pascale wowak photoblog

Firecracker Race & Happy Fourth of July!!!

Three weeks ago my BFF Christy (who is an AMAZING long distance runner) convinced me, in a moment of sleep deprived weakness, to sign up for the 10k Firecracker Race in Pogonip Open Space in S.C. on July 4th.  I'm not a runner.  I don't even LIKE running.  I basically avoid it at all costs.  So, even though I work out regularly (tae kwon do, cross fit, kickboxing and now Zumba), I do not run. But, here I was signing up for it anyways and thinking about how I was going to go from not running at all to running a 10k in LESS than 3 weeks.  

Yeah, I'm not sure what I was thinking.  But I set up a running schedule that started out on the treadmill at the gym doing first a 2 mile run, then a 3 mile run, then a 4 mile run the first week with no regard as to the time it took to do it, but rather just making the distance.  The second week I hit the trails at Henry Cowell and ran around the .8 mile loop there starting to track my time/distance ratio.  The second week I worked up to 8 loops which was equivalent to 6.4 miles.  I was averaging about a 9-10 mn mile.  I was getting in 2-3 runs a week.  This last week I only got in 2 runs and felt really lackluster both times.

Last night I kinda panicked.  The part that concerned me the most was that I had trained on exclusively FLAT territory the entire time and they call this race/course "The Hill" for a reason.  Basically, the whole middle part is all uphill.  I got NO sleep last night tossing and turning stressing out about everything that could go wrong, wondering what to expect (I've never done a race before), imagining myself tripping on my laces, stumbling on a rock and twisting my ankle, passing out on the hill etc...  I'm a total worry wart.

But there was no turning back because I had also signed up the kids to do the 1k kid race and they were really excited about doing their first race too.  Sadly, my friend Christy seriously injured her leg and couldn't do the race which was a total bummer for both of us. 

I somehow managed to get the whole family up this morning at 6:30 am, which considering it was a day off for everyone was a feat in and of itself.  Had a cup of coffee (BAD idea, with it being a diuretic and all, now I know....) and an energy bar and off we went.

The kids race was first and so stinking cute.  Ellie, as expected, ran faster than her big brother but that girl outruns most kids twice her age.  She has AMAZING natural runner's form.  Such a thrill watching her sprint down to the finish line and see the pride on her face.  Gavin and his BFF Nate (Christy's son) were right behind.  They looked exhausted but equally proud to have made it.  We had so much fun cheering for them!  Here is a short video of the kids coming across the finish line!

Password:  1k

firecracker 1k kids from pascale wowak on Vimeo.

Then it was my turn to take off.  Feeling the energy of the crowd of runners was very cool albeit I had a hard time initially finding "my" pace amongst all the different paces out there especially since I had trained alone these last three weeks and wasn't used to running with a group or even another person.  Eventually I found a gal in blue shorts ahead of me that seemed to be at what I thought was my pace and just decided to keep "trained" on her and not worry about anything else.  I had a GREAT playlist on my IPOD and just got into a groove.  The hill did nearly kill me though and at one point was SO STEEP that I had to walk up it as fast as I could because there was no way I could run up that one particular spot.  Then I had to find my pace again because I had lost my "rabbit" so to speak.  I was soooooo happy to see the finish line approaching and dug deep to really hustle down those last 100 yards.  My final time was 53:30.  Which ended up being just slightly faster than my usual time!  

Best part of the race? Seeing my kids and husband cheering me on at the finish line.   Second best part?  The popsicle they gave everyone who ran.  :)

I used my little point and shoot to catch the video of the kids running but the camera was going on the fritz on me and not allowing me to get any pictures of the kids which was driving me crazy.  This little P&S is only a year old and should not be doing this so I'm hoping it was a one time problem and will not happen again.  Grrrr.  I had no idea if the video portion would even come out but it worked and my hubby even filmed me coming in at the finish line for me which was a nice surprise!  Here's my finish!  Wooohoooo!   I ended up coming in 5th in my division.  For a first time runner who only trained for 3 weeks I'd say that's not too shabby!  I just may have to do this again....  (by the way, I'm still not a natural runner and it was absolutely painful and challenging with every single step, this was NOT an easy run and I had to WORK for it...I envy all those gazelle like runners out there who weren't even breathing heavy whizzing by me as I was huffing and puffing and drenched in sweat!)

password:  10k

Firecracker 10k from pascale wowak on Vimeo.

So, a great way to start of the 4th of July and celebrate our country's independence.  We are going to go see the Fireworks show in SV tonight so if you are there and see us, swing by and say HI!!! :)

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!

Back in the day...

Ok, OK.  I aim to please my readers....  And many of you have been asking for a picture of me 'back in the day' when I was doing the only career I honestly thought I was MEANT to do, the one that came so naturally, easily and that I loved with every fiber of my being...  The one I had worked towards as my goal since I was a pre-pubescent teenaged girl.  The only career I every thought I would have.  Funny how life can throw you curveballs huh?  Luckily, I was able to enjoy 10 marvelous years doing this so I'm not complaining.  And I've been beyond fortunate to have found another calling that makes me equally happy and engages a totally different side of my brain/personality.  It's been very enlightening on so many levels to be doing something now that is so different from what I used to do.  It's like I've gotten in touch with a completely different side of myself.   While looking for a picture of that monumentally important, personality shaping, decade of my life, I came up surprisingly empty handed.  Turns out I only have a very small handful of pictures of me in uniform.  The reason for that, of course, is that cops don't go around taking pictures of each other in uniform, and I hated having my picture taken as much back then as I do now.  Probably even more so.   This one shot I will be sharing below though has a lovely story behind it.

During a few years while working up in the East Bay, I was neighbors with a little old lady who lived alone in her home.  She didn't have any family in the area and was the sweetest thing ever so I would frequently stop by to quickly say hi and check in on her whenever I could on my days off.  Sometimes I would stop by in uniform when things would slow down enough to allow me to do that.  She always got a monumental kick out of seeing me in uniform.  Even though she was frail and tiny and soft spoken, there was always a spark of feistiness behind her demeanor and I could tell that "back in the day" she must have been quite the little trouble maker! :)

One day while I was stopping by on duty to quickly say hi she asked to take a picture of me.  I relented because I knew how much it meant to her and stood outside her front door as she held up her little disposable Kodak Film Camera and, with shaking little old hands, took the shot.  One shot.  I fully expected my head to be cut off or the image to be sooooo blurry (from the shaking) that I would be indiscernible from the door.  But I knew she probably wouldn't care so I didn't bother to ask her if she wanted to take a second shot "just in case."

A few days later there was a little note on my door, with a copy of the picture she had taken, and the words: "one day you'll look back fondly on this time in your life and cherish this image."   I laughed and, "knowing" that I would be doing this until I retired, ergo 30 years of it, figured I'd never know any time in my life when I WASN'T doing this seeing as I was sent to the police academy at the ripe old age of 20 and a half years old after having already been a police dispatcher for 2 years and a police cadet/aide for a year prior to that.  (Yes, I started out in Law Enforcement at 17 yrs old).  This was all I'd ever known.  How could I ever feel "disconnected" from it!?  It's all I was ever going to do!  I tucked the picture away in an overly stuffed, disorganized photo album and never thought twice about it, until this week as I was frantically looking for images of me in uniform.  

Of course, she was right.  I let out a little squeal when I saw the image and a flood of memories came rushing back into my head and my heart was overwhelmed with emotions.   Truth is, I *do* miss that career every single day of my life.  But I am in a different place now.  I'd venture to say I'm in a more challenging (and yet fulfilling) place, which mostly has to do with the fact that I am a mother now! That time in my life back then was so carefree.  Even though I'd work (with overtime) an average of 60-80 hrs a week on the GRAVEYARD shift no less, I was never as sleep deprived as I have been the last few years.   It almost seems as though the life I had then cannot even be real because it is so far removed from my life now.  It's amazing how things change. How I have changed.  And even though I miss that phase of my life (intensely at times), I'm truly thrilled to be where I am now, along with my much more "demure" life, void of any adrenaline rushes and that amazing work camaraderie.   Everything in life has its pros and cons and there are definitely things about my old job that I DO NOT miss.

So, I tried my best not to get too sentimental when I saw that picture and instead tried to recall and focus on the aspects of the job that were less appealing to me than the exciting and rewarding ones.  I believe everyone has a path to take in their life and that plans change.  Life happens.  And, ultimately, everything happens for a reason.  

  

So, that was a pretty long winded way to introduce one measly photograph don't ya think!?   I have immense gratitude to the sweet little old lady neighbor many many years ago for taking this shot and knowing then what I did not yet know.  Knowing how much it would mean to me to have it and mischievously convincing me to take it on the premise that SHE wanted it for herself when all along it was a gift for me. :)

I was just reminded of a funny story.  When I was first fitted for the bullet proof vest we wear under our uniforms the guy in the store "kindly" suggested that because I was so flat chested (um....thanks?!), I would probably not need the "women's" bullet proof vest (that comes with darts built in to accommodate the breasts) and would probably be more comfortable wearing a guy's vest.  Ugh.  Talk about embarrassing.  But, he was actually right, the men's vest fit me MUCH better and by not having the darted vest poking out I was able to put a whole ton of stuff (papers, pen, cards, resource materials, nystagmus chart etc..) in my front pockets which was sooo handy and my few fellow female officer compatriots could not do because their big breasts kept making their paperwork/pen fall out!  So, score one for the little boobies!  Also, because I am all legs and no torso I was able to get an old fashioned "drop" holster on my hip which made me the fastest draw in the department, loved it!!

A "numbered" Courtney Courtney Design

When Courtney sent this "little number" (pun intended!) to be photographed Ellie initially balked at it.  WHY?

"But mom!! I'm 4 and a half!! I'm NOT five, how can I wear a FIVE dress???!! Also, does that mean that when I turn five I can't wear my FOUR dress anymore??? I LOVE my four dress???" and she started bawling.  BIG tears.  I guess growing old is hard on us all! :)

I assured her that she could continue to wear her Courtney Courtney number "4" dress as long as she still fit into it even AFTER she turns five.  I also reassured her that she could wear this "5" dress even if she was only 4.5 years old because there were NO laws prohibiting this.  She was honestly concerned that we were breaking some rule somehow.  

Once she realized that we were not criminals and that she'd get some M&M's for all her "trouble" we were good to go.  Also, it helped that Courtney had sent along a new hat to compliment the outfit and Ellie LOVES hats.  So we were set.

If you have a little one with a birthday coming up you have GOT to check out Courtney's unique and original "number" dresses, they are superb!

The light was gorgeous and within seconds she was totally rocking it, full of life, joy and that unmatched Ellie energy that I wish I could bottle up for myself.

Having said that, before you all think my child is just sweet as cupcakes or a dream to photograph ALL of the time, let me show you what I get when I put her in a location that she is not quite "feeling."

OKEE DOKEE.  So, I let her pick where she wanted to go and wouldn't you know it? She picked a place with SUPERB light.  And she said: "This is good, we can have the light to my back, you know, how we like it."  How cool is that?

 

Working with Ellie can be a bit challenging insomuch that she will only stay in one spot for about 5-10 shots and then is off running to find a new location.  If you didn't get what you needed in those limited shots, fugetaboutit for that location, she won't come back to it.  So I've learned to move FAST and always be READY for her and act quickly before she darts off to a new location.

Imitating the bubbles on the dress.  Or, as she put it: "Look, I'm a bubble too!"

Off to the fence she goes.

No, she's not asking me to stop, she's showing the number 5. :)

Then in the parking lot, my favorite shot of the day.

Blowing kisses to Courtney. :)

And then a little Iphone video in the car right afterwards.  She is sooooo funny!

No password needed, it's 2 seconds long. :)

I rocked it! from pascale wowak on Vimeo.

My second sewing project!

OK, so I debated about even posting this since the more I look at the outfit the more I see mistakes/problems/changes I'd like to make but I figure it's good to show the PROCESS, warts and all.  

I spent yet another ridiculous amount of time creating this.  I won't admit HOW long but let's just say I didn't turn off my sewing machine until nearly 3 am.  Yeah.  Julie keeps reassuring me that I will get better/faster with time.... Hmph. 

This was an under 5 minute shoot with Ellie just before bedtime and I hardly had any light to work with and the light I had was flat and ugly and blah and basically these images totally suck but whatever, it's just to show the outfit, nothing more, nothing less. 

By the way, Julie has a bunch of new items in her store as well as sale items from the big Fashion Show she did this past weekend.  You have GOT to check it out.  Also, she will be temporarily shutting down her Etsy store for a couple weeks very soon and not accepting any orders during that time so if you want something from her store, get it now because after that when it re-opens it will all be the new Fall Line on display....which, might I add, even has a collection named after my little Eliana.  Only kinda sorta TOTALLY tickled pink about that!! :)  Click on her name to go directly to her ETSY store!

Here are a few shots.  Like I said, if I were to do it over, I would change the way I did the ruffle bottom, maybe make the skirt a bit shorter and the T shirt applique would be MUCH smaller.  I guess you can only learn your mistakes by doing so I am definitely learning!

This is a close up of the fabric.  It is just so stinkin' cute.  I love owls so I fell in love with it.  So whimsical and cute.

You can't really see the "E" here and I used the bottom of the skirt (ruffle part) fabric to do the E and match it up but it's not as visible as I'd like.  As I said, I see clearly what I will be doing differently next time.

Mini Vacay

Well, since weeklong vacations in Hawaii are out of the question right now, I decided that we still needed to do something to celebrate the official arrival of summer vacation.  The husband was once again gone all week at yet another training school so I took advantage of the fact that I had set aside my birthday week to do something fun together.  Last month I had made reservations for a one night stay at a resort in Marina called The Sanctuary Beach Resort.  The plan was to spend two days and one night down in the Monterey area hanging out and having a bit of an adventure with my kiddos.  My photographic challenge to myself was to only bring two FIXED lenses, my "el cheapo" 50mm f1.8 and my new 135mm f2.0.  I don't care what anyone says about that particular 50mm being a super cheap lens, I'm always shocked at how fast and sharp it is.  For under $100 you just cannot beat that lens.  In fact, I used that lens for nearly all of the following images.

We spent the first day slowly making our way down to the resort and "killing time" at Target in Seaside while waiting for our room to be ready.  Once the room was ready we jumped into our swimsuits and hit the pool!  It was actually a fairly sunny day and we hung out at the pool a solid two hours.  I  left the camera in the room so I don't have any pictures of that (other than those taken on my Iphone!) but a good time was had by all :) 

The resort is surprisingly kid friendly despite being considered a "luxury" hotel.  It had a little kiddie toddler pool and a much larger pool with thte majority of it only about 4 feet deep and then a huge hot tub that literally overlooked the two pools so you could safely watch and monitor your kids from the comfort of the hot tub.  Some woman was the genius behind that design, I'm quite certain of this.

Another perk to the resort was that cars are not allowed on the grounds so they assign you your own golf cart during the duration of your stay and you just zip around in that golf cart to get to the pool, the beach etc...  I cannot even begin to tell you how many times the kids and I just went out to drive around on the golf carts during the 24 hrs we were there!!  OMG, hilarious.  We could have just done that the entire time we were there and the kids would have been on Cloud 9.

In order for us to be able to stay at the Sanctuary Beach Resort, I had to pack all of our meals for the 2 day trip which was really no different than packing for a camping trip, except without access to a stove.  I think I managed really well and we saved a bunch of $ by avoiding having to eat out.  The only outside food we got were a couple Starbucks runs which I would have done whether we were home or on a mini vacation!  

After the pool, I fed the kids dinner in our room and had them all set up in their jammies when they asked to go check out the nearby beach.  It was getting close to sunset and the fog was rolling in but I just threw their jackets over their P.J's and we all hopped in the golf cart for a little ride!

The path to the beach was GORGEOUS and the view once there was stunning.  I sometimes forget just how lucky we are to live where we live.    

Look at all the cute little bungalow type rooms at the resort!

My little OCD - sensory issues kids cannot handle sand in their sandals.... Sigh.  Look at Gavin's face, you'd think he'd just stepped in poop or something.

Don't trip on that lower lip!

My challenge here was to meter for my shadow so that my shadow would be dark and the kids would be the secondary element.  I wanted to showcase how annoying it is to have crazy curly hair on a windy day.

What good is staying at a hotel if you can't jump on the bed?  We were practically out of light at this point so I was shooting at ISO 1600 and wide open at f1.8 with a SS of 1/500 to effectively stop the motion.  Ellie just LOVES jumping on beds.  

Gavin is much more tepid and cautious in his approach :)

Still 1600 ISO, all direct window light.

Then we read books and crawled into bed and I let them stay up with me and watch "So You Think You Can Dance" on TV.  They are now officially hooked so I have to TIVO the rest of the season for them! HA!

The next morning it was cartoons in bed while I prepared breakfast.

Then they played a bit while I did dishes and cleaned up.  It appears Gavin's lego obsession is slowly being replaced by a fascination with Bakugans.  He even has Ellie schooled in all the "points" system and activation rules and powers and blah blah blah, oy vey!

And since I firmly believe that any good vacation should entail as much time as possible being spent in your pygamas we then headed down to the beach to play, while still in our jammies, until the pool was open for business.  It was pretty cold and overcast but they didn't seem to mind. :)

I seriously cannot believe how tall that boy is sometimes.  He towers over everyone his age.

Then we played in the pool until it was time to get ready for check out.  We waved a very sad goodbye to our beloved resort on our last golf cart ride but then remembered that we were heading to the Monterey Bay Aquarium!! WooHoo! It was, as expected, totally PACKED even for a midweek visit being that it's summer an all.  I only took a few pictures because it is hard enough to keep track of two highly mobile kids at that place let alone concentrate on trying to get good shots.  Also, the distortion from the glass was annoying and hard to work with.

I wanted to get the whole circle in the frame but it was too crowded to allow me space to do that and I had a nanosecond before people were all up in my shot.  But I got the spotted shark going by!

