pascale wowak photoblog

Jace

The way these clients came into my life, or me into theirs depending on your perspective, is quite serendipitous.  Our dogs met first. :)

I was walking Kooper around my neighborhood, which I happen to do twice a day because:

a) He is high needs and spoiled rotten.

b) I love where I live and love walking around my 'hood.

c) We both love our walks together.

d) It breaks up long editing sessions with some fresh air and sunshine and makes me happy.

During one of those walks Kooper very happily approached a SUPER sweet dog named Odi who is just the most adorable, gentle spirited and fantastic dog.  Kooper and Odi were enjoying getting to know each other more than just a passing sniff so I started talking to Odi's owner, Delphina, and noticed that she was expecting.  We started talking and I enjoyed her company as much as Kooper enjoyed Odi's!  Over the next few weeks we ran into each other in our neighborhood a couple more times.  At some point I think the subject of me being a photographer came up and I gave Delphina my website address.

Turns out Delphina and her partner Jen liked what they saw on my website and when baby Jace was born they gave me a call.  I was completely booked up at the time but I cleared a day off for them because I really liked Delphina and wanted to meet this little guy.  I'm so glad I did.  We had a wonderful and slightly eventful shoot and I know I was meant to be the one doing this shoot for them.

Jace wins the award for BEST NEWBORN HAIR AND DIMPLES EVER.  And I've been doing this a LONG time.  So, that's saying something.  He was just the cutest, most alert, aware, awesome little dude on the planet.  I fell in love with Jace right off the bat and absolutely adored both his mommies as well.  They are a wonderful trio.   

The whole time I was editing these images I kept thinking the same thing over and over again, like the chorus in a song: "Ain't love grand?!"   You just gotta love LOVE, you know?  It's a beautiful thing.

Delphina & Jen,  CONGRATS on your sweet boy's arrival into the world.  I can't wait to watch him grow up in your loving care and tender embrace.  ENOY the ride!  :)

Love Letters

Just before Valentine's Day, my dear friend Kathy Besser (author of the lovely parenting book Dirt & Sunshine) posted a link on her Facebook about a mom who was going to write love letters to her kids for Valentine's.  I adored the idea and sat down that night to compose my own little love letters to my kids.  I ended up writing them each a love letter that was several pages long.  I penned at length about every little thing I just love about them, from how Gavin gets completely lost in his books for hours on end and is always looking out for the underdog to how Ellie is constantly singing or humming throughout the day and how gifted an artist she is.  I spoke of every little quirk, habit, strength, skill, trait and/or gift that they possessed which I had quietly observed and noted over the years.  It all came rushing into my head and my heart as I wrote and I wrote and then I wrote some more.

The kids love letters were unceremoniously waiting for them at the breakfast table the next morning, with little fanfare as I made no mention of them and went about my business in what is usually the most chaotic and hectic time of the day.  Yet, despite the lack of focus on the letters, their eyes lit up as they sat, quietly and in complete stillness, without bickering... for ONCE, and each read their respective letters.  Without having to say a word, I could immediately tell the impact those letters were having on them.  My goal of letting them know how special they were to me, and to the world at large, as individual beings with their own special and unique talents and traits, was accomplished.   I felt good about helping THEM feel good about themselves.  I could tell they appreciated knowing that I really KNEW them.  That I SAW them for who they really are, underneath the layers of annoying bickering and hormonal back talk that we've been dealing with lately.  That I recognized in them everything that makes them who they are.  I could tangibly see the effects my written words were having on them.  And it helped me feel minutely better about the fact that the night before we had had a really rough night where my spoken words were not quite so kind or sweet or gentle or supportive.  

