ya think!?   I have immense gratitude to the sweet little old lady neighbor many many years ago for taking this shot and knowing then what I did not yet know.  Knowing how much it would mean to me to have it and mischievously convincing me to take it on the premise that SHE wanted it for herself when all along it was a gift for me. :)

I was just reminded of a funny story.  When I was first fitted for the bullet proof vest we wear under our uniforms the guy in the store "kindly" suggested that because I was so flat chested (um....thanks?!), I would probably not need the "women's" bullet proof vest (that comes with darts built in to accommodate the breasts) and would probably be more comfortable wearing a guy's vest.  Ugh.  Talk about embarrassing.  But, he was actually right, the men's vest fit me MUCH better and by not having the darted vest poking out I was able to put a whole ton of stuff (papers, pen, cards, resource materials, nystagmus chart etc..) in my front pockets which was sooo handy and my few fellow female officer compatriots could not do because their big breasts kept making their paperwork/pen fall out!  So, score one for the little boobies!  Also, because I am all legs and no torso I was able to get an old fashioned "drop" holster on my hip which made me the fastest draw in the department, loved it!!