My absolute favorite sea life species are the Jellyfish and the Seahorses. 

The goal with this next one was to get one shot with Ellie's face clear of fish and one shot with Gavin's face clear of fish and seeing as the darn fish were swimming in a tight group ridiculously fast it proved much harder to accomplish than I had anticipated!!  But I got it! Yeah, baby!

After three hours they were fried.

So we got a Starbucks pick-me-up (coffee for me and honey yogurt with granola for them) and headed south down to Point Lobos for some tide pool exploring.  We had never been there before and I was taken aback at just how absolutely beautiful that area is.  Just WOW.  We started out with some tide pool exploration but Gavin got totally freaked out by the pinchers on the crabs and insisted we vacate the area immediately.  Can't say that I blame him entirely but Ellie kept wanting to get CLOSER to them.  That kid....

  So, we switched gears and proceeded to a hike to China Beach instead while still in the park.

Then we capped off the evening at Point Lobos State Park having a picnic dinner overlooking the view.  

It wasn't a week in Hawaii but it was definitely the next best thing packed into two days of PURE JOY.

---------------------------

* side note*  I was finally able to post that video of Gavin riding his bike for the very first time and my mom running after him and filming it on her phone at the same time.  SO FUNNY!  I'm so glad she got it on film since I wasn't there to witness it myself and it was such an important event in his life.  Go to the blog post two posts down and you'll find it if you are so inclined. :)

they say it's your birthday....

Um. Yeah.  So I'm officially in my LATE thirties as of today.  darn.  oh well, it is what it is!!! :)

I actually had as delightful a birthday as a mom can realistically have so I'm quite grateful.  The first (wonderful, amazing, incredibly, surprised) gift I got was an upgrade from the original 2g Iphone to the snazzy new 3Gs Iphone which came out just in time for my big day!  I decided NOT to bring my camera along this weekend and, surprisingly, I do not regret that decision.  It was actually nice to disconnect from "photographer mode" for a couple days.

We started out the weekend by driving up to my mom's on Saturday midmorning (after I went for a miserably painful 10k run with fresh stitches in my left thigh, ugh) and spending the day and night there together as a family.  On Sunday morning the hubby and I left the kids in my mom's care (THANK YOU MAMISHA!!!) and headed up nice and slow towards Sausalito.  We stopped at the H&M store in Emeryville, cause, well, I really like that store and I never get to go shopping for clothes and Jason said, as my second gift, that I could spend $100 in there.  I only went over by two bucks.  I'd say that was pretty good of me.  Granted, I didn't count the cute lacy bra towards that amount though because as far as I'm concerned that's more a gift for him than for me..... :)  By this point, I realized I was totally getting spoiled this year for my birthday (whereas in the past I would just usually get breakfast in bed and that's about it! ha!).

Then we got to Sausalito on what was an absolutely GORGEOUS day and strolled around enjoying the hot afternoon (and an ice cream, of course) and walked for a couple hours just taking in the views, the sites, the architecture and enjoying some fun people watching. Some of the mansions in that town just BLOW me away.  And you know that when every other car you see is either a Jaguar, a Mazerrati or a Porsche that you are getting a glimpse into a different world than the one you are accustomed to.  Entertaining to say the least.  We slept there at a tiny little bed and breakfast and I got a FULL NIGHT'S SLEEP - UNINTERRUPTED - yes, a full 9 hours.  Wow.  I guess that counts as my third gift huh?!

The next morning we drove down to S.F. and used my mom's family passes to get into the new California Academy of Sciences which I've been itching to go visit since they opened.  It was amazing.  They have the coolest aquarium and exhibits.  If there is one thing I really miss about where I live now, it's the total lack of huge, fabulous museums, art galleries/exhibits and cultural events.    We walked around the museum and took in a few shows there, including a great one in the planetarium on one of those fabulous state of the art wrap-around digital screens. Neat-o.

Then, my fourth and final gift: lunch at TiCouz, an AUTHENTIC french Creperie in the heart of the seediest area of the Mission District in SF.  There are many Creperies around the Bay Area but honestly, they all are just bad imitations of the real deal.  THIS place is the REAL DEAL.  This is how I like my crepes.  This is how they are supposed to taste.  I've been to the Brittany region of France and had the real thing and once you've had that pleasure, anything less is just *not* the same.  The last time I was able to come up to the city to enjoy TiCouz was about 8 years ago so this was something very special for me.  I know, I know, the way to my heart is through Nutella, what can I say?!  :)

After lunch we drove down back down to my mom's house, picked up the kids and did a fun little round of family bowling.  This was Ellie's first time and it was pretty entertaining.  Not because of how she bowled, which was exactly how all little kids bowl, but because of how much she LOVED the music they were blaring along with the flashy disco balls and multi colored lights.  She actually could have cared less about the actual bowling.  She just wanted to dance and part-ay.  I got some fun video clips on my little point and shoot.

But the bestest and most exciting gift of all that day was being greeted by my son and having him tell me in his most deliciously exuberant voice that grandma had taught him how to ride a bike without training wheels!!!  You have to understand that Gavin will be seven years old in just 3 weeks and that we have tried several times to teach him how to ride without training wheels and each time the lesson would last all of three seconds because he would decide he was just "too scared."  These "attempts" were defining moments for me as a parent as well because I'm a bit of a daredevil and it took all of me not to want to try to just "push" him into it.  It was getting a bit embarrassing having him (and remember, he is as tall as your average 8 or 9 year old) riding his bike (slowly) with training wheels while two year olds were whizzing by on their bikes without any training wheels or fear.  But I was determined not to expect him to be like me and instead to honor his cautious and careful nature.  So I just bit my tongue and gave him positive messages re-affirming that he would know when he was ready.  This weekend he decided he wanted grandma to be the one to teach him.  And grandma was the perfect person to teach him as she had successfully taught all three of her daughter's how to ride a bike!  And, it makes me slightly emotional to know that he learned how to ride a bike, not only on my birthday, and not only thanks to my own mommy, but at the very same little parking lot/park where I learned how to when I was a child.  That just makes it all the more special to me (and eventually to him too when he can appreciate what that means.)  

The best part is my mom even got a video of it for me on her P&S, which was remarkable considering the fact that she had just spent an hour chasing after him and holding onto him on his bike as they practiced over and over and over again.  Not to mention also watching Ellie and keeping her safe/entertained at the same time.  Grandma really did an awesome job this weekend!  (I love you, mom!)

Lest you think my birthday was all roses and rainbows and unicorns, both kids had TOTAL and COMPLETE freak out meltdowns (too much excitement for a single weekend, methinks) after bowling resulting in us having to go straight home back to Santa Cruz and cutting short the rest of our day's plans.  My birthday dinner consisted of a bowl of cereal and then doing/folding about 6 loads of laundry.  So, you know, it had its "moments."  But, overall, one of the very best birthdays I've ever had!

So, here is a video of Gavin's very first solo no training wheels bike ride courtesy Mamisha.   Password is: solo

FirstSoloBikeRide from pascale wowak on Vimeo.

And then a little video montage of Ellie's "moves" at the bowling alley. Side note: I HATE the sound of my laugh but can't do anything about it so turn off the volume if it bugs you as much as it does me.  My apologies in advance. I love how in the second clip my husband is getting all stressed out by Ellie's dancing and mentions locking her up in a closet (as a joke people, a JOKE!) and shaking his head in despair.  Also, Gavin was so focused on beating his sister that all he wanted to do was stare at the scoreboard and call out the score after his turn, EVERY single time.  And Ellie could have absolutely cared less that Gavin was winning, all she wanted to do was DANCE!  Hilarious!

password: dancingqueen

Dancing Bowling - the new rage from pascale wowak on Vimeo.

Becoming one with the machine...

Thursday night I decided to set aside all the business related work and the house related work and all the everything else related work and plop myself down in front of Fox's "So you think you can dance" with my sewing machine and test out some of the lessons Julie taught me during her visit.

I had very LOW expectations because when Julie was here, well, let's just say my sewing speed was pretty pathetic. The needle was doing something like this: (read as slowly as you can) UP.......DOWN........UP.......DOWN.......UP......  you get the idea....  I move SLOWLY on that machine.  Ridiculously slow.  And I really struggle with keeping my seams straight.  I felt a bit like a new driver.  You know how when you see a teenager they are constantly trying to rotate the wheel in an attempt to "go straight" but you keep telling them that if they just stop moving the wheel they WILL go straight but they feel like they need to be DOING something so they keep messing with it and therefore end up weaving side to side like a drunk on the road.  Well, that's me with the sewing machine.   I know I'm supposed to just let it do its thing and gently guide the fabric but I keep wanting to try to straighten it out and in the process it ends up looking all zig zaggy.  I practiced on several pieces of scraps for a while before finally getting the hang of it and tackling my "goal" for the evening.  

I started out with a really simple applique for Gavin on a plain T shirt I picked up at Target for him.  The bonding applique paper was easy to use and, with the exception of the curves in the letter "G", it was not too complicated a project to sew.  Still, that alone took me over an hour to do.  

Then, feeling bolstered by my newfound sewing skills (ha!), I decided to try a skirt for Ellie.  I had all the materials I needed on hand so I just went for it.  This was my third time using that machine so I expected a few setbacks.  And I did have to redo a few things and I nearly panicked when the lower bobbin ran out of thread and I had to get the instructions out to figure out how to fill that puppy back up with thread....  Nonetheless, TWO MORE HOURS later (my show by then was long over and I was watching the 11pm news.....whatever) I finally finished up Ellie's skirt!  WOOHOOO!!!

When the kids woke up this morning I had their new outfits waiting for them at the kitchen table.  They were so excited!  They wanted to wear them right away.  Gavin, after examining the less-than-stellar stitching around the letter G, sweetly commented: "Mommy, I can tell how hard that area must have been for you, I'm so glad you didn't give up and tried your best."  Heart, melting.

I then ran outside with them at about 7:30am and grabbed a few quick shots in the soft morning light before we had to run out for our appointments for the day.  

Here are just a few favorites.  As a side note, that "stage" in our backyard is not actually a stage (duh!), but rather a gazebo missing its roof.  It was moved from one area of our backyard to the new spot with the goal of putting our old (empty) hot tub (that came with the house) onto it.  In order to move it we had to remove all the old decrepit shingle roof that was on it.  We had intended to re-roof it ourselves as soon as we had the time and get that hot tub up there and functional....  And how long has it been waiting in its "new" spot might you ask?  TWO years.  Sigh.  One of these days.....

The kids were so excited to show off their mommy creations!  They must have sensed that a whole lot of blood, sweat and tears (and way too much time) went into its inception.  :)

Clearly, I am going to leave the complicated sewing jobs to the professionals but I am absolutely loving these more manageable projects and excited to create lots of little skirts for Ellie and applique shirts for Gavin.  You know, in my *spare* time....hahahahahaha!

On a side note, it is my birthday this weekend (eeeek! 36 years old!) and I am taking a few days off to spend time with my family and get away from work.   I have a big shoot today (Friday) but the blog will not be updated again until Tuesday or Wednesday of next week.  Thanks for being patient!  I am going to really enjoy some much needed time off!!!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone! :)

If only you knew what that girl was doing..... Gavin sure thought it was funny despite it being totally inappropriate....sigh.  Dainty she is not.

I can't even tell you how delighted I am that Gavin is letting me photograph him again.  *happy happy joy joy *

Ellie's thing right now is to have Gavin pick her up.  Don't know why but they both get a kick out of it.

Gavin jumping in front of my frame as I'm photographing Ellie....

I asked for a nice smile and this is what I got.  But you know what?  I got even because I told him that I could now tell that he had clearly NOT brushed his teeth and sent him back inside to go do it.  So there. How much you wanna bet he doesn't show me his tonsils again next time I ask for a nice smile!? Tee hee heee!

Everywhere we went today the kids kept telling everyone that they were wearing clothes THEIR MOMMY HAD MADE THEM.  The joy they got out of that statement was ridiculously cute.  And, admittedly, I felt pretty proud too. :)

ZozoBugBaby Skirt Sale!

Julie of ZozoBugBaby is having a big $10 skirt sale this Saturday morning.  The shop opens at 8 am (Pacific Time) and last time everything was sold out within the first couple hours.

Each skirt is unique and there is only ONE available.  These are all custom designs, so first come first serve.  These skirts are adorable and $10 a skirt is AMAZING.  

The direct link to her ETSY store is HERE.

HAPPY SHOPPING!!!

Ellie's Dance Recital

Last weekend Ellie had her very first Dance Recital.  She had one little routine with the other little girls in her weekly dance class, one of which is her very best friend Riley.  They did a little Shirley Temple routine that was just sooooooooooo cute.  I could tell that Ellie had a little bit of nerves going because she forgot a bunch of steps even though it's a routine she had perfectly memorized.  The girls were bonking into each other onstage!  It was held at the Mello Center in Watsonville which was a really large, packed, amphitheater and I certainly would have been nervous so I can't imagine how a 4 year old manages such things!

Her wonderful and amazing teacher Annie told me that they first words out of her mouth when coming off the stage were a VERY exuberant: "When can I go back out there and do that again!?"  So, my question about whether or not she would like the limelight?  Answered.  Kinda not too surprised.

I volunteered to do backstage duty and balcony chaperone duty etc... so I was running all over the place.  My husband shot the video for me and I was able to grab a few shots from the balcony during her performance and a few pre-show backstage snapshots as well.  Nothing earth shattering by any means, just grab shots here and there.  It was a long, full, chaotic day to say the least.  Seeing the look on her face when I rejoined her backstage: PRICELESS.

Here are a few pictures first and then the video.  I can't wait to see the images the official photographer got up close!

There was a great deal of downtime in between "dry rehearsals" and "tech rehearsals with the lights" and "final bow rehearsals" etc...  My best friend Christy thought ahead and brought the DVD player.  Smarty pants!

Riley, Ellie and Chloe :)

Throughout the performance the other girls kept looking to Ellie for reminders and Ellie kept looking off stage to Teacher Annie in the wings.  HILARIOUS!

At the end they all kinda stood there for a second all "what do we do now?"  Then Ellie takes a bow and after another long pause, throws in a curtsy for good measure and then they finally figure out that they need to get OFF the stage!  OMG I was laughing so hard.  

And now, the video.  The very last few seconds when everyone is applauding and the looks on their faces just slays me.  Password is:  ShirleyTemple

Ellie's First Dance Recital from pascale wowak on Vimeo.

ZozoBugBaby's visit

The fabulous & divine Julie M. of ZozoBugBaby Designs came down and spent a little under two days with my brood (how she survived is beyond me) and boy did we pack in a TON during her visit.  I taught her all kinds of Photoshop magic and she taught me how to finally use that sewing machine that has been sitting there taunting me since its arrival on Mother's Day.  I, with MUCH help, made Ellie a skirt and matching applique shirt!!! (Photos to follow one of these days)  Can you say WOOOHOOOO?!  Granted, not sure I can spend two hours in the future (that's how long it will most likely take me without Julie's help) for such endeavors but I am seriously motivated to create little skirts for Ellie from this point forward.  Now, finding the time.... whole different story.  Alas, I digress.

Julie was also my assistant extraordinaire for my FaceBook Headshot Special shoot I had yesterday and that girl rocked the reflector.  I was worried people would have a hard time finding where we were but as Katie said to me upon locating us: "I just followed the sound of your laughter."  That pretty much summed up the two days with Julie.  We are totally long lost twins and besides looking so much alike (methinks she is just a dark haired version of me), and having the same child (her Zoe and my Ellie - same!) and having the same temperament (can you say high energy, independent, bossy, neurotic, straight forward, thrive on chaos workaholics?), we laugh at all the same things and like all the same things.  Two people could not possibly be more compatible.  It was kinda freaky.

Julie, like me, HATES having her picture taken.  But, she insisted on grabbing a few shots of me with the kids so I allowed her to do that and in return she allowed me to take a few pictures of her.  She has NEVER liked a picture of herself but I am really hoping she likes these.

After our big Facebook shoot we had dinner at Shadowbrook and walked around downtown Capitola a bit.  So nice!

I'm heading up to Portland in August to teach a workshop there so if you are in that area and want to attend my workshop give me a ring.  Julie and I will be there and I can assure you, it will be as entertaining as it will be informative! :)

Here's a couple shots Julie took with her camera of me and the kiddos in our backyard.  Gavin totally fell in love with Julie and could not stop climbing up into her lap and cuddling her.  And he's a TALL almost 7 year old so it was pretty hilarious.  He was like a puppy or something!  Such a snugglebug that one.   And Ellie was on her very best behavior showing off all her dance moves and posing in the new outfits Julie brought down for her.  I just about asked Julie to move in with me but, you know, she's got, like, her own family and stuff.  Whatever.

And now a few of the shots I took of Julie.  

Yeah, so Julie is under the impression that she does not photograph well.   All I can say is life must be rough looking like Angelina Jolie.  My heart bleeds for you, girl.  BLEEDS.  

And I'll top it off with a goofy shot I took of us in the patio area @ Shadowbrook after our CHOCOLATE ECTASY.  aka: dessert.

My hobby: Card designs.

I am sending these out later this week.  Cannot believe my boy will be 7 in less than three weeks.  The card is a 5X7 postcard with a front and back design.  The whole thing from beginning to end took me one hour from taking the pictures in my backyard (5 minutes), editing them (15 minutes) and designing the card in photoshop (40 minutes).  It's a super simple, clean design.  Nothing too fancy.  But that's the way I like to create my card designs.  Every year I look forward to creating the kids' birthday invitations.  I always have fun with them.  Ellie's bday card last year was totally cute so I've included here as well just to share.  Gotta love PHOTOSHOP!!