I worry endlessly that I am doing this ALL WRONG.  Being a mom, in an of itself, is hard.  Being a working mom adds another level of complexity to the task.  Being a single working mom is a whole other level of functioning.  Or NOT functioning, depending on the moment.   Not a day goes by that I don't lose my temper from the exhaustion of trying to juggle three million things and attend to everyone's different needs and keep the fridge stocked, the laundry laundered, the house clean, the meals made, the dishes done, the work accomplished, the clients happy, the dog walked, the kids ALIVE.... Yeah.  Alive.  That's the most I seem to be able to strive for some days.  I just need to keep them alive.  It's my mantra.  And, so far, I've (thankfully!) managed to do that.  But not without tremendous guilt about how I'm not doing quite nearly as good a job of raising them as I had hoped for when I brought them into this world.  I had big dreams and aspirations when I had these kiddos 8 and 10 years ago.  We were going to do huge all consuming art projects every day (we do lots of art but it's not to the degree I intended), bake cookies just because (I can't even get my act together to bake cookies for school bake sales these days), play family games every night (if I can manage once a week I'm thrilled), NEVER let them watch TV or play electronics (Bwahahahahahahahahha), and never, ever, ever yell at them.  Sigh.  Not a day goes by that I don't end up yelling, or talking through very very very gritted teeth and a slightly homicidal look on my face.  

I know part of the incessant sibling bickering is the fact that they share a tiny room in a tiny house.  And part of it is because of huge life transitions they've had to face the past year and a half.  And part of it is just LIFE and that's what siblings do.  But, admittedly, it drives me completely batty and brings out the worst in me.  I don't manage it nearly as well as I should.  And I get frustrated that everything I am doing, how hard I am working, the sacrifices I am making, the constant efforts I am putting forth to do the best job possible of raising my kids is just all in vain when the result of all that hard work is two kids who bicker and fight and give me attitude.   It makes me question if they are even NOTICING everything I am working so hard for and doing FOR THEM.  Everything I am nearly killing myself to manage, FOR THEM.  I know they are just little kids and my expectations for how much they can actually understand and appreciate are not unreasonable.  I just wish for, perhaps, a smidge of gratitude for the multitude of sacrifies I make on a daily basis.  And when that doesn't happen and I get incessant whining and complaining and woe-is-me, it pretty much triggers some BIG personal buttons, to say the least.

But none of that was in my head when I was writing them their love letters.  I just spoke from my heart and let the sentences unravel in the most organic and raw way possible.  I let it all flow from a place of deep love and appreciation for my kids.  For everything that makes them unique.  I knew they'd benefit greatly from this little project.  What I didn't know is that I would too.  Because last night, when I picked the kids up from their dad's house after spending a few days with him, Ellie handed me a love note she had written to me while she was there.  A cut out heart with a message and drawing on the front.  A drawing that makes my heart melt EVERY time I look at it.  And words that make it perfectly clear that YES, they notice.  YES, they see me in the same way that I see them.  That they are also keen observers and although they may not always be capable of showing appreciation or gratitude, they have it inside of them.  And her written words in response to my written words were magical and meaningful in ways I cannot even adequately express yet.  I'm still absorbing them.  Letting them roll around in my head and make their way through my heart.  

So, all this to say, mamas out there wondering if your kids "get it", questioning if they even NOTICE all that you do for them.... proof.  They do.  

If you can't read her love note, here it is transcribed:

"YOU ARE THE BEST MOM!   Mom, I love you. for everything. I love the way we dance and sing together. I love the way that you have a good spirit, and how you make everything hapen (sic) for us.  I love the way that you fill are (sic) house full of art.  And you how really care for me.  I (heart) you.  Thank you for everything. I couldn't do it without you."

Never underestimate the power of the written word. And a little art. :)

Avery, Quinn & baby Morgan!

You all probably remember the super fun pregnancy shoot I did just a few weeks ago for this beloved family!  Well, baby Morgan just made her appearance into the world and she could not possibly have been welcomed into a more loving and happy family!  They are as lucky to have her as she is to have them!  Avery is being such an AMAZING oldest sister and little Quinn is adjusting to her new role as "no longer the baby" quite well!  Mom and Dad, as always, are handling all the adjustments and lack of sleep with grace and humor.  I just love them so much!   The shoot was very "fly by the seat of your pants" because it seemed every time we were  gearing up for a specific shot, something caused us to re-arrange, switch gears, change things up.  We just went with the flow.  As I was setting up the backdrop Quinn and Avery were playing on the cushions so I grabbed some cute shots even though I wasn't done setting things up.  Cuteness waits for no one. :)

Later, as we were trying to get a very specific hands shot that we get with every new addition, Quinn was insistant on being behind rather than in front, it led to some really cute shots and I was rewarded for not hampering the unfolding of the events.  I also want to remind other photographers that while you are focusing your attention on a certain shot (ie: here I was shooting dad & baby Morgan), I always keep an eye on what else is going on behind or around me, and was able to capture a great shot of Avery.  Don't get locked into tunnel vision.  Keep observing all around you!  