FRONT:

BACK:

Close up shot of my boy with the blank paper. That boy melts my heart in every possible way.  If I could just keep him at this particular stage I'd be in hog heaven.  He's absolutely DELIGHTFUL and CUTE and SWEET.  I just love him to bits. :)

And Ellie's invite from her last birthday:

FRONT

BACK:

Paperless Post

Ok, so I was totally tempted NOT to share this because I wanted to be the cool kid on the block with the new "toy" but then realized it's a whole lot more fun to share your toys with your friends than hog them all to yourself!

We all love EVITE.  It's great. Well,this is even better.  WAY better.  It's like EVITE with a cup of coffee and a bar of chocolate.  Yeah, people, that's what I'm talking about.

The program is currently free as it's in the BETA stages.  I just sent out a "save the date" card for Gavin's birthday as I'm having his actual invited printed out this week and wanted to test their system.  

Loved everything about it.  Clean, classy, simple, streamlined, GORGEOUS, all with that "actual paper" invitation feel (that I love) without the actual paper, ergo VERY eco friendly.  I'll admit to being a card freak.  I LOVE sending out cards.  Thank you cards, invitations, thinking of you's... I love paper products and there's just something so special about a handwritten note.  I'm always looking for excuses to send someone a card.  And when it comes to the kids' birthday party invitations I LOVE getting creative and having fun designing their cards in Photoshop.

Although this service won't break me of that tradition, it just may replace all my other card invitation needs.  Having said that, nothing will ever replace the well thought out and meaningful hand written THANK YOU card.  Just sayin'.  

To check out Paperless Post yourself, CLICK HERE.  Enjoy!!!

Weekend Rules and Regulations

About a year ago I started training Gavin on proper weekend etiquette.  It's based on the rules my sisters and I were obliged to follow growing up so I figured I'd continue the tradition.  Our mom was a single working mom raising three kids entirely on her own with an ex-husband who fled the country to avoid making child support payments.  My mom worked her little tush off to raise us in what was to her a foreign country and with absolutely no family nearby.  At times she worked two jobs and subsisted on virtually no sleep in addition to driving us to and from San Francisco every day so we could attend the private French School she had miraculously won us scholarships so we could attend.  So, it goes without saying that the weekends were SACRED to her recouping.  If we wanted our mom to maintain whatever shred of sanity was left in her by Friday, we knew that Saturday and Sunday mornings were her time to recover.  Besides, we were also up at the crack of dawn every morning during the week due to the 1.5 hr commute to school and back each way so we were all pretty fried come Saturday.  My mom established clear cut rules for the weekend early on with us.  We were, in no way, shape or form, to wake her up on the weekend.  Unless the house was on fire, we were to leave.her.be.    My sisters and I would generally sleep in until about 10 am and then fix our own breakfasts and watch cartoons until my mom surfaced around noon.  She was making up for having gotten about 3-4 hrs sleep every single night during the week.   

I'm not getting quite so little sleep but I'm not too far behind.  On Friday nights I stay up EXTRA late knowing that I don't have to get up early the next day to get the kids to school.  So, about a year ago I trained Gavin to take care of himself when he woke up on the weekend mornings.  At 5.5 yrs old he was getting up and pouring his own bowl of cereal and knew how to use the Tivo like a pro.  Ellie would generally still be in bed with me and we'd sleep in til about 8:30 or sometimes 9 am.

The past 6 months I've worked hard on training Ellie to then get up and handle her own needs until I can rejoin the land of the living.

Gavin is in charge of helping her pour her milk but she pours her own bowl of cereal.  They put their bowls in the dishwasher when they are done and brusg their teeth.  Everything is easily accessible and they have worked out their own arrangement of figuring out whose TIVO'd (and mom approved) show they will watch first.  They are really good at taking turns.  Every week I've added a new rule for Ellie to remember.

It started out simple.  My only request was for her to sleep in as late as possible.  Then my next request was to get her brother to handle her breakfast for her and clear her own plate.  Then, to NOT WAKE ME UP unless it was an emergency.... etc...

She has done remarkably well with all this and Gavin has been a superstar at basically attending to his baby sisters' needs.   I can hear them rustling about and am aware of every little sound but the ability to be half-awake and curled up in bed until 9 or even sometimes 9:30 am after getting into bed at 2 or 3 am is LUXURIOUS.  I need it.  It's my recoup time.  It's how I stay moderately sane.

Yesterday, I took a video of the kids reciting the "weekend rules and regulations" (as I've taken to calling them) and it just cracks me up.  They've got it down.  It's so nice to finally be in a place age-wise and maturity-wise with them where this is even possible.  With the amount of late nights that I clock in, this is just hugely important for my mental and physical health.  

The very last rule I implemented is the "don't fight with your sibling" rule and you can see Gavin's reaction to that one.  Pretty funny.  I'm lucky my kids are so independent and can do this stuff.  I attribute most of that to the fact that I refuse to coddle them and instead, give them plenty of chores/responsibilities around the house and in their day to day lives.  Just as my own mother did with the three of us girls.  That's one family habit I don't mind passing down.

The password for the video is:   WEEKEND

Enjoy!

 

Weekend Rules from pascale wowak on Vimeo.

Oh, and I forgot to include another picture that Gavin had taken the other day so here it is:

Design Aglow & Headshot Special

I always get excited when Design Aglow announces the launching of their latest publication.  The company itself has a TON of awesome resources for photographers, from templates to album designs and actions and cards etc....  Just really handy stuff.  Plus they publish these great magazines that I really enjoy reading with all the latest and greatest info for photographers as well as amazing interviews with the *best* and *brightest* photographers around.

They put out a request for photog "secrets" a few months ago and I submitted a little tidbit of mine and then totally forgot about it.  I received the email yesterday announcing that my entry had been selected amongst a few other to be featured in Issue no. 8. Such an honor!

If you are a fellow photographer and this all sounds interesting to you, you can find the purchase link to issue #8 HERE.  I've never regretted buying an issue.  All very valuable reading.

ALSO, I am doing my big Headshot Special Shoot this coming Monday, June 15th and I have just a couple of slots left. If you are in need/want of a new gorgeous headshot and can't devote a ton of time or money towards that goal, this is the perfect solution!  Send me an email for all the details.  This is for age 18 and up only, please.  THANKS!!!

Have a great weekend everyone! :)

"When you give a 6 yr old a camera..."

"...he might want to take a picture with it."

Yes, stolen from "If you give a mouse a cookie."  What can I say?!

So, on Tuesday, I decided to take the kids for a little stroll after picking up Gavin from school.  Life has been just too crazy and hectic.  We needed some downtime.

I threw my camera in the car at the last minute with no real intentions of taking any photos but glad I did.  

First off, I snagged a few impromptu shots of Ellie wearing the new Rosalind Grace Designs headband we had just gotten in the mail.  This was not a planned shoot so Ellie was not wearing the right outfit for the headband but she looks SO DARN CUTE in it I couldn't resist grabbing a few shots.  This one is very similar to the last one I featured except the headband is much wider.  I like them both but this one I could totally wear too.  In fact, I wore it myself the next day and got so many compliments!  It fits both our heads perfectly.  Which means either Ellie has a ridiculously large head (not likely) or I have a really small brain (more likely). 

Regardless, LOVE this headband.

Then, Gavin asked me if he could take a picture.  Now, when I have my little point and shoot with me, I will let him grab a shot here and there.  He's never shown too much interest before and he has a little P&S of his own now but all he ever does is take pictures of his legos and Bakugons with it so you know, not, like, REAL photos! :)  

I hesitated for a moment (an admittedly loooong moment), after all, we are talking my BABY here.  It's a BIG, HEAVY (*cough*expensive*cough*) camera with a big , heavy (*cough*expensive*cough*) lens.  Did I mention it's expensive?  And my BABY!?  (insert audible sigh)  But he is so irresistible that lad....

I put the strap around his neck, mentioned that I would take away all his legos for the rest of his life if he dropped the camera (no pressure!) and set the camera's manual settings for the light we were in and sat down to watch what would draw his interest.  

Well, wouldn't ya know it, the kid only wanted to photograph ONE thing.  His mama.  Yup, that kid loves me.  I kept trying to re-direct him.  Oh, look! A tree!  A leaf! Your sister!  But no.  He kept wanting to shoot me.  So I played along.  I made silly faces and gave him my best fake smile.  But the little bugger was having none of it.

He held the camera down and looked me in the eye and said (I quote): "You know, that pose just isn't working for me.  And I don't really like the way you are sitting there.  I want you to sit there instead."  And, when the shock wore off, I moved to his designated location.  I tried a few different sitting styles until he found one he liked.  He then looked in the viewfinder, stepped forwards and backwards a few times until he was seeing what I can only assume was what he wanted to see in the viewfinder (fixed lens) and started snapping away.  And then he made me laugh.  And kept snapping away.  

I don't even know what to say.  It was a very cool experience we shared.  I am glad I trusted him with my camera.  I'm going to ask him to start taking more pictures with his camera and branching out from the realm of legos and Bakugon's.  I posted a few of his shots below.  I did absolutely NO cropping to his images at all.  They are exactly as he took them with the exception of some MINOR levels adjustments for exposure.  His focus was dead on and his composition was perfect.  I'm truly impressed, especially considering how his little hands could barely get around the grip of the camera to reach the shutter button.

First, a few shots I took.  It is a crime against nature that the boys get the ridiculous lashes.  SO NOT FAIR.  To whom do I address my complaint?

Ellie's new "quirk", her "half-smile"...

Somebody did not have enough chocolate today....

Ok so at first I'm giving him my very best attempt at the pouty professional model sexy pose except that I look like a demented pirate...whatever.  Based on the confused look on his face I could tell it wasn't working for him.

Then I go where and how he directed me to sit.

That boy just makes me all kinds of happy. :)

Ellie - Preschool Graduation

It's been a very emotional week for me.  Before having kids I was relatively un-emotional.  Part of that was the work that I did which required (for the sake of one's sanity) to compartmentalize what you saw in a day's work and shut off emotions and just "get it done"... and part of it was that I was just pretty well trained in not letting my emotions betray me.  So, even if I felt them, I could keep them under wraps (unless I'm around my family but that's a whole different story!).  I guess I would have been called stoic where it not for the fact that you spend much of your time on the force laughing...like, A LOT.  And laughing at that slightly disturbing gallows humor that I believe I may have now lost my taste for but that I used to adore.  What can I say, it was a huge part of my life back then.  Regardless, all that changed the minute Gavin was born.  The floodgates that had held back years of emotions and sadness over the things I had seen and experiences I had had (good and bad) and basically everything I'd ever felt in my life... BAM!  Like a humongous tidal wave.  I cried and cried and cried.  Mostly tears of joy though at the beauty and perfection of this little being I now held in my arms.  I could hardly believe it.  I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I was so tense that first week.  I truly expected someone to come in and announce some terrible news.  Something this good could not happen to me without something equally bad coming along to ruin the party.  I'm not what you would call the luckiest person on the planet.  It's the main reason why I don't gamble or buy lotto tickets.   And, yes, we had some medical issues with Gavin those first few months but nothing big enough to undo the magic that was this precious little guy being given to us.  

At first I chalked up the flood of raw and overpowering emotions to childbirth hormones.  Then I blamed it on nursing hormones.  Then as soon as he was weaned I was pregnant again with Ellie so I blamed it on being pregnant and so on and so on.... Until one day I realized it wasn't hormones, it was just the "new" me.  The "mother" me.

That I now just couldn't watch a news report about a kidnapped child and I couldn't watch a movie that involved ANYTHING REMOTELY BAD HAPPENING TO A CHILD EVEN IF I KNEW IT WAS JUST A MOVIE... nope.  Those things never used to bug me one bit.  Not one tiny little bit.  I was completely immune to it. Disconnected.  And now, I feel physically ill upon hearing about anything bad happening to a child.  Or anyone really.  A trusting elderly person or a vulnerable handicapped person.  But mostly the children.  Goodness that gets me bad.  Reduced to tears in nanoseconds.  So, I've come to terms with the new me.  The "emotional" me who cries.  Frequently.  I'm OK with it.  Even though I distinctly remember making fun of a friend for crying when she sent her child off for his first day of Kindergarten.  Like, dude.  Really?  What's the big deal?  Oh, such a fool I was.....

So, here I am last week watching Ellie, my baby!, graduating from preschool.  And I'm holding it together remarkably well.  Until we get to the car.  And then I start bawling.   I can't wait to see how I handle her first day of Kindergarten.   I was a MESS on Gavin's first day.  AFTER I dropped him off of course.   I can always keep it together when I need to.  I guess what I know now is that rather than sweeping those feelings under the proverbial rug, I've learned to let the emotions do their thing, run their course, and just do it when it's not going to adversely affect my kids by watching their mommy crying like a big babyhead. :)

The night before Ellie's graduation I had convinced myself that I would NOT take any pictures.  NO SIREEEE.  I was going to videotape it since I have so little video footage of the kids and more than enough still imagery.  But then my husband was able to make it to the graduation (aha, a second set of hands!) and I assigned him video duty so I could bring my camera.  I'm soooooo glad I did.  I got the cutest shots of my little pumpkin on her big day.  The light was iffy but I worked with it. She was so cute and soooo proud of herself.  

My two kids are suddenly growing up WAY TOO FAST.  Not sure when this transformation occurred but it has really hit me like a ton of bricks this past month. Admittedly, I am *STRUGGLING* with it.  Big time.  I'm looking forward to doing my very best to set aside some serious quality time with them.  I've got some fun plans for June and a mini camping trip in August and plenty of ideas for outings in between if I can just squeeze them in.  Scratch that.  I WILL squeeze them in. These years are whizzing by and I'm realizing that I cannot go back in time, I can't make it up to them, I can't recapture these years.  It's now or never for this particular age.  I want to make it count.  I want them to know how much I value them and our time together.  I want it to be more than just words.  As I was leaving for a shoot the other day, Ellie told me "mommy you work too much!" and got really clingy.  Seems that ever elusive balance has been lost as of late.  So I'm re-evaluating and it's certainly not hard to make my kiddos the biggest priority.  I won't be adding any new classes or workshops or anything that wasn't already on my schedule for the summer months.   And this, right here, is one of the two reasons why:

Is there anything sweeter than a little girl twirling assisted by her daddy's hands?

You can see the slight apprehension in her eyes.  Not really sure what to expect from the ceremony...

But still posing for her mommy!

Chatting with her wonderful teacher Michal whom we've known now since Gavin was 1 yr old.

Ok NOW she is starting to feel the energy and get excited!

feet not even touching the ground on this one!

Accepting her "diploma" from teacher Vicki who was also Gavin's teacher and whom we absolutely adore.

I love how you can see her proud little smirk under the diploma!

The "official" portrait. :)

   

Zouzou et Patou

That's my grandma and grandpa's nicknames.  I don't think I even knew my grandma's REAL name until my late 20's.  :)

My grandmother passed away this weekend.  I haven't been able to really mourn it because it's hard to grieve when your husband is out of town and your kid is calling out for you from the bathroom to "come wipe my butt!"   Besides, I've been trying really hard not to be sad about it because I know she is happy again.  She was soooo ready to go. She kept talking about how she'd had this amazing life and how she wanted to end on a high note instead of a slow, drawn out ending. The last four years have been really hard on her and the last year in particular must have felt dreadfully long to someone like her with such a vivacious and fiercely independent spirit.  When she was first moved out of her apartment and into the "old people home", she actually tried to escape.  Just hearing that story made me laugh.  They had to equip her with a special bracelet to sound an alarm every time she tried to run away.  It's when she stopped trying to leave that I knew she was losing her fighting spirit and that's the first time I started feeling like it really would be better for her to pass on rather than remain in a body and mind that were betraying her spirit.

The very last time I spoke to her on the phone she didn't even recognize me or know who I was.  She would have the occasional lucid moment when my mom called her (which my mom did several times a week) and, increasingly, many more moments where she wouldn't even recognize her.  The kids and I would send her pictures and artwork to cheer her up.

My grandpa was an AMAZING and respected artist and my grandma was a fan of the arts.  They were deeply in love with each other and when he died, a piece of her died too.  They both loved photography, art, parties, family, music and LAUGHTER.  They both loved being surrounded by their family and especially loved those long, lingering European meals, particularly outdoors.

I had the magical experience of spending every summer of my childhood growing up in Corsica (small island south of France) with my grandparents.  The first few years of my life, my mom obviously came along with me.  Eventually, though, my mom sent me overseas alone for the first time when I was 4 yrs old.  I distinctly remember the white plasticky thing hanging around my neck safeguarding my passport and plane tickets!  I remember the nice flight attendants coming by with Crayons and coloring books.  I look back and marvel at how a nearly 5 yr old child was able to entertain herself pretty much alone for a 10+ hr flight.  When I came back from that wonderful first summer alone with my grandparents, I had a baby sister waiting for me at the airport.  I wasn't too thrilled about that...  But I got over it and continued to look forward to our solo trips out there every summer at my grandparent's gorgeous villa overlooking what I consider to be the most amazing view on the planet.  

I can still smell my grandma's homemade french fries that she would make just for me and my sisters because we were so crazy about them.  She'd pack us a "gouter" (snack) in the morning after breakfast and send us down to the beach where we'd spend our days baking under the sun, swimming in the ocean, jumping over waves, exploring and collecting seashells (all of which we had long ago assigned a specific value point system to). 

When the sun reached a certain point in the sky, we'd reluctantly tackle the long walk back up the hill to the villa and while we were showering off the sticky salt water my grandma would whip up an amazing meal for us.

We'd spend our evenings sitting on the deck playing games and listening to my grandpa play the accordion or pose for him as he sketched our portraits.  I cannot ever remember a time being more happy or feeling more loved and secure in my entire life.  My absolute fondest memories of my childhood all revolve around my time in Corsica with my grandparents and my sisters.  My mom would sometimes come for the whole trip and other times not be able to get that much time off work and just come for our last two weeks.  We were all so happy there.  It was just a little slice of heaven as far as we were concerned.

If I close my eyes and concentrate, I can transport back to that time and can smell the mouth watering aroma of my grandmother's ripe fruit trees wafting across the back deck along with the gentle Corsican breeze.  I can practically taste the buttery deliciousness of the best apricots in the whole wide world.  I would sometimes eat so many right off the trees that I would end up with an upset stomach for the rest of the day.   I can smell the "maquis" (what would best be described as the "forest" of Corsica which has a very distinct smell) and the alluring odor of my grandfather's artists' "den".  It was a pungent mixture of smells from a variety of oils, pastels, paints and sprays and probably a hundred other toxic substances!  I used to sit quietly on the front stoop in the always open doorway and watch him as he would paint and see the graceful movement of his arm strokes and how he could get totally lost in his art and yet never forget I was there, because every once in a while he'd throw a silent wink and smile my way.  My grandfather was friends with many famous artists in his day (Salvador Dali one of them) and his incredible talent and gift for both Architecture and Artistry sadly skipped by me but fortunately was handed down to my mother and sisters who are quite blessed to be able to carry on the genetic ability to sketch anything, anywhere, anytime.  I can't draw a stick figurine to save my life. :)

My grandma was a tough cookie too.  As brave and rugged as they come.  My grandparents came with us on an RV trip across the USA one summer.  We were somewhere in the midwest, in some God forsaken desert, and a HUGE hairy freakish looking tarantula came out of nowhere and crawled up on her foot.  I most probably nearly passed out at that point but my grandma just said: "Oh! La petite arraignee!" (oh, look at the little spider) Grabbed a big rock and smooshed it.  No hesitation. No fear.  No big deal.  Another time she literally ground up her fingers in a blender and DROVE HERSELF ALONE to the hospital so as to not bother or disturb anyone.  My grandma was tough as nails.  And most certainly not one to be intimidated by anyone. She never apologized for who she was and showed me that it is OK to be secure in who you are and not care what anyone thinks about you.  She showed me what it is to have the confidence to just be your authentic self and not make any excuses for that.  I had so much respect for her.  Nobody EVER messed with my grandma or told her what to do.  She ran the show wherever she was. 

The past year I have mourned not being able to go visit her.  The cost was just far too prohibitive to take a family of four and I would need at least 7 days off to do it right.  With the kids in school and so many shoots back to back and no one to watch the kiddos that long if I even were able to go alone, it just wasn't feasible. 

The last time I went there and saw her was 4 years ago.  Gavin was 20 months old and I was very pregnant with Ellie. I was a SAHM at that point as well with no real schedule to worry about and Gavin wasn't even in preschool yet.  This was before her decline and I marveled at the bundle of energy that she still was.  She still crossed traffic against the light (a habit of hers that used to drive me completely bonkers not to mention stress me out to no end and one that she persisted in doing even AFTER she had been hit by a car doing it).  She was the same feisty, spirited woman I had known my whole life.  In so many ways, Ellie reminds me of her.  I had such a strong connection with my grandma and I know it's because we were so similar in personality.  I "understood" her and where other people sometimes had conflicts with her, I never did.  We were always in sync.  Besides, there was no point in disagreeing with her as she'd just dismiss you with a wave of her hand and that was the end of that!   She used to knit me these amazing dresses when I was a  little girl and I know I took up knitting to feel more connected to her despite our distance.  She sent me home that year with all her old knitting needles and although I don't use them (I like circular needles), they are in my office close by and every once in a while I pull them out and touch them.  I can feel her presence in them.  My grandma was a high energy gal and pretty much always on the move. The only time I ever remember her actually sitting down was when she would go in her favorite rocking chair and unwind with some knitting.

I miss my grandma very much but in a weird way I can almost feel her presence more strongly now.  That convinces me that her spirit is free of the physical and mental limitations that were holding her back these last couple years.  She is truly free now.  Unencumbered by a frail body and an failing memory.  It would not surprise me to learn that, in all likelihood, she is probably running across a street somewhere AGAINST the "don't walk" sign and laughing about it.

In honor of my grandma (and my grandpa), I'm going to share a few pictures I dug up today.

These next two were taken in 1994, the last time my entire family was there.  My mom, her sister (my aunt), her husband (my uncle), their two daughters (my cousins), my two sisters and my grandma and grandpa all gathered together at the villa.  Good times.

In 2002 I took my soon to be husband on a trip through Europe.  My grandma and Jason totally hit it off even though neither one spoke the other's language.  They both spoke the language of WINE.  And they very happy to share that love.  My grandma took us to her little winery she would go to every week to fill her "jugs" straight out of the wine barrels.  Jason was as close to being in heaven as I think he could be.  They were so cute together.

My grandma taught me the art of talking with your hands.  We are both very animated and I love this shot because we are having some sort of lively discussion since BOTH our hands are up at the same time!

My grandparents had the best sense of humor.  When they were young they really liked to party and here is a photo of them dressed up for one such soiree.  My grandpa is wearing the dress though and my grandma is wearing the pants.  It was a joke on their relationship where my grandma definitely wore the pants in the family.  They had so much fun together!

Zouzou, je t'aime et je t'envoie de gros bisous!  Ta princesse, qui t'adore, Pascale.

Bay Photo Special

Sharing a little announcement for all my clients and photog friends from Bay Photo Labs (one of my two favorite printing labs, the other is MPIX).  They are having a special right now for all 4X6 prints for just 18 cents each!  That's a really good deal for high quality printing.  

ENTER CODE 18E46 at checkout!

And, to provide everyone with a good giggle today, go check out this new blog I recently discovered.  I am now completely addicted to it and check it out first thing every morning to start off my day with a good laugh:

THE LITTLE CRIMINAL

ENJOY!!  Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!

Courtney Courtney & ZozoBugBaby (another double header!)

So I took Ellie out the other day to model not one, not two but THREE different outfits.  She rocked it but it also wore her out so next time I'll stick to no more than two any given session.  I took Ellie to a new spot which kept her happy and excited.  We went to visit the horses at the public stables behind Covered Bridge Park in Felton.  I tend to avoid that area nowadays because there is such a strong homeless presence and I don't feel particularly keen having me and my kids and equipment hanging out there.   We've had some scary incidents there over the past several years and I have found that I just rarely go there any more.  Which is really a shame because it is such a gorgeous area.  When Gavin was a baby we'd go visit the horses and hang out at that park several times a week.

As a side note, while visiting the horses you are not allowed to pet/touch/feed them unless the owner is there and gives you permission.  We were lucky enough to run into several owners who VERY kindly let us pet their horses.  They were also very kind about letting me take pictures.

We started off with two ZOZOBUGBABY outfits.  The first is the Chicky dress and the second is the Summer In The City Skirt with Custom Alphabet Shirt (see end of blog for more Alphabet T shots).  SO adorable!! After that she switched into her new Stars Flutter Sleeve dress by COURTNEYCOURTNEY.   And she turned on the "star" mode to a T.  I pulled out a pair of sunglasses that matched the dress and the second she put those glasses on she turned into a Hollywood Star through and through.  She wouldn't smile, had this little "I'm avoiding you miss paparazzi" stealth mode attitude and just would walk by me like she was HOT STUFF or something and barely even look at me.  It's like some SUPERSTAR switch went off and she was IN CHARACTER.  And while it was HIGHLY entertaining, it was also very worrisome that she was able to so effortlessly channel that "starlet" behavior... Should I be concerned!?

I absolutely ADORE these next two!

It was that dreadful time of day (high noon) and I was weary to venture out in the sun but really liked this spot so I worked with it as best I could.

I was looking for a way to showcase how many different patterns the skirt had and how perfectly Julie assembles these skirts by hand and then I saw the bleachers! WOOHOOO!!

Then she switched to her Courtney Courtney flutter sleeve dress.

what's up with the ghetto pose!?

And here's when she fell into character.

Walking right by me, totally ignoring the paparazzi...

Hilarious!

Earlier this month I did a handful of shots for Julie showcasing her Alphabet Tee's so here are a couple from that session to top things off here!

He makes my heart melt.

Save our State Parks!!

I've been receiving so many emails about this.  And it just breaks my heart.  Besides the fact that I take pictures for my job at many of the various local State Parks several times a week, on a personal note, my family and I enjoy many of the local parks on a weekly basis as well.  We get a State Park parking permit every year and have done so for the past 7 years.  And we get A LOT of use out of it, I assure you!  I wish I'd been able to post this sooner to let everyone know about the rally yesterday but I got really bogged down with work and couldn't get to it.  I've signed the petition, joined the Facebook page, and forwarded the information to all my friends and family.  This is just sooooooo important.  Read the information below and do whatever you can to preserve funding (and access) to our beautiful State Parks!  THANK YOU!!!

SAVE OUR STATE PARKS & BEACHES!!

If approved by the Legislature, Governor Schwarzenegger's budget plan will close 220 of

279 State Park and Beaches, including each and every Park and Beach in Santa Cruz

County!

Proposed Santa Cruz County State Park and Beach Closures: Big Basin Redwoods State

Park, Castle Rock State Park, Castro Adobe State Historic Park, Coast Dairies State Park,

Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park, Lighthouse Field State Beach, Manresa State Beach,

Manresa Uplands State Park, Natural Bridges State Beach, New Brighton State Beach, Palm

State Beach, Rio Del Mar State Beach, Santa Cruz Mission State Historic Park, Seabright State

Beach, Seacliff State Beach, Sunset State Beach, The Forest of Nisene Marks, Twin Lakes

State Beach and Wilder Ranch State Park.

Beginning July 1st, the Governor will cut the parks core funding in half and then eliminate

all core funding in twelve months.

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

1. COME TO THE RALLY‐ Monday, June 1, 5:30 PM, at Natural Bridges State Beach,

in the parking lot before the entrance station. Rally participants will be able to use a mobile

computing station, supported by a beach‐area Wi‐Fi hotspot, to send messages to Governor

Schwarzenegger and legislators. We hope for good media coverage, so please come and

bring your friends and family. Express your love for the Parks by bringing signs, wearing

your favorite park t‐shirt or docent‐wear.

2. SEND A MESSAGE TO THE GOVERNOR & LEGISLATURE ‐ Visit

www.ThatsMyPark.org, click on "Take Action" and follow the steps to automatically fax the

Governor and your Legislators.

3. COME WITH US TO SACRAMENTO ‐ Let your voice be heard at the ONLY PUBLIC

HEARING on this proposal before the Legislative Budget Conference Committee. Tuesday,

June 2, in the State Capitol. We have hired a bus, so please save your spot by calling 429‐

1840, ext 103, or Peg@ThatsMyPark.org, if you'd like to join us.

4. GET INVOLVED & INVITE YOUR FRIENDS ‐ Go to www.ThatsMyPark.org to stay

involved in the campaign, contribute and become a Fan of Friends of Santa Cruz State Parks

on Facebook. And please help get the word out to your own personal networks about this

campaign to Save Our State Parks & Beaches.

STATE PARK CLOSURE FACTS

For the financial well being of our state and future generations, we must oppose this

reckless plan.

Even if you are not planning to visit a park soon, the governor's shortsighted proposal will

impact you and every California resident. It is the very definition of "penny‐wise, pound

foolish". Consider the facts:

FACT: The Governor’s plan represents an “abandonment” of our State Parks and beaches,

a public trust resource that must be stewarded for future generations. It would lead to a

wholesale dismantling of an internationally recognized Park System that has taken 150

years to build.

FACT: The General Fund budget that State Parks receives accounts for less than 1/10 of

one percent of the entire state budget.

FACT: Last year alone, there were over 80 million visitors to State Parks – and all

indications are this year will be even higher. During these terrible economic times, more

and more residents are relying on the State Park System for low‐cost alternatives to

expensive vacations. Our parks provide affordable opportunities for recreation, relaxation

and learning with our friends and family.

FACT: Last year Santa Cruz County State Parks provided environmental and cultural

education programming to 611,174 school children, families and individuals.

FACT: For every dollar that funds the parks, $2.35 is returned to the state's General Fund

through purchases in the local communities surrounding the parks and in the parks

themselves. That means eliminating all funding for State Parks ($70 million this year)

could actually result in the state losing over $350 million dollars in revenue. Untold losses

would also be felt in local hotels, restaurants and shops.

FACT: Public investments in State Parks leverage volunteer hours and dollars. Statewide,

in 2008, docents and other park volunteers provided $21,329,811 worth of services to the

parks. Over the last 10 years, Friends of Santa Cruz State Parks, a non‐profit park

cooperating association, has provided nearly $9 million of support. All of these valuable

partnership contributions would be lost.

FACT: It isn’t logically possible to “close” a State beach or Park open space. But without

sufficient State Park staff to patrol, provide public safety and rescues, perform

maintenance, provide essential facilities such as restrooms, provide educational

programming and protect the plants, animals and cultural and historic resources, our parks

would deteriorate and become attractive nuisances for criminal activity. It would cost

more money in the long run to close our parks than would be saved!

FACT: This is the worst threat to Park System in its 150‐year history.

FACT: We need your help to defeat this draconian, shortsighted proposal!!

Friends of Santa Cruz State Parks

www.ThatsMyPark.org

UNPLUG DAY

My friend Jodie over at Jodified sent me an invitation (challenge?) in early May to participate in an unplug day.  The premise is as follows (excerpt from invitation):

I am emailing you today b/c A. you are a fellow photographer B. you are creative and USE photos in your craft and C. you have a blog!

And the reason is b/c there is this idea to UNPLUG. For just one day.

No computer. No phone. No tv. Nothing. 

The idea is that it is OK to step away from the iPhone. Or Twitter. Or Google Reader. Or EMAIL for just one day. The plugged in world will be waiting when you get back the next day!

How many times have you told your kids to wait a second while you finished emailing someone? Or reading a blog? How many beautiful days have you missed while working on the computer?

Or is it just me?

Stacy Julian, Tami Proffitt Photograhy and Nickel City Studios are on board among a TON of others and I would love you to consider UNPLUGGING for just ONE day this month, May, and then blogging about it on June 1st!

I think spreading the message with words+photos that IT IS OK to take a day OFF and just LIVE is powerful. Spreading the idea of simplicity. 

Here is where I blogged about it if you want more info:  http://jodified.typepad.com/a_mom_and_her_camera/2009/05/the-big-simple-idea.html

And here is where Stacy Julian blogged about it:  http://stacysbigpicture.typepad.com/altogether_too_happy/2009/05/unplug.html

I really think, especially for creative people who run their own businesses, this idea of unplugging can be powerful. 

Thanks for your time!
jodie

  

----------------

I know I spend entirely too much time at the computer whether it be returning emails, editing images or posting blog posts (which all take up a ridiculous amount of time).  And that doesn't even factor in all the time I spend in my home office doing my bookkeeping, office stuff, preparing my client's packages, dealing with various work related chores etc....  And THEN throw in some Facebook time and perusing of my favorite blogs and honestly, it can sometimes feel like I am "plugged in" 20 hrs a day.  And the kids... the kids....of course.

I also was starting to feel like I honestly could NOT go an entire day without checking my email.  With my beloved Iphone, I get notified anytime an email comes in and immediately check it.  I pride myself on getting back to my clients incredibly fast.   But, the flip side of that, is that my kids do not have my undivided attention even when I'm away from my home office and supposed to be attending to their every need and being totally engaged with them - NO distractions.

I knew this would be a good challenge for me.  I was supposed to do this any day in May and sorta kinda cheated by doing it on Mother's Day.  I really had no intention of doing any work related activities on Mother's Day so I figured it would be easy peasy for me to finally disconnect and unplug from everything.  

And while I had no problem unplugging from my office work, editing, voicemails, TV etc.... the giving up of the Iphone was a whole different ballgame.  I REALLY struggled.  You may laugh at me (go ahead! I can take it!) but that little puppy is attached to my hand practically 24/7.  It's an addiction.  I realize I need help.  I have yet to find a suitable support group. :)

I did wisely set myself up for success by going up to my mom's with the kids to avoid the lure of my home and home office and the many, many things I should have been doing.  No, sir-eee.  Mother's Day was going to be a REAL day off!

Or so I thought.  Everytime my Iphone gave out its sweet little "boop" sound of a new email I'd start nervously biting my nails to avoid looking at it. Then I'd have to SIT on my hands to avoid picking it up and looking at it.  Eventually I turned the darn phone off.  But that didn't stop the withdrawal symptoms....

Once at my mom's we hung out and had fun.  That helped.  We took the kids on a bike ride/walk (they rode their bikes while the adults walked) around Lake Chabot in Castro Valley.  I left the phone in the car but did bring the camera.  I didn't see any mention about "no cameras" so I figured that would be OK.  I tried to only take a few shots here and there though and not go into full "photoshoot mode."  I think I did a pretty good job.  I put it away when we got back.  It was a warm day and the kids stripped down to their undies and ran around my mom's gorgeous backyard.  I grabbed a few shots, most of which I will not post due to the scantily clad nature of my children, but fun for us to have.

However, by mid afternoon I was seriously wondering if I had missed an important email and couldn't shake a really bad feeling I had that I was dropping the ball on something important.  My husband, who knew about my unplug challenge and was not about to let me visibly look at my emails, was doing something and I quickly and stealthily snuck my Iphone into the bathroom with me.  Yes, yes I did.

Turned it on, quickly scanned my emails and found a very important email from a commercial client regarding a HUGE job I had the next day shooting close to 100 kids.  SO glad I checked my email.  I responded to her, ignored all the others and got rid of the evidence (surreptitiously put the phone back in my purse without anyone noticing!).  [note: Jodie mentioned in her post how with all the many hats we wear, and many obligations we have and stuff to do with our bustling businesses, it would be pretty much impossible to totally disconnect but that our goal should be to try to unplug as much as we can, as frequently as we can.]

I actually enjoyed the rest of the day.  Got home around 10pm and after getting kids in bed, promptly turned on my computer to catch up on the other emails and get everything ready for my big shoot the next day.  PHEW.