Newborn shoots are notoriously challenging with siblings involved but this shoot was fun and everyone was working so well together.  Carly and Kevin, after three times of doing this together, I think we are just a well oiled machine at this point!!!  Love you all SO MUCH!  CONGRATULATIONS!!!!  *smooches*

ENJOY your sneak peek!  Just a few favorites, plenty more to come... :)

Anna & Alex

While staying up in Seattle this past weekend, I got to spend lots of quality time with my dear friend Amy.  Amy is one of those remarkable women who is just a "steady as she goes" kind of person.  On the one side, she is a solid, dependable, reliable, level headed and straight-forward gal.  One the other side she is incredibly funny, playful, creative, artistic, fun loving, and an absolute joy to be around.  Amy is a pragmatic straight shooter which is something I absolutely love and admire about her.  She's also the most generous, kind, compassionate and thoughtful person you will ever meet.  A devoted mother who is practically single handedly raising her two beautiful daughters while her fabulous husband is gone 6 months at a time on tours in Afghanistan.  This gal does it all and she does it well.

 Amy has been a rock for me over the past 2 years offering emotional and tangible support as I navigated a most challenging transition in my life.  I could always turn to her and know she would give me well thought out and practical advice.  When I was planning this trip I was super excited that I would be able to get images of her and her daughters to send to her husband and put on her walls.  Little did we know that her husband was planning a surprise trip and showed up just a little over a week ago for his 3 week stint back home. The timing could not possibly have been better!  I was able to capture images of all FOUR of them together, a very very very special moment in time for them.  The day was dark and gloomy but the mood was not, and everyone had glowing smiles!  You'll see that Amy has a thousand-watt smile that could light the universe!  Her girls, Anna & Alex, are two of the cutest, sweetest little bugs on the planet and I just completely fell in love with them.  I so enjoyed watching the special relationship they have with their dad even though they don't get to see him as often, it's clear how near and dear he is to their hearts.

 We did most of the shoot indoors at their home because it was just so cold and dreary outside but did venture out for a few minutes around their neighborhood before realizing that the girls were not feeling the outdoors.  By then, two hours in, they were done with the shoot but we still managed to grab some family shots on the couch.  I had to do some creative lighting techniques because there wasn't enough ambient light and using flash would have cast shadows on the wall behind them due to the proximity so I played around with a technique I developed a while back.  It worked well enough!   I'll be coming back up to the area in April for another shoot with another friend who lives up there and I am so excited to capture her family too!

 After our shoot we drove into Seattle to help Jayme get all set up for her fashion show and then had a rocking time there.  The next day Amy & James showed me and my James around Seattle for the speedy gonzalez tour in the 3 hours we had before needing to head to the airport!  It was just a truly amazing and wonderful weekend!!!  Amy & James, thank you for being such amazing hosts! I hope you  love your sneak peek!  Your girls were beyond adorable!  Love you and your family so very very very much!!! xoxoxoxoxoxox

Seattle Edition!

I was able to go on a whirlwind 36 hr trip up to Seattle to show my support for my dear friend Jayme (the brilliant designer behind Lillipops) as she launched her new womenswear line of clothes called Bittersweet.  She was debuting the line at the big RAW SEATTLE show as a featured designer amongst several other artists.  Seattle brings together and hand selects a few cutting edge, up and coming artists (including designers, photographers, stylists, hair & makeup folks etc...) and gives them this venue as an opportunity to share and showcase their art.  The venue was amazing and the event was a BLAST!  I had the added joy of being able to show my support for her not only by being there to cheer her on and help her set up her booth but also by being one of her 4 models to walk the runway in one of her new designs!  It was SO MUCH FUN!  I was, by far, the oldest "model" there and having never done anything like this before I can't say I wasn't a wee bit nervous just before walking down that runway but I was surrounded by three other lovely women for Jayme's line, two of them moms just like me who had never done anything like this either.  We all had a blast and it was a really fun, intimate way to be able to show my love and support for Jayme.  I'm telling you folks, the girl has MAD SKILLS and is going to go FAR in the designer world as she segues into this new arena.  Some of you may know her as the gal who designs nearly all of Ellie's most gorgeous outfits.  Ellie has been modeling her kid designs for years.  Ellie loves her stuff so much and now I can unequivocally state how much I love her womenswear as well!  Her four looks were incredibly stylish, comfortable, wearable, but also edgy and cool and cut in such a way as to look great on every woman's body.  She is just SO good at what she does!!!