So, all in all, I wouldn't call it a complete failure but I did cheat once and I did not make it the full 24 hrs.  Truth be told, unless I was away on a vacation and my clients had received notification that I was UNAVAILABLE for that period of time, I think I would legitimately have a really hard time NOT being so intimately connected to my computer/Iphone.  I am running a business here and I'm the lady with many hats, I cover all aspects of this business and I need to be connected to it.  Having said that, it is equally important for me to learn to DISCONNECT from it for periods of time.   

Since the challenge I have had a couple more days of mild to moderate "unplugging."  Memorial Day (see previous post) was one of those days.  I didn't turn the phone off but I wasn't glued to it either.  I was 100% engaged with my family and not thinking about all the stuff I had waiting for me back at home both work wise and house wise.  

I would so love one day to be able to afford a housecleaner!  That would be one huge time sucker that I would have NO problem delegating to someone else.  I know I am a total control freak and refuse to outsource anything that has to do with my photography business but the house cleaning is something I would GLADLY pass off to someone else!!!  A girl can always dream, can't she!? Sigh....

Ok, so here are just a few pictures from my Mother's Day/Unplug Day.  I should mention that my day started super early with a nice run with my best friend and set the tone for the rest of the day.  Thanks Christy for convincing me NOT to sleep in on Mother's Day (as planned) and I'm sorry for asking you if you had completely lost your mind when you suggested I get up at the crack of dawn on Mother's Day to go for a run with someone who runs 10 miles every day when I can barely do 4 or 5 on a good day.  I really meant it in the nicest way possible. :)

And they're off!

First of all, yes, Gavin is still using training wheels.  Yes, he turns 7 in a couple months.  Yes, we've tried everything.  Moving right along....

These two were totally the tortoise and the hare story.  Gavin would pedal as fast as possible to get a lead on Ellie and then totally pucker out and stop on the side of the road and Ellie would calmly just keep her same pace and before you knew it, while he was still catching his breath, she'd be going by him, slow and steady, waving at him as she went by.  He'd get all riled up, take off like a bat out of hell and then bam, the cycle would continue.  It had me laughing SO hard.  Ellie would just smirk as she went by him, wave condescendingly and turn back and wink at me as she plugged along at her steady pace.  So funny.

On the way back I grabbed a couple.  The guy in the back is my husband.  The lady with the green shirt is my mom and even though she was wearing a fanny pack I still walked alongside her and never once suggested that she was, like, you know, totally embarrassing me.  I guess I have grown up... :)

Then back at my mom's house.

Don't even ask, the kid is a complete nutball!

Up on the hill in her backyard, the kids found big sticks and had soooo much fun challenging each other to duels... Until someone got whacked and it wasn't fun anymore.  Kinda sorta like I predicted.  Kinda why I warned them to be careful.  Kinda why I figured it would be best for them to figure it out on their own rather than have me nagging them and taking the sticks away.  Lesson learned the hard way.  But more likely to be remembered perchance?....  But I digress.  First they challenged me.  With much glee and funny "mean" faces.

But then softened up for their beloved mommy (I will neither confirm nor deny whether promises of dessert were used in obtaining these next two photographs....)

Memorial Day

My husband and I are always on opposite schedules, when I'm working he's watching the kids and when he's working I'm watching the kids, so rare is the day that we BOTH have off.  Memorial Day was one of those days and we decided to make a nice full fun family day out of it.  I started the day with a quick run to start off with a nice little endorphin rush.  Then we drove up Highway 1 and went on a long hike in Davenport along a beautiful trail.  Then we drove up to Costanoa for a delicious brunch. Then we slowly made our back down Highway 1 and stopped at Swanton Farms to do some organic Strawberry picking.  It was the BEST day ever!!!  I cannot even tell you how nice it was to have a fun filled family day where I was totally removed from my home office and not worrying about everything on my to do list.

I did bring my camera but tried to limit my shooting.  I also brought a long fixed lens (my new 135mm f2 that was my treat from my book sales) to play around with.  I'm so used to my zoom lenses that it takes a great deal of concentration for me to adjust to prime lenses, especially such a "long" lens as the 135 when I am so used to being so "up close and personal" with my shooting style.  I do these little "training experiments" when I'm with the kids to play around with new techniques and equipment.  It provides me a with a "safe" and "stress free" venue to experiment and play around.  So, all of these were taken with the fixed 135mm.

First, the hike in Davenport.

I didn't bring the camera into Costanoa because I feel a little weird taking pictures with my big ole camera inside a nice restaurant.  Plus, I really wanted to just focus on EATING the incredibly delicious food there.  Yummmmmmmmm.

Next stop was the strawberry fields.  It was REALLY windy so Ellie got all Eskimo-like. :)

Ellie was hanging back with us and then decided to take off and catch up to her brother who was running ahead.  That girl is a future track star.  I remember her running the one mile loop with me at Henry Cowell when she was just 3 yrs old.  The whole mile, without stopping...  Gavin is so NOT athletic and after a few paces he will start huffing and puffing and when he does run it's so LABORIOUS (kinda like me when I'm running, an elephant running style) and even on the flat hike he kept complaining about his "legs being tired" blah blah blah.  The poor kid is just not into physical activity at all.  Ellie on the other hand is half gazelle.  She has the most beautiful stride and is wicked fast and can already outrun her brother who is two years older.  And she doesn't even breathe heavy!  It's just so EASY for her.  I'm totally jealous, I hate running and only do it to stay in shape, although I do love working out.  So, on this first shot she is taking off to catch up to Gavin who is running up ahead, on the next shot she has caught up to him in a matter of seconds.  I really hope she does something with this talent of hers because otherwise it's a total waste of a gazelle....

Having said that, Gavin can sit and draw for hours on end and Ellie has zero interest in artistic endeavors so each child has their own individual gifts.

Examining the loot.

It was hilarious watching them select their berries, it was kinda like they were picking grapes to be used in the finest wine!

The invisible me

My friend Jodie over at JODIFIED inspired me with THIS post a few weeks ago.  In it she talks about how she has virtually NO pictures of herself with her kids.  I think this is something all mommy photogs suffer from.  And it's a real problem.  My dear friend Liz and I exchange photo shoots once a year so that we can get at least *some* pictures of ourselves with our kids, at least once every 365 days, but the rest of the year: NADA.  Zip.  ZILCH.  I have absolutely nothing to show for the rest of the year other than the gizillion shots I take of my kids.  Shots I am not included in.  It's great that I am able to document so much of their lives but by leaving myself out of the picture (pun intended) I'm taking away an important element.  I want my kids to also remember OUR relationship and my involvement in their lives and how we connected.  I want to document that for MY OWN family too!  And, like Jodie, I hate self timers.  They're not for me.  My camera is too heavy to hold with one hand for any extended period of time as well.  So, I decided to try a little experiment.  I decided that for 3 nights this week, on nights when I didn't have any shoots, I would do a series of "self portraits" with the kids on Ellie's bed and then make a collage from my favorite out takes.  I took them with my dingy point and shoot so no, we're definitely not talking FINE ART here.  The fact is these are just merely snapshots.  Nothing more, nothing less.  And yet they mean SO much to me.  It captures us having fun together.  I took the pictures every night at 6:30pm on Ellie's bed as we were getting ready to tackle the bedtime routine in our house.  Her room gets great light during that time of day (while Gavin's is bright in the morning when he is at school, of course).  We just goofed off, made silly faces, cuddled, talked and LAUGHED.  Hard.  I did a "session" just with Ellie and then one with both Gavin and Ellie.  I haven't been able to do one with just Gavin yet but that's next.  As soon as Ellie stops freaking out when I try to do one with just him on her bed!  She's the jealous type....  :)  I turned off the flash feature on the P&S and just kept snapping away until my arm was so tired of holding up the camera that it was shaking uncontrollably.  Totally worth it.  

Bottom line: we had fun.  And I have "proof" of it.  And my kids have "proof" that I wasn't just the lady behind the camera all the time.  I just may value these silly little snapshots more than the "quality" shots I take of the kids.  The best part is I'm wearing absolutely no make-up, in totally grubby clothes, hair up in a ponytail or crazy and uncombed and yet, I could absolutely care less, because this is how the kids see me every day and they still love me anyways!  This is real life captured. Just the way I like it.

Thank you, Jodie.

 

That bottom middle one with Ellie cracks me up.  We were both winking at the camera but I'm the doofus who can only wink with my left eye and I was holding the camera with my right hand and well, I just look like a total dork, but I swear I'm winking!!

Guest Blogging at MCP Actions

I'm guest blogging a post all about Maternity Photography over at Jodi's place ie: MCP Actions.

Go check out the article here:  MCP ACTIONS.

And if you ended up here because you are one of Jodi's readers: Welcome! :)

FreePoverty.com

This is such a great site.  A tad bit addicting too.  A free and fun site that tests your geography.  I did fairly well the first time.  But, never one to leave well enough alone, I kept wanting to get a higher score.  Ultimately, my first score proved to be my best.  But the truly BEST part of this site is that when you play the game, you help donate water to those in need.  Go check it out.  Totally worth your time.  My first round score was 147.  But every time you play thereafter it keeps adding to your "tally" so every round is more water for those who need it.

I created a badge after my first round not knowing if I would better my score.  Glad I did that.  My second round I got a measly score of 89!  EEEK.  Turns out my geographical knowledge of Europe is much better than that of South America....

Hint: you gotta click really fast as you only get 2 seconds to choose your spot. Otherwise it moves on to the next "location" and you get zero points for that one!

p.s. Edited to add: I scored a 173 right after posting this! Sweeeeeeet.
 

IT DOESN'T COST A  THING TO "DONATE"  Just playing the game is donating.  The advertisers pay for it. :)

Still crazy busy....

Eeeek!  Still incredibly busy with a bunch of huge shoots that I can't post. I shot close to 100 children in the span of 8 hrs without a single pee/drink/eat break on Monday and ended up with over 3,000 images to sift through.  I worked nonstop on them for four days straight so it's been pretty intense.  I'm so sorry I've been neglectful over here!!  I've gotten soooo little sleep this week.  But I do have a "postable" (is that a word?) shoot this coming weekend (two adorable sisters) so I should be back on track for sure by Monday!

I've had two very sweet client/friends bail me out this week; one brought my family a delicious homemade gourmet meal and the other watched my very high strung and, oh, shall we say "precocious" little Ellie for me for a few hours so I could work hard and productively.   I'm usually TERRIBLE about accepting help but I was having a borderline "I just can't do this anymore" moment and finally broke down and decided that if someone is going to be sweet enough to offer to help me out, they are doing it sincerely and I would be a fool to say no.   I still felt guilty about needing the help (what do you mean I can't handle it all?) but was very grateful for it.  Thank you Eisha and Pamela.  You rock. 

In the meantime a couple quick links to satisfy my loyal readers!

The first link is to a super cute and FREE downloadable paper doll activity that I did with my daughter and which kept her entertained for a solid 30 mn.  That may not seem like much but in this house every uninterrupted minute that I can get work done is a minute worth its weight in gold.  

CLICK HERE for that link.

The second link is for a super cute lunch tote that is on sale right now for just $3.50 and is a great alternative to wasting paper bags.  It is just the right size for a kids' lunch bag or snack bag for a trip to the park.

CLICK HERE for that link.

If you are looking for affordable, eco friendly, home based business cards and arts and crafts for your kids for summer activities, look no further than Stubby Pencil Studio.  I have been buying their kids recycled "color in" cards for ages and it really makes having the kids write thank you cards SO easy, but now they've added more non toxic products to their line.  The toys and gifts section has a wonderful selection of reasonably priced gifts that are all environmentally friendly. Definitely worth a look see.

STUBBY PENCIL STUDIO

Ok, I need to get back to work!  Hope this tides you all over a couple more days!!

One Potato

EEEK!  OMG so busy.  It's weird going five days straight with only 4 hrs sleep each night.  I feel like I am back in the newborn days.  Sigh.  Ok, so NO TIME for a long post.  I'm sorry.   Hopefully this link will tide you over another day or two.

I'm always scouring the library for good "kid" books.  The reading of bedtime stories is a very important ritual in our household and I hit the library once a week with the kids to get our weekly stash.  But it's getting harder to find the really good ones that we haven't already read.

In comes ONE POTATO.  A blog, written by a dad, that highlights the best of the best, both new and old.  I checked it out last week and wrote down TWO entire pages of books I am going to look up in the library's search system for us.  Perfect to keep us busy this summer.  

Go check it out.  It's quite cool-io.

And with that I bid you a cheer-io.

little update

This weather is entirely TOO hot for my tastes... ugh.  I'm thinking Portland sounds really nice right about now....  Luckily for me I will be up there in August teaching one of my workshops so if you are in the Portland area and want to attend my Photography Workshop, it is being held on Monday August 2nd in Portland.  Send me an email and I'll get you all set up!  Class size is limited so don't delay.

Also, the blog is going to be a bit slow this week.  I've got three sessions this week that are not getting posted due to privacy reasons so although I am going to be extremely busy, I won't have much to show for it here on the ole blog.   I will try to find some fun things to share though.  I've actually got a few things I wanted to blog about so if I can get to them I will! :)

I'm also guest blogging on MCP actions next week so stay tuned for that, I'll share the link when it's up.

All in all, a very very very busy week. My husband is finally back from his 6 week training session so I am hoping life gets a bit easier, although you know how it is with them sometimes....they can generate as much work as the kids.... :)

This weekend has been insanely hectic and the coming weeks are not slowing down.  Plus, the kids have all the end of school events... Man, I am just totally swamped these days, as I imagine many of you are right now!

Hang in there everyone, summer is almost here!  

(and then what the &%$#%* are we going to do?!?!  eeeeek.)

ZozoBugBaby & Rosalind Grace Designs

Ellie had this ADORABLE ZozoBugBaby dress to model for me and wouldn't you know it, the day of the shoot we received this gorgeous vintagey headband for Ellie from newly launched Rosalind Grace Designs in Australia.   Her new flapper haircut and this super cute dress worked beautifully with the headband.  I was in love.  I think I told Ellie a gizillion times how cute she looked.  She just kept rolling her eyes at me, but she was smiling too, so I know she knew it was true! :)

Ellie hiked a mile up a steeeeeep hill to get to the overlook area I was wanting to use for the backdrop of this shoot.  Of course, I took pictures on the way up and on the way down too, which is a good thing because she did NOT like the high bench at the overlook.  She said it was "WAY too scary" and only lasted about 3 minutes there before she was ready to hike back down.  Fortunately, between all the shots on the way up, way down and bench location, I was set.

I'm lucky she is such a trooper about these shoots.  It's become our "time" together with me being so busy lately.  I'm glad I'm getting all this time with her before she starts Kindergarten next year.  

I should also mention that this new Yoke style dress from Julie at ZozoBugBaby is very, very comfortable.  Ellie says it's her FAVORITE dress from Julie.  She calls it her "little tulip dress."  Yes, she names ALL her dresses.  Yes, she changes outfits at least twice a day.  Yes, I do ALOT of laundry.

To see more of Julie's gorgeous dresses go visit ZOZOBUGBABY.  To see more of Rosalind's incredible handmade accessories go visit ROSALIND GRACE DESIGNS.

There are times when I look at her and just get LOST in her features, enraptured, almost paralyzed by the breath taking magic of it all, wondering how I possibly made something so impossibly cute.  Then she'll whine or something and the moment is gone as quickly as it came! ha! :)

Those of you who know Ellie know she is NOT sad here, just "posing", her version of working the camera....

I used a "flare/fade" action on the next shot and although I'm not normally a huge fan of using it, I feel like it works with this one.

I can't put my finger on it but the next shot is one of my favorites.

I used a borrowed prime 50mm f1.2L lens for this entire shoot because I've been saving up my book profits for a new lens and that's the lens I *thought* I was going to get.  I still wanted to try it out first before plunking down that much cash.  I was utterly dismayed at how SLOW it was to focus and how many out of focus shots I got with it, even shooting stopped down to f4 or f5.6.   I was NOT happy with it.   It's possible I had a bad "copy" but still, not reassuring.  SO, now I am on the fence about this lens....  This next shot is one that was out of focus and could have been so good had it been in focus but I loved it so much I am posting it anyways, even though it's out of focus....  I added a vintage toning to it as well.

I adore the last three here.

Manzanita's are one of my most favorite trees!

Friend or Foe?

Wanna know what I got for Mother's Day???

This.

Before you start laughing, this is what I ASKED for!  This is what I WANTED!  This is what I coveted.... until I actually tried to use it.  

Here's the thing.  I've been wanting to know how to sew for a long time.  I knit during the winter months (whenever I can find the time...) and really enjoy it.  I love to create/make things.  I'm not particularly crafty but I am a person who enjoys crafty projects, regardless of whether they turn out like masterpieces or not.  They rarely do.  But that's besides the point.  We do lots of arts and crafts in our home.  Before I was working full time we used to spend much of the day doing that but it's gone a bit by the wayside the past year or two.  I have made a commitment to myself to set aside a portion of every week this summer doing arts & crafts activities with the kids since it's something we all enjoy.

But, back to this medieval torture device, er, I mean sewing machine....

I got it for an amazing deal at Costco during a special coupon week they were having and bought it for $100.  It's a snazzy machine.  A good machine.  And I spent all weekend trying to MAKE something.  I have NOTHING to show for it other than a whole lot of collated fabric that serves no purpose.  Sigh.

I knew it would be hard but this is ridiculous.  First of all, sewing straight is HARDER than you would think.  My friends Julie, Courtney and Junneen are probably all laughing their butts off at me right about now.  This is much harder than figuring out how to take a photograph, let me tell you!!

Sigh.

I'm not quite ready to give up.  Certainly not without a fight!  But I have quite a bit of work I need to get caught up on now after my Mother's Day weekend off so I will attend to that and revisit this little "interest" of mine when I have some free time again.   Until then, it sits there in the kitchen mocking me.  Taunting me.  Reminding me that it is smaller than me but much, much smarter than me.

Any one have any really super simple pattern they'd like to send my way that I can work on to practice my yet-to-be-achieved sewing skills?  Preferably something small that won't waste a ton of fabric when I screw it up!?

I hope everyone had a WONDERFUL Mother's Day!!  I off-handedly mentioned that Mother's Day should be a week-long event but that was quickly squashed. Whatever.

Lastly, on Mother's Day I participated in a Photographer Challenged that my friend Jodie sent me and asked me to be a part of.  It was, well, let's just say it was interesting.  I will blog all about it on June 1st.

I will have a new session to post tomorrow night hopefully so stay tuned! :)

Ellie's new 'do debuted in Courtney Courtney style

So last year, right around this time, Gavin and Ellie chopped off each other's hair. Ellie's hair was nice and long (with perfect bangs) one minute and the next minute the bangs were completely gone (as in up to the scalp) and half of her hair on one side was cut up to the top of her ear.  Yeah.  I freaked. 

Then I brought her to our hair gal at Super Cuts and she saved the day by giving Ellie a super adorable "amelie" style hairdo.  It looked GREAT!  We had an easy summer with her super short 'do and then come the start of the school year Ellie asked to grow it out.  It had just gotten nice and long again this month and what do I do?  I make an appointment for her to get it all chopped off.  Hey, it's time for swim lessons again and Ellie is a big wuss when it comes to combing out her hair.  Plus, her hair has decided, out of the blue, to take after mine and has some serious massive curling action going on.  I was under the mistaken belief that my curly locks were one genetic curse I was NOT going to pas onto my kids but apparently not.  

Anyway, we get the haircut yesterday and it's super cute.  Sweet.  We leave.  Then her hair starts to dry... and CURL.  Needless to say, she now has a curly out of control mop on her head and it's pretty hilarious.  The new hairdo is not nearly as cute as it was last year due to the change in her hair structure.  So, we'll live with it for the summer months and then let it grow out again come September.

Today, I took Ellie to do a Courtney Courtney shoot wearing her snazzy new "E" dress that she is deliriously in love with.  Seriously, she wouldn't take it off tonight until I promised I would wash it right away so she could wear it again tomorrow....

When we started the shoot it was really overcast, which is a light I'm not crazy about working with.  Yes, it's a big soft diffused light but it's very directional from above which means, to avoid ugly shadows and "dim" eyes, you have to shoot from above.   This limited my range and perspective.  That said, the location allowed for Ellie to have a blast and all I had to do was run around and shoot from every which angle until I found a direction that worked (high side, facing west and from above).   She was happy as a clam (my friend's house with old fashioned tree swing is heaven on earth for her) and I got to practice my focusing skills!  With both she and I in motion at the same time and a wide open aperture, it was pretty tricky.  Plus my shutter speed had to be 1/640 to stop the motion of her swinging so fast!  

All in all, a fun shoot and we got some great shots.  Half way through the shoot the sun peaked out which caused all kinds of splotchiness in my swing area (me no likey) so we changed locations and used the more covered front lawn area.  I got some close ups of Ellie and her new 'do for my mom to see. :)

As a side note, Courtney has quite a few new styles in her shop including an adorable dragonfly pattern and these incredible "flutter sleeve" dresses that Ellie just loves.  Ellie is VERY picky about what she will wear (understatement of the year....) so if she will wear something it HAS to be comfy.  She'll scream bloody murder if the seams in her socks are askew or the tag in her shirt has not been removed.  

Mornings are so much fun around our house..... sigh.

OK, enough chitchat, here are the pictures!

this next one was screaming B&W to me....

I then noticed a little caterpillar was on her dress.  So we spent a little time watching him and then put him in a safer, less vortex-speedy location.

here's that whirly thing several of you asked me about.  it's not an in camera trick, although it can be done that way, but rather a super fast and easy PHOTOSHOP filter called Radial Blur.  

this is when the sun came out, see the yucky splotchies?! Blergh.

and this is how I knew it was time to move on anyways....

okie dokie there kid, moving right along....

and this is what I like to call her "nothing to see here, folks" look.  It's my "cue".

I can take a hint....

4 year business anniversary

This week, specifically May 8th, marks the four year anniversary of my official business launch.  That was the day of my first REAL, paid, "stranger" shoot.  I was sooooooooooooooo nervous!  I think I muddled through it somehow but I know it was a really nerve wracking shoot for me.   Up to that point I had spent about 6 months doing free shoots for friends and family (so easy to do with people you have a bond, connection and easy rapport with) and slowly building my portfolio/website.  I didn't have a blog or a logo or even a business card yet.  No equipment insurance as I only had one camera body (the oldest digital Canon rebel) and a crappy kit lens and absolutely NO other equipment.  All I really had going for me, in all honesty, was a "make it happen" attitude and a "what have a I got to lose?" approach to it all.  I've always been the type to jump in without hesitation when it comes to trying new things.  I have never feared failure.  It's totally OK with me if something doesn't work out. But I've never understood NOT trying something out of fear.   If there's something I strongly believe it's that you'll never know unless you try.  I certainly didn't expect anything to come out of this endeavor of mine, other than perhaps I would get to go take pictures for people once or twice a month... at best.  :)

When I look at how far I've grown in the past four years; as a person, as a mother, as a business owner and as a photographer, I am absolutely blown away.  Just WOW.  This month in particular has been so exciting with my book being on Blurb's best seller list for a couple weeks and one of my images being published (full page) in a feature article for Mothering Magazine's May-June edition.

It is both humbling and incredibly rewarding to look back on the transformation, to remember (and reflect upon) the struggles, the mind boggling sleep deprivation from having a toddler and newborn while launching your own business, the ups and downs, the occasional (but heart wrenching) bad shoot, the silly mistakes (and there have been plenty!), the knock-your-socks-off amazing shoots that make me float on cloud 9 for days on end, the incredible friendships I've developed with so many of my clients... all of it just comes at me so fast it makes my head spin.

My clients have been so good about referring me to their friends and family that I have not had to place a single ad or do any marketing whatsoever in the past three years.  That, in and of itself, is just amazing.  I am so incredibly grateful!

Here I am now with a successful, bustling business. I teach photography workshops for parents wanting to know how to use their cameras.  Being able to inspire others to take better images and get into photography is so incredibly rewarding. I do commercial shoots for some really awesome women-run businesses.  Incredibly, as of today, I have only 2 (two!) dates left/available for the remainder of 2009.  I've developed my own little sub-specialties (pregnancy and newborn) that I totally ROCK at.  I have a snazzy website, a fun blog with a loyal following, a logo, business cards, tons of great equipment, incredible workshops I've attended under my belt, and four years worth of 2-4 shoots a week experience to rely on.  I belong to several awe-inspiring charity organizations that allow me to volunteer my skills to help others, something I would never have had the ability or confidence to do four years ago.

I still struggle with the massive sleep deprivation from working so late at night and having my kids underfoot throughout the day, but all working moms juggle with that ever elusive "balance" of trying to do it all.   Slowly though, I am finding more time in the day to "get it done" and even squeeze in some me time for working out on a regular basis.  I have learned (the hard way) that when I can get a workout in every morning I can accomplish THAT much more and I'm a much happier person (and better mommy).  When Ellie starts Kindergarten this September, things are really going to change for the better and get even easier, FINALLY!

I don't want to jinx it but I am just in a really good place right now.  I am fully enjoying what I do, I am not feeling burned out, my creative juices are flowing, I am able to help support my family financially, I am able to have time with my kids but also have them see mom going off to work doing something she loves to do, I am able to indulge in my creative/artistic side which fills my soul and mostly, I am able to give my clients the kind of quality images I set out to provide when I first launched my business but didn't have the expertise or know-how yet to make it happen.  I feel like I am living mindfully and am very present/grounded in my life rather than just going through the motions.  Sure, things are a crazy hectic chaotic mess some weeks but it all balances out in the end.

The greatest reward of all comes from watching my clients/friends' little ones grow and change and seeing how the family dynamic is ever evolving as time goes by. Hearing my clients' reactions when they see their images makes all the sleep deprivation worthwhile.  Having their little ones remember me and get excited about playing with me again warms my heart.  Seeing the magical transformation in my client's lives from blushing bride to glowing pregnant lady to deeply transformed new mom is just incredible in every possible way.

Being asked to document all these stages means so very much to me.  These defining "moments" in ones' life are hands down the most magical of all and to be asked to capture them for all eternity is truly an honor.  Yes, I give my clients the wonderful gift of freezing their memories/moments on film, but they gift me with their complete and absolute trust.

It's a very intimate relationship to photograph someone, and even moreso when in the throes of a real, raw and highly emotional time (wedding, pregnancy, right after giving birth...)   This is particularly accurate in my case since my focus is on taking REAL images of REAL life.  I therefore require that my clients be their authentic selves with me at all times.  It definitely takes monumental trust in order for them to "JUST BE" themselves while I do my thing.  Their willingness to be raw, open, vulnerable and real for me is the biggest factor in why I am able to get the images I get.  It's all based on trust.  I don't just take pictures, I create them with them help of my clients.  It's a symbiotic relationship.  Which is why all these lasting client relationships mean so much to me.  It's just going to keep getting better as the years go by... :)

I'm getting all scheklempt (spelling?) now so I will finish this with:  Thank you for four years of fun, artistry, creativity, hard work and laughter.  I can't wait to see what else is in store just around the corner....

zozobugbaby - the little bubble dot dress

At least that's what WE call it.  I'm sure Julie has a much better name for it!  I took Ellie out a couple nights ago to get some pictures of her in this new zozobugbaby design.  It was cold and windy and here I am putting a little strappy outfit on her. I'm such a BAD mom....but I digress.

I had come across this gorgeous meadow of wildflowers on a hike with a friend a few days earlier and knew it would be just perfect for this dress.  So, after dinner, I gathered up the kiddos and off we went.  We had to hike in but they were so excited about it they ran ahead and I was the one having a hard time keeping up with them.  I didn't want to lug a bunch of equipment up the hill so I just brought my camera and one lens.  It was all I needed since the light there at sunset was just delicious.

When I told Ellie she could actually pick these flowers (all I ever do is tell her no when she asks if she can pick flowers since it is usually someone's landscaping!) she was happy as a clam and we now have a lovely bouquet on our dining room table.  

Gavin was my little assistant and was blowing bubbles towards Ellie who giddily ran around chasing the bubbles in this beautiful field.  As picture perfect as it gets...

However, when we got down to the parking lot I noticed we were covered in ticks.  Sigh.  So after a full body tick check (that was fun!) we spent a few more minutes just goofing around in the parking lot so Ellie could blow the bubbles and Gavin could chase them.  They were laughing so hard!  Gavin gets all "karate kid" with the bubble popping scenario and he was just jumping and high kicking and gyrating in every which way to try to pop those bubbles.  I cannot even tell you how funny it was to watch.  We then went home and everyone was thrown in the tub for a second full body tick-check.  Those buggers are just gross.   I'm not a bug person to begin with but I am particularly not fond of ticks and mosquitoes.  Just sayin'.

Last, and MOST important out of all this, Julie is having a big skirt sale this Saturday (yeah, tomorrow people!) where she will be selling all the skirts she has been making this past week for just $10 each!!! That's AMAZING!  I will be there bright and early.  She only has a limited amount to sell so I assure you they will go FAST.  Click HERE to access her Etsy site directly.  Happy shopping!!

Enjoy the images, Julie :)

(here we are first hiking up to the "spot", I had a little sweater on Ellie since it was so cold!)

I can't quite figure out why but this next one is my favorite of the day!

This next one is a total LUCKY shot, it just worked out that the bubbles were NOT blocking her eyes and turned out perfect.  This is my second favorite shot of the day!

Here he is trying to plug up the holes and cracking himself up!  Luckily, Ellie was equally amused.  It could have gotten ugly otherwise....

First Ski Lesson - the pics

I know I posted a quick video a few weeks ago regarding the kids first ski lesson but I have finally had a moment to edit the images I took.  I created a few little collages.  Our trip started out with a visit to Mercer Caverns in Murphy's.  It was great.  I love stuff like that and took a few pictures down there (no flash).  Here's just a few shots.  The kids were surprisingly fascinated by the caves and really enjoyed the visit down in there.

I'm still amazed at how quickly Gavin took to skiing.  The instructor even took him up on the BIG KID lift because he was doing so good after just a few trips down the bunny slope.  He was so proud!   I was also so surprised that despite her initial excitement about skiing and delight over the bunny slope escalator-type lift, Ellie so quickly lost her desire to ski....  Oh well, there is always next year!

Mothering Magazine

I've been a longtime fan of Mothering magazine (as in almost 7 yrs now) and have been fortunate to have had my images used by them before, including one for their annual calendar a couple years back.  So I was, again, filled with great honor and pleasure when I learned they wanted to use one of my images for a full page spread to open up their feature article on Attachment Parenting in the upcoming May/June edition.

I just received my advance copy and snapped a shot of it.  Makes me so happy.   If you are looking for a GOOD parenting magazine, I have two that I read.  I've stopped receiving all the others I used to subscribe to and now just get these two.  They are both in a totally different league than all the other magazines out there:  Mothering Magazine and Brain, Child Magazine.

(Also, a special thank you to Sam and his mommy Amy, my perfect models in this shot which is now over 2 years old!)

Clean Well

I don't usually do product endorsements but I've been using stuff from this local San Francisco based company since they first came out and LOVE everything about them.  They are all natural products and the story behind how (and why) the company was launched is pretty amazing. They are also a very eco-conscious company as well.  My kids actually LIKE washing their hands with this foamy soap, which unlike other foamy soaps, has no harsh chemicals or toxins.  And they smell LUSCIOUS too.  Clean well is having a 30% off sale right now (I just got their email notification) if you use the discount code ED09 at checkout.  Seriously, this company rocks.  Their little travel spray hand sanitizer is always in my purse.  Check it out.  You won't regret it.  And, by the way, this endorsement is completely unsolicited, as I do not personally know anyone who works there, it's just a product and company I love.  The sale is only good through Sunday.

CLEAN WELL PRODUCTS

Heatwave + Sprinklers + Flash = FUN!

Today was my one day off this week so when Gavin got home from school I took the kids outside, turned on the sprinklers and let them go to town.  And just for the sake of me playing around with some of my new OCF equipment/training I thought I'd play around with a double flash on stand set up to see what kind of images I could get.  It was super bright out and I had the flashes on full power.  I even burned up a set of batteries too.  Oops.  By having it set up with one flash trained on each child I was able to get them well lit and have the background go black and the sky turn DARK blue.  The flash was able to stop their action at just 1/200 SS which is the sync speed for the 580EX's I have.  The kids had a blast and by the end we were all laughing hysterically.  They would see the picture on the LCD and run back to take another one.  And, most importantly, they didn't argue ONCE for the duration of the outside fun.  That, alone, was worth its weight in gold! :)

Due to recycle times I would get exactly ONE shot per jump/action so it was a really great exercise in timing for me, rather than just doing a series of bursts.  Also, I had to pre-focus to make sure it would catch what I wanted it to and not accidentally focus on something in the background by mistake.  

Here are a few favorites.  Hope you are all finding ways to stay cool!

Ellie is so funny, she can't run through the sprinklers without covering her face.  She hates the sensation of water pelting her face.

It totally looks like they are running through the sprinklers at night doesn't it?  It was like 4 pm!

this next one is my favorite!

Unbridled joy :)

And how, may you ask, did I know when we were done?  When Ellie only wanted to show me this viewpoint:

Courtney Courtney & ZozoBugBaby

I have been wanting to photograph Ellie in these two fabulous new designs for AGES and was finally able to squeeze it in today.  There was no way I was passing on the first gorgeous, warm (NON-windy) day in weeks that I didn't already have a shoot scheduled for!   As is typically the case with my Ellie commercial shoots I had to do it during the most dreadful time of day and work extra hard to seek out some good light in my chosen location.  All you locals will recognize the Roaring Camp setting :)  First outfit is by ZOZOBUGBABY and the second outfit is by COURTNEYCOURTNEY.

Ellie was being a total rockstar today and I'm sure the judiciously doled out M&M's didn't hurt either.  That said, I think the girl was given to me so I could photograph her.  We make a great team when it comes to the model/photographer relationship.  We were both "in the zone" today and having lots of fun with it.  

Most importantly though, she has to LOVE the outfits she is wearing or it just doesn't happen.  Luckily, she was gaga over her two new outfits and was delighted to model them for me.

We started out with the ZozoBugBaby coordinated skirt and tank top (w/ matching bloomers).  I did the first set with some Off Camera Flash experimentation.  It goes without saying that OCF is WAY easier with adults....who stand still.... and don't go outside the limited range of where one must stand to make it work.  Yeah.  So.  We only did that for one set and then I gave up.  I had marked her spot on the ground and she really really was trying to stay there but you know, hula hooping and twirling require FREEDOM of movement.  One must be able to go ALL OVER THE PLACE to enjoy oneself when one is doing such things.... :)

Regardless, I really liked how the few that worked turned out but I think I may have to stick to adults for future OCF endeavors.  That, or find a way to CONTAIN ZE CHILD....  Anyway, I really like the feel of the splotchy light in the background but well lit foreground without it having that "flash" ickiness to it that I dislike so much.   People were looking at me funny with my flash and light stands and pocket wizards and everything.  I got a few looks that clearly said "that woman takes photographing her child way too seriously..."  Hilarious!

 ZozoBugBaby skirt, tank top and bloomers.  The attention to detail in Julie's sets is just awe inspiring.  Julie is quite the artist and her creativity really comes through in all her designs.  They are so vibrant and full of life and yet coordinate in such a natural and aesthetically pleasing way.  I should mention that her designs sell out quickly due to limited stock, just fyi...