There were two other extra bonuses to this whirlwind trip to Seattle as well.  One is that my sweet & sexy guy was able to come with me, which was just beyond delightful and fun.  The other is that I was able to stay with my super cool, awesome, fantastic friend Amy and her wonderful family.  I will tell you all more about Amy in my next post when I share the images I took of her and her beautiful family Saturday morning before we headed into the city for the big event and then we stayed out partying until well past midnight, which, hello, I'm a 40 yr old single working mom, that's not a usual Saturday night for me folks!  Yes, Saturday was a LONG (BUT SUPER FUN!) day!!! SO, more about Amy tomorrow since I am still working on those images but for now I just wanted to share a few iphone pics from the 3 hrs we were able to spend sightseeing in Seattle on Sunday before flying home!  We packed as much into those three hours as possible and it really helped having Amy and her husband James as our tour guides!  They were so much fun to hang out with! LOVE THEM!!!

I really like Seattle a lot.  It's definitely a place I want to come back to.  I have some wonderful friends who live here (hi Jayme, Amy, Lija and Judi!) including some new friends I made on this trip (Julianne, Elise and Genesis!) and I'd love to come back up.  

Here's a handful of iphone pics I snapped and then a birds eye view video of Jayme's portion of the fashion show taken on a point and shoot by my man.  It's rough footage but you can see a bit of the outfits!  Jayme has a better video that Lija took so I will try to get that uploaded if I get permission to use it!  In the meantime, ENJOY the images and video!!!  

Side note: there is a Starbucks (if not TWO) on EVERY SINGLE BLOCK in downtown Seattle.  It's INSANE!!!  This is the ORIGINAL one photographed above.

 Amy took this picture of us and I converted it to a grainy B&W, which I love!  It's one of the ONLY shots we have of each other together and I just love it! Thank you, Amy!

 

RAW SEATTLE BITTER SWEET from pascale wowak on Vimeo.

Avery, Quinn &....?

I have been making magic with this wonderful family since very soon after I launched my photography business.  I have been able to photograph each of their (now three!) pregnancies and it's been such great fun!  They are a goofy, active and energetic bunch.  I always know that our shoots will be full of laughing, running, playing, and definitely have a dance party of some sort thrown in at some point.  I love so many things about this family but what I love most is their deep appreciation for LIFE. And LOVE.  And TOGETHERNESS.  They truly understand what's important in life and don't fret the small stuff.  They focus on their priorities and their priorities are each other.  There is a solid foundation of love and respect upon which the entire family has been built and they've never lost their sense of humor and goofiness along the way despite how exhausting it is to have two littles and jobs to juggle and all that comes with life in general.  If anyone can handle, with grace and humor, three kids 5 and under it's Kevin and Carly.   When we were walking down from the parking lot and I was commenting on how gorgeous the light was, Kevin turned to me with the biggest smile and proclaimed: "I'm just happy to be alive!"  And that pretty much encapsulates their constant, ever present joy.  They are just HAPPY.  Through and through.  Happy and playful and light hearted and loving and compassionate.   There is a gentleness about them that is just so utterly palpable.  It's always such a joy to be around them and be able to participate in the goofiness and encourage the displays of their inherently playful nature.  Engaging with each other and connecting is their "happy place", this is what they focus on.  You can just sense that they don't get swallowed up by the nitty gritty details that bog so many of us down.  Their sense of persepctive is firmly in place.  Their commitment to each other is unwavering.  I see them as a model of how I want to live my life and the kind of relationships I strive for.  With my kids and with all my other relationships in my life.  They are just truly fantastic people and it's an honor & delight to have them as clients and friends.

Carly & Kevin, here is your sneak peek with just a few favorites of mine.  I cannot