(and the ADORABLE green sandals are from Bugaboo Shoes)

this is very serious business, apparently.

yes, this is the same child as the above picture.

showing off the adorable bloomers!

Then we changed into the equally fabulous CourtneyCourtney dress.  This is a new style with "flutter sleeves" and has a fitted twirly shape to the dress.  It looked AMAZING on Ellie.  I just love the way it fell on her body and, as are all of Courtney's dresses, was incredibly comfortable.  All the CourtneyCourtney dresses are ONE OF A KIND due to the nature of her using recycled tee's to create her masterpieces.  Once it's sold, it's gone.  Again, just FYI. :)

This next picture is just SO Ellie.  Love it.

She was doing her thing, singing and dancing.  That's my girl 24/7.  I mean, except when she is having some sort of meltdown or tantrum, of course. :)

First Ski Lesson

I took three days off for the kids' Spring Break this past Easter weekend and we took them up to my in law's cabin near Bear Valley.  I decided it was the right time to have the kids try out their first ski lesson.  I didn't want to do it any earlier because, considering we go up to the snow only once or twice a year, it didn't seem worth the money to pay for lessons with them so young. I totally understand toddler lessons when you live near the snow but since we don't, I held off.   But now, at 4 and 6 yrs old, I felt the timing was good to at least introduce them to the "mechanics" of skiing.  Truth be told, I am really anxious to be able to take the kids with me on the slopes.   I used to go snowboarding quite frequently (pre kids of course) and it was TORTUROUS to be on the mountain, at the bottom of the ski lift, and not be able to go have fun.  In due time.....  

I was expecting to look like a complete moron sitting there watching them with my videocamera in one hand and my still camera in my other hand, but lo and behold, there was a SWARM of moms doing the exact same thing as me, hahahahaha.  We all laughed at ourselves.  Tis the times we live in....

The kids did look so darn cute in their gear and helmets and goggles.  How could you not want to document that!?  I had expected Ellie to take right to it (since she is my athletic and fearless one) and was hoping Gavin would at least *try* to get past his apprehension but much to my surprise Gavin took right to it and LOVED it.  He maximized the full 1.5 hr group lesson going down the hill over and over and over again.  Ellie, on the other hand, went down the bunny hill exactly twice.  The first time she was thrilled and so happy and proud.  All was good.  The second time she fell and was pissed off when she got to the bottom.  She categorically refused to get back on her skis.  The instructor spent the rest of the time with Gavin who therefore ended up getting a private lesson since the only other person in the group lesson, his sister, quit!  

This video is mostly for my family's entertainment since it's pretty boring to watch someone else's kids going down a bunny slope for the first time but at the end of the video is a little interview with Ellie that had me in stitches.  She had been "sitting it out" for a few minutes and I kept trying to convince her to try again since it is so uncharacteristic of her to just quit when something is challenging.  Usually that just makes her want to try even harder.  I couldn't figure out why she'd just given up especially since she hadn't gotten hurt on her minor fall.   The conversation is so funny to me.  Standard Ellie these days: whiny, emotional, dramatic.  She's been going through a very unpleasant stage lately but at least this episode with her made me laugh rather than want to pull my hair out!  You can also see the conciliatory mint in her mouth that the instructor had given her to try to make her feel better.  Too funny!

When we go back to the snow next year we will try skiing again and hopefully Ellie will enjoy it a bit more.  She did love going up the bunny slope "magic carpet" lift though :)

Password is:  brokentrust

FYI, I turned the volume off until the interview because my nonstop babbling and gushing while they are going down the hill was particularly annoying. :)

first ski lesson from pascale wowak on Vimeo.

Happy Easter!

I want to take a moment to wish everyone a Happy Easter!!!

I know it's been a few days since my last blog post which is pretty unusual.  I've been super busy with shoots and family stuff and haven't had a moment to blog.   My kids are now on Spring Break and so I am taking 3 days off to spend some quality time with them.  My daughter is also sick right now and I feel it coming on in me too so I am just going to take it easy the next few days and chill with my kids.  It's been a really exhausting few months, especially with the husband away at training for so long.  I need a few days to recoup.

A little story to tide you over though :)

I  took my daughter to a really fun 4 yr old princess party yesterday before heading out for a family shoot.  The girls were all decked out in their best princess garb and so excited.   Princess Ariel was slated to make an appearance so you can imagine their unbridled anticipation as they run around waiting for her to show up.  When she got there all the little girls started squealing and jumping up and down.  After the squealing died down Ellie walks up to Ariel and goes: "what took you so long? we've been waiting for you! Did you get stuck in traffic?"   Yeah, so the mom slinking away in the corner, that was me......

Then, a little later, Ariel pulls out her book and starts reading the girls the story of Princess Ariel.  At the end of the story she invites the girls to ask her any questions they want to ask.  Several little girls ask about living under the sea, Prince Eric, Triton, Flounder etc....  My daughter?  She locks eyes with Ariel, as if testing her legitimacy, and asks: "what's 10 + 10?"   That's my girl.  Marches to the beat of her own drum that one.

I remember talking to the kids when I was in Louisiana and a big storm was passing through and the wind was howling and rain was pelting against the hotel window and Ellie got very stern with me and admonished me to: "listen mom, you are just going to have to be brave, ok?"  My four year old, telling me to be brave.  Love it.

Ok, I'm off to do an easter egg hunt and then spend the rest of the day (unsuccessfully) rationing the vast amounts of sugar intake my children are most likely going to engage in....

A fun photo from the past to make you smile.  This is me and my two younger sisters about ten years ago.   One of the very few photos of all three of us together as adults.   Just goes to show the ever lasting value of photography.  I cherish every image I have with my family, even more so because we have so few.  You can't go back in time, but you can certainly capture it for all eternity!

Update

I just got back home now at 11pm after a long travel day (delayed flights due to storm conditions).  I have yet to download my images from the workshop and still have a big shoot I need to edit from the day before I left not to mention the myriad of things that have piled up in my absence… So, I will be very busy the next couple days before my next shoot trying to get caught up.  That said, I PROMISE to put some photos up from the workshop as soon as possible, they are AMAZING.  The whole experience was absolutely wonderful and I had the best time ever!  Kelly Moore Clark is a brilliant photographer and also a very nice, down to earth person.  Those two traits don’t always go hand in hand but she is about as genuine and authentic as they come.  My admiration for her has only grown.  We laughed so much and had so much fun all while creating some truly magical images.   Her assistant/stylist Brandy did an incredible job putting the shoot together picking the two most fabulous models who could not have possibly been more perfect for this shoot.  And her attention to the nitty gritty details with killer outfits and accessories was not lost on me.  Kelly pulled everything together with a delicious location and a way of visualizing things like only she can.

That day will be seared in my memory for the rest of my life.  The experience, truly, transcends mere words.  I will have to let the images speak for themselves. Stay tuned.

Day One

The drive over the hill to the airport in our compact little Prius with the kids’ bickering voices both too close (and ergo too loud) but also not quite close enough.  I am acutely aware that the mere inches that separate us now shall soon be more.  Jason is trying to have a discussion with me about refinancing and money and budgets and I am discreetly tuning him out to avoid the inevitable argument.  I am also paying enough attention to distract myself from the anxiety of leaving the kids behind.  It will not even be three full days.  Not quite 58 hrs, actually.   I don’t know why I struggle with this so. Considering the fact that I spent most of my waking hours internally wishing I could just GET AWAY for a few days… it seems practically blasphemous for me to sit here and have to work so hard to squelch my fears.  Fear of what?  Accusations of abandonment?  Clearly, the kids are not going to be so traumatized by my 58 hrs away that they will harbor deep resentment towards me the rest of their lives… Fear that I am perhaps a very selfish mother for putting my own needs ahead of my children’s?   In all fairness, that’s not really accurate.  After all, their immediate needs are certainly all being attended to in my absence and they are being well cared for by their father.  What then? What troubles me so?

Based on the recurring theme of all my persistent nightmares over the past week, I understand my fear is that something terrible, horrible, unfathomable is going to happen to them while I am so very far away.  And that I, due to my physical geographical distance, will find myself unable to be the attentive, loving mother they will so desperately need during a time of unspeakable tragedy.  That I will, in essence, utterly and completely fail them in my role as mother. That I will not BE THERE when I am needed most in that critical moment when a child wants only his/her mother and NO ONE ELSE…Instead,  I will be a full day’s travel away.  And that I, besides dealing with the emotional upheaval of having some tragedy befall my child, will additionally have to deal with the lifelong guilt of having “not been there.”

Granted, the logical, practical and reasonable side of my brain knows that the odds of something terrible happening while I am gone for 58 hrs are slim to none.  But does that soften for one single moment the fear that grips my heart as I write this waiting for my second flight, traveling yet further away from my beloved offspring?  Nope.  Because my heart, my achy breaky heart, is working overtime to squash any of the intelligent messages my brain is trying to get through to me.  What we have here, folks, is a failure to communicate.

After a delay in the flight I finally board my second plane, this time to my final destination.  The plane is disconcertingly small.  Why is it that the smaller the plane the greater my anxiety in boarding it?  After all, one would reason, a heavier plane would fall out of the sky much faster than a lighter one.  And seeing as the miracle of flight is still beyond my comprehension (how many thousands of pounds are suspended in air!? HOW is this possible?), I should surely feel more comfortable in a smaller, lighter mode of air transportation no?  Alas, no.  Small planes make me nervous.

The anxiety of my last nightmare now takes over me.  In the last one it was I who had the tragedy.  It was my plane that went crashing into the ground, creating in that inferno two motherless children.  Goodness gracious, what is wrong with me?  I am not normally THAT anxious of a person.  Sure, I’ve been called a worry wart ever since becoming a mother but my true nature is that of a daredevil, a thrill seeker, an adventurer!  I love flying!  I used to jump out of planes for crying out loud!  What is up with me?

I pull out my book (The Space Between Us by Thrity Umrigar) which I started on my first flight today and am already halfway through.  It is helping me escape the guilt-inducing internal chatter that is noisily pelting away at me like hail on a tin roof.  I can lose myself in my book and instead wrap myself in the anxiety of another mother!  Brilliant.

But it works, the flight is soon over.  As we begin our descent I can hear a little baby start to cry as I feel my own ears painfully adjusting to the change in altitude.  I hold my nose and pop my ears to great relief.  The poor baby has no such option.  She begins to scream, a very wretched cry that pierces right through me.  I start to squirm in my seat.  I never used to notice a baby’s cry before becoming a mother myself, at least not in a way that affected me any more than: “how annoying.”  But I am acutely aware of these cries and I can feel my pulse race and my heart start pounding.  It is physically painful to hear this poor baby’s distraught cries.  It is becoming excruciating and all I want to do is take away the baby’s pain.  I wish I could relieve this poor little creature of her suffering.  But the wails just become more and more hysterical.  I look around and discover a sea of blank faces.  No one seems remotely disturbed by the cries any more than just a mild annoyance for the disruption in silence that was previously there.  I, however, am now beyond fidgety and can sense little beads of sweat forming on my brow.  I look at the older woman next to me, just returning from a visit with her daughter and grandchildren and she seems to not even notice that there IS a baby crying.   Am I completely loony that I am the only one (besides, perhaps, the baby’s own mother!) to be so distraught over these painful cries?  It is in this moment that I realize just how much becoming a mother has changed me.  I have written in my journal at length about this metamorphosis, especially after the birth of my first child.  I have watched the transformation with equal parts awe and sadness.  Goodbye old me! Hello new me!  Never quite sure whether to mourn the death of the hardened and fearlessly reckless woman I used to be or celebrate the much softer, more nurturing, more compassionate new me.   I seem to be perpetually confused over that one.

We land just before what I am sure would have been a full blown panic attack given a few more minutes and the baby finally settles down. I head out and absent mindedly retrieve my rental car, distracted by my strong reaction to what was, essentially, just someone else’s baby crying.

 

I get on the road for the hour long drive to my hotel.  It is now late, nearly 9:30 pm and I am tired.  It’s been a long day.  I spend the first 30 mn of the drive processing, analyzing, pondering.  I wonder why I have such a hard time being away from my kids.  I certainly fail to cherish and appreciate every single moment when I am with them and god knows I have, quite frequently, secretly wished Calgon would take me away.  So, why the heartache?  Why can’t I enjoy this time away?  Why the massive guilt?  They are surely doing just fine.  I am not THAT important that they can’t go a few days without me….  I acknowledge to myself that the hardest thing to adjust to after becoming a mother was the loss of my FREEDOM.  My freedom to come and go as I please, sleep whenever and for however long I wanted to, pee alone, eat with two hands and without getting up a hundred times…and most of all, TRAVEL.  Oh how I miss kid free traveling.  My pre-kid years were spent with a great deal of international travel and I look back so fondly on that time.  The excitement of new things, new foods, new languages, new people…. Ah, pure happiness.  And here I am doing a very small jaunt away and not appreciating it one bit.  Being consumed by stress, guilt and anxiety.  How’s that for freedom? 

Shackled, not by my children, but by my own misguided feelings and emotions.  Silly me.  I turn on the radio and eventually find the one station in all of Louisiana that is not playing country music.  I turn it up, louder than it would normally be with the kids in the car.  I noticed that, even though I am going 70mph, truckers in big rigs are flying by me.  I see the speed limit here is much higher than in Cali.  Well, I used to love to drive fast.  In fact, I used to be a little speed demon before my children’s precious little bodies were in my car.  I speed up to what seems to be the average speed, about 85mph and feel a tinge of familiarity.  Ah, yes, this is nice.  I sing along to the radio, loudly, knowing my children are NOT here to complain about it.  So there.   I start to feel my soaked wings start to dry.  The storm has passed and the heavy downpour of guilt has stopped.  I can now fly down this road.  Un-encumbered.  Free at last.

The Note

Ok, so any of you mommies who have left your kids in dad's care for more than one day know about this "note" I am talking about.  It's basically a shortened list of everything us mommies do in a mere 24 hrs time span.  The thousands of little details our wonderful husbands have no idea about.  And with me leaving tomorrow morning I wrote up "The Note."  I decided to share the note here because I thought it was pretty entertaining to see the vast difference in what is important to mom versus what is surely not important to dad.  And also what my priorities for the kids are while I am gone as opposed to what my husband would find important while he is gone.  Actually, come to think of it, he probably cared less about what we did or didn't do while he has was away at training.  So, why I find it so important that the kids follow our "routine" is beyond me but I am apparently very attached to our little system...   Clearly, I am not going to tell him how to parent while I am gone but there are so many little details about the kids' daily life that he just has no idea about.  Additionally, the three days I am gone are actually "slow" days in terms of appointments, obligations and activities for the kids so it really should be easy peasy for him.  Truth be told, ultimately, what I am really doing is making myself feel indispensable.  I am trying to feel like my knowledge of all these little things is actually important. :)

The Note:

1) Gavin has homework to do every night including weekends, as follows:

  - One sheet from his homework packet

  - Bible verse

  - Poem memorization

  - Reading new book in green folder every day

2) Don't forget to pack lunches the night before.  Ellie likes a tangerine, edamame, half a PB&J, almond milk, cheddar bunnies and applesauce.  Gavin likes PB&J, babybel cheese, applesauce, fruit Z bar for snack, prunes and water.  You can also put a frozen yogurt tube in the morning which will still be nice and cold by lunchtime.

3) Lay out their clothes the night before.  Gavin doesn't care what you lay out.  Ellie has to pick WITH you and decide her outfit on her own.  You just direct her as to whether she can have short sleeve dress or long sleeve dress.  Her school dresses are in the upper drawer.  Don't let her wear one of her good dresses.  

4) Gavin likes cereal in the morning, Ellie likes oatmeal with dried blueberries.

5)  On Monday you can leave the house at 8:10 am because Ellie doesn't have school but on Tuesday you have to leave no later than 8:00 am because you drop off Ellie first and then Gavin.  Don't forget their jackets and lunches. 

6) PLEASE put sunscreen on them (the 60 spf stick-tube on the microwave) before you leave in the morning, very important!! (don't roll your eyes at me mister)

7)  Ellie gets picked up at 12:30 sharp on Tuesday and Gavin at 2:40pm every day.  On Mondays Sabine can usually bring him home as part of our carpool, just check in with her at drop off.   I'll be back in time for the carpool days I am responsible for.

8) Ellie has ballet near Costco on Monday at 11:40 am sharp.  If you are late she will miss the "listening" song and will never ever forgive you.  If you forget to bring her ballet AND tap shoes, she will also never ever forgive you.  Let her pick out her leotard and tutu.  Bring socks to wear with the tap shoes, no socks though with the ballet shoes.  She's picky that way.  Don't ask.   Don't forget the sweater for Nate and the book for Christy to ballet.

9) I usually hit Trader Joe's (or Costco or both) after ballet class with her before heading out to get Gavin.  I have attached a shopping list.  Don't forget to find the hidden tiki, she will get a treat.  She knows what to do.  Have fun grocery shopping with her... (maniacal laughter)

10) Gavin only gets 30 mn of Wii time on school nights and only AFTER he has done his homework.  Thirty minutes is 30 mn.  Don't relent on the inevitable "5 more minutes please???!!!"

11) Vegetables, Jay, VEGETABLES.   I will know.  The kids will rat you out.

12) Baths are good. You know, with soap and everything....

13) They each get to pick one story at bedtime.  You read the book of whomever got ready for bed the fastest first.

14) Check Gavin's backpack for notes from school every night.

15) Bedtime is 7:30 am sharp.  If you choose to disregard this bedtime, you will understand the next day why this is their bedtime.  You have been duly warned.

16) I do two loads of laundry a day, fail to do this at your own peril....

Oh yeah, and HAVE FUN! :)

Special Offer

In order to help my clients prepare for their shoot with me, I provide them with several FAQ sheets I have written which encompass everything from what to expect, my approach and philosophy as well as clothing suggestions.  I know I like to feel prepared when doing something new so I figure my clients probably do as well!  My clothing FAQ sheet is quite comprehensive, including a list of retailers I recommend because they design gorgeous clothes that photograph really well, are comfortable and work well together especially for family shoots.  Among those listed for little girl outfits is ZoZoBugBaby, a clothing line designed and custom sewn by my friend Julie.  [Another designer I love is Courtney Courtney's recycled tee dresses which you can see HERE]

Julie and I were talking (actually emailing since she and I live so far way from each other!) and I mentioned it would be a great idea to create a system that benefits everyone in my client/designer/me triangle....  We quickly came up with a plan! Julie is offering a special discount to my clients!  If you purchase an outfit from Julie to be used in a photoshoot with me, she will give you 20% off PLUS free shipping!   In exchange, I can send Julie a few choice images from our shoot together that she can use for her marketing purposes/web site etc..  I think it's a great arrangement that benefits everyone!  My clients get a great deal on the most adorable little girl dresses, which are PERFECT for Spring and Summer.  Julie gets some fantastic images to help promote her awesome designs.  And I am assured that my clients' daughters are wearing outfits that I KNOW will photograph beautifully!  

So, hop on over to Julie's Etsy site by clicking HERE and take a look at her latest original and unique creations.  ADORABLE!!!  Then just email Julie directly with your selections at zozobugbaby{at}gmail{dot}com and she will get you all taken care of.

Lastly, I will be in Louisiana for a few days for a much coveted, long lusted after  photography workshop so my blog may be neglected until early next week unless I have time to blog from there.  I can't even begin to tell you all how excited I am.  I only get to go to one workshop a year and so it's a BIG deal.  And this is one I have been dreaming about, and saving up for, for a really long time.  With my husband gone for so long and me working so hard and minimal breaks from the kids, I can't even tell you how anxious I am to get AWAY.   Of course, I know the minute I am on that plane I will be crying like a blubbering fool missing my little rugrats with all my heart.... typical!

a zozobugbaby design:

just because...

and really, is there ever a better reason to take pictures?

Today I was "trapped" at home, super sick with my third case of the flu since the beginning of the year.  And, naturally, in the company of my daughter who was so NOT sick and buzzing around me with enough frenetic energy to make my head spin, as if it weren't spinning enough on its own due to massive sinus pressure. 

I *had* to do something to diffuse the fireball that was my Ellie.  That, or my head was going to explode.  So, I told her we'd paint her toenails and fingernails.  Something we just rarely do because I am so NOT a girly girl and am not into that stuff.  Needless to say, her reaction was akin to having been told she had just won the lottery.

Followed by: "my fingernails AND my toenails?????"  I realized that I really need to just do this more often with her.  I am seriously depriving this poor child.  So, as if in some trance, she sat quietly on my lap while I ever so slowly (to drag this out...) painted one teeny tiny little nail at a time.  And then we wasted another 10 minutes just blowing on them.  Cuddling and blowing.  Cuddling, blowing and giggling.  And it was magical.

Afterwards, she was positively aglow.  No less energetic, but I had managed some precious downtime and was better able to deal with the whirlwind that she is.  I know she gets it from me.  I have never been one to sit down for more than a few seconds before getting restless.  I can't blame her for being high energy.  But all that energy disappears from me when I am one with the flu.  And, frankly, I could barely keep up with her mentally at that point, much less physically.  

I think I have finally figured out why I let her crawl into my bed every late night/early morning.  It's pretty much the only time I have with her that is NOT in perpetual motion.  It's a delicious time of quiet snuggles and gentle movements.  I caress her hair and trace her tiny features in the moonlight as she whispers, oh so quietly, "i love you mama", half asleep.  I soak it all in.  I *absorb* it so to speak.  Drunk in my love for my little one.  Who isn't quite so little anymore.  4 yrs old going on 14 it seems some days.  I do the same thing with Gavin when he is sick.  I curl up next to him in his bed, wrap my body against his, and listen to his labored breathing.  Worried, anxious, concerned.  I wonder where the time has gone and how it is possible that he can be 6 yrs old already.  I long for those early years of co-sleeping when I thought he'd never grow up, never be anything bigger than a baby, a toddler, maybe.  And now, he is a first grader who, thankfully, still welcomes my hugs and kisses.  But for how long?  I cringe.  When will he refuse my hand when we go to cross the street?  Will it be soon?  Regardless, it will be *too* soon.

When I'm sick, I am forced to slow down.  And when I am forced to slow down, I think too much.  I become far too introspective.  I ponder, I wonder, I contemplate.  Being sick is no good for me, I have decided this.  Affirmatively.   

The good news is my wonderful sister in law took the kids over to her house tonight so I could rest up before my shoot tomorrow morning.  So, I am going to bed early tonight and hoping to wake up healthy and ready to chase after 6 delightful little kids tomorrow! :)

In the meantime, some pictures taken today of Ellie, post-mommy-spa session.  A happy girl.  Reveling in the 1 on 1 attention.   These were all taken in my home office, window light, practically SOOC.  ISO 400   SS 1/200   f3.2

Here she is blowing me kisses.

then she wanted to lay down on the rug and play "funny face peekabo".

An art I have perfected of being able to simultaneously maintain focus with a wide aperture, catch a moving subject and make silly faces with my eye off the viewfinder... I know, I'm good...

She decided to mess with me and start throwing her feet up to block my shot.  NO matter.  I liked it even more.

I bid you adieu as I can now feel the Nyquil kicking in... Good night!

Totally Captivating...

This is just flat out delightful in every possible way.  Enjoy.

Self Portrait Assignment

A couple days ago, before I came down with the flu (again!!!), I decided to set up my little indoor wireless OCF softbox set up with my camera on a tripod and attempt some self portraits.  I don't have a wireless remote to trigger the shutter so I had to put the camera on self timer and run back and forth for each shot as well as manually focus which was pretty darn funny.  I felt like a moron sitting there laughing at myself all alone (kids were both in bed).  I decided to do this because I am REALLY uncomfortable in front of a camera and incredibly un-photogenic.  I look much better in person than I do captured in pictures.  My features just do not photograph well.  Because of this, I have never done self portraits.  NEVER EVER.  And really, as an artist, it was time I at least *tried*.  Here is the one shot I saved out of maybe a gizillion (ok, a million...) images taken in the span of more than an hour...  Good thing my success rate when I am BEHIND the camera rather than in front of it is much, much better than that!  I went to bed slightly depressed that I look so horrible in photos and that I was only able to get ONE picture that I liked...One where half of me is hidden!   So, either I will simply never try to do self portraits again, or I will just have to learn to accept that my place is definitely behind the camera...  That said, the one shot I got is one I really do like so that's a plus.  One is better than none, I suppose....I used a funky vintage toning on it too to match the mood.  Ultimately, it's good to create these little "assignments" to push yourself and try new things.  Without my self imposed assignments, I think I'd start feeling stale and repetitive and so it feels good to just stretch those creative wings so to speak.

My girl

To say Ellie has been challenging lately is an understatement.... She has been pushing my buttons like only she knows how to.  If I had to pick a few words to describe her this week, I'd go with: contentious, mean, stubborn, difficult, argumentative, sneaky, conniving, obstinate and controlling.  

Yeah, that's how great this past week has been and how some days are with her from the moment she wakes up til the moment she goes to bed.  I know the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree with this one and am well aware as to why we have such huge power struggles.   We are both control freaks.   Whereas Gavin is essentially a "pleaser" by nature and really just wants his mommy to be happy (overall), Ellie is bound and determined to re-establish, on a daily basis, which one of us is actually in charge.  I've read everything about how to properly manage such a strong little personality and, for the most part, I think I do a pretty good job of offering her choices to give her a sense of power and also always maintaining consistency with rules and standards of conduct.  She is NOT an easy kid to manage, not because she is wild or crazy or has out of control behavior but because she is so dang smart, manipulative and not afraid of authority in the least. The choices thing doesn't even work half the time because, as she rightfully points out, I'm the one who decided the two choices she has to pick from and so how fair is that?  Yeah...

Also, because our personalities are so similar, the battles can become quite galactic to say the least.  You also have to understand that for over a decade I was used to having grown men, as in huge parolees, obey my every command.  I am used to bossing people around, I am used to instilling fear with my voice and command presence.  I am used to, for the most part, having people follow my directions.  And, when they didn't, well, I would then just handle it with a physical solution to achieve my goal of having control of the person and situation at hand.  No one ever wanted it to get to that, but if someone wasn't going along with the program and putting other people's safety at risk, I had many tools at my disposal to gain cooperation whether they wanted to or not.   

As a parent though, being physical is obviously NOT an option.  So, here I am, used to simply using my command presence to get what I need from the bad guys and yet I can use all fierceness in the world and Ellie just stares me down and doesn't bat an eye.  The kid is fearless.  And I am just not used to having anyone, much less a little pint sized wannabe dictator, not being remotely intimidated by me.

Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like I go around throwing my weight around and bossing my kids and being all "militaristic" on them.  Not even close.   But I would tend to categorize myself as a more "strict" parent than a "lenient" one (especially in these over indulgent times) in the sense that I have absolutely established early on certain acceptable and unacceptable standards of conduct from my kids and that I am extremely consistent about enforcing our rules and making sure I raise polite, respectful, thoughtful, considerate and compassionate kids.  I don't let them talk back.  I don't let them have whatever they want.  I expect manners.  They have had chores since they were toddler.  They understand responsibility.  Mostly, I expect them to treat each other and everyone around them with respect and consideration.  These are the values I reinforce in our day to day life.   

And Ellie, naturally, knowing how important this is to me, is constantly pushing the limits.  It's just what she does best.  Gavin, on the other hand, is just a generally super compassionate kid and doesn't need many reminders as to what my expectations are.  He assumes them as his own because he likes being a good person and making good choices.  

So, after this really difficult week with Ellie where she was basically terrorizing her big brother nonstop and doing everything possible to misbehave, I was having that negative self talk where I start projecting into the future and wondering if she is going to be some kind of criminal due to her tendency to be a bully with her brother and so utterly defiant with me.  (She is, inexplicably, by the way, a perfect angel at school...)  It hasn't helped that my husband is away at training for a really LONG time and I have a full workload which makes my patience levels diminish greatly...

Now, enough background info. Let's move on to this morning.  Our morning routine is pretty streamlined.  Gavin, who is 6 yrs old, gets up and makes breakfast for himself and his sister.  He gets the bowls, the cereal, the milk, the napkins, the spoons and even doles out the gummy vitamins.  He has been doing this for a year now and it's super cute.  While he is handling breakfast, I am getting dressed.

As I am getting dressed this morning, Gavin suddenly shrieks: "ARGH! There is a HUGE spider in the kitchen, help!!"  Gavin, it should be noted, is terrified of spiders.  But he is also a huge animal lover (and vegetarian) so we have a policy of, when possible, scooping any intruders up and putting them outside rather than killing them.  The exception is mosquitoes who would eat me alive given the opportunity and to whom I show absolutely no mercy.  Now, I am halfway dressed and not ready to deal with the spider situation (I admittedly also hate spiders) so I holler down to him to "just work around the spider, I'm still getting dressed."  He whimpers back: "I can't mom, it's huge, it's gonna eat me!"  I sigh.  Heavily.  And then I hear Ellie's determined little footsteps heading towards the kitchen.  

Now, I'm quite curious to see how this is all going to go down so I go spy on all this, delighted to be an "invisible observer."   Ellie (who is, mind you, a tiny little thing compared to her super tall 6 yr old brother) goes up to him and literally escorts him out of the kitchen where he was completely "paralyzed" with fear and not moving at all.  She then reassuringly PATS HIS BACK (I kid you not) and tells him: "it's ok, Gavin, I've got this, you just go back up to your room until I am all done down here."   At this point I am nearly falling over trying to keep my laughter in.  You just have to imagine this little girl totally taking control of the situation away from her towering (but terrified) big brother.  Hilarious.  Gavin scampers away to go get dressed in his room and I continue to observe.  

Ellie then goes over and grabs her dad's biggest shoe, and starts whacking and chasing the spider.  Whack-whack-whack-whack...then a pause and a muttered "DARNIT!", and then followed by another three whack-whack-whacks, and then a very exuberant "HAHA! GOTCHA!"  She then calls out to her brother to announce that it is "safe" to come downstairs and "fix me some breakfast please, I am quite  HUNGRY."

So I walk out and pretend that I don't know what just went down and Ellie looks over at me, very nonchalant, puffs out her chest and says: "I am so brave.  I am not scared of ANYTHING!" 

And so, yeah, she's right.  She's not.  And that includes me.  And so I just need to keep working on other ways of gaining cooperation and maintaining our little hierarchy and giving her chances to shine with all that assertiveness and not squashing that independent, little force of nature that she is...all the while not letting her get away with unacceptable or undesirable conduct...  It's a fine line with that one.  A tightrope that we both walk together every single moment of every single day...  And when one of us falls off, we have our little victory dance, and then we help each other get right back up on it.   

I love my girl with all my heart.  Even if she does drive me crazy.

Ellie + Courtney Chu chicky dress + little chirpy bird clippies

Just in time for Easter, Courtney Chu is at it again, this time with an adorable chick print series of dresses.  To accompany these uber cute dresses she teamed up with Cindy's hand made hair clip creations found at Little Chirpy Bird to create a matching outfit that is absolutely delightful.

Ellie and I were shooting at that dreaded time again (seems to be the only time I can get the commercial shoots in these days) so we had to hang mostly in the shade. It was REALLY dark under all those big trees. So, I decided to play around with that new flash unit of mine and fine tune that fill flash look I have been experimenting with.  I really love how just a touch of flash from my large mounted flash unit (NOT a pop up flash!) can create that nice 3D separation that I am totally digging right now.

Another advantage to the flash is that it really helped undo the damage of being in the shade surrounded by nothing but green reflections (grass and mossy trees).  The green-ness that enveloped us was casting a YUCKY green tint all over Ellie that I would not have been able to eliminate without the assistance of the flash.  I am slowly learning to actually see the advantages of proper use of off camera/on camera flash units.  

Enough techno mumbo jumbo, onto the pictures!

close up of the little matching birdie hairclip, too cute!

now that her hair is growing out she is constantly messing with it.  pulling at it, twirling it...

I find it totally ironic that she has such sweet, girly, delicate features because she is so NOT a girly, delicate little girl!  

If you must know she is cracking up here because she not only burped (quite loudly), she followed it up with a very loud "toot" as well...  see above.

Here I am laughing and telling her she stinks and she is responding by blowing me kisses.  Yeah.  That's my girl.

All Ellie shoots, per her request, must involve a portion of time spent dancing on tables.  Yes, I am terrified of the potential hazard in permitting this habit...

It was cold and windy!

Below: My favorite shot of the day.

My second favorite shot of the day.

This next pose was all Ellie's idea.  A pretty neat one too.  

Ellie & Riley

Ellie and Riley are BFFs.  That wasn't always the case.  Riley's mom is my BFF and we found out we were (unintentionally) pregnant with our girls at the same time.  The girls ended up being born just 2 weeks apart.  Christy and I initially met as part of a mom's group when our boys were just little bitty babies and we immediately hit it off.  Sometimes you just *click* with certain people and the minute I met Christy I knew we'd be really good friends for a really long time.  I just knew.  Our boys have literally grown up together and over the past 2 years have become INSEPARABLE.  When we used to get together for playdates the boys would go off and do their thing and the girls would just stare at each other like: "I'm only here because of my brother" and "don't think I'm going to interact with you because I'm not."  At about 6 months old and we'd sit them down next to each other and they would totally ignore each other, and even smack each other at times.  There was absolutely NO LOVE.  It continued that way for a long time.  Christy and I would laugh about it, saying that it would be just too perfect anyways if WE were BFF and our boys were BFF and to expect our girls to be BFFs too was just expecting too much out of the universe.  We never forced them to like each other.  And then, one day, something changed.  They realized that "hey, you like pink? I like pink!"  and "you like princesses? I like them too!" and "you like dancing around in nothing but a froufrou tutu? ME TOO!!??" and bam, instant friendship achieved.  And ever since that day they, too, have been inseparable.  Christy and I delight in the pleasure our kids get from being together.  We schedule regular sleepovers every month to allow them some serious quality time (especially the boys since they don't get to see each other during the week).  We trade kids.  I take the boys, Christy takes the girls.  I get the sweet end of that arrangement, let me tell you.  The boys disappear into Gavin's room to play legos and I don't see them for 3 hrs!!  

For my next commercial shoot I needed two girls so who better than our girls!?  The dresses are custom designs by Julie at Zozobugbaby and the hats are hand crocheted by Jenel at Simply J Crochet.   I highly recommend you check out these two talented ladies.  You all know by now my affinity for Courtney Chu and Zozobugbaby dresses.  The hats just totally complete the look! Also, Ellie's shoes are Bugaboo Shoes, another mommy-based business I have shot for. 

The only time of day we could coordinate our schedules was 1 pm.  A HORRIBLE time to do a photoshoot.  Harsh light.  Minimal Shade.  ICK.  Plus I only had 45 mn with the girls together and then another 15 mn with Ellie alone afterwards.

Nevertheless, we managed some really fun shots and the girls had a hoot.  All my pre visualized ideas of what I wanted them to do went out the window and I had to come up with all new ideas because they had their own agenda!   Still, I had a ton of cooperation from both girls and it was a great shoot.

I just adore Riley's haircut, how cute is this kid?!

I had them sit on these steps and the light was so FLAT.  Ugh.  Boooo-oooring.  So I added a boost of directional light in a "spotlight" effect to create a much more appealing look to the images.

this next one is one of my favorite shots from the shoot:

This next one is another favorite:

the next three are so cute!

The next shot is my favorite shot of the day and it was Christy's idea!

then I had a few minutes to shoot with Ellie...

I know they are all supposed to be color shots but this one was just screaming B&W to me... don't worry Jenel, you'll have it in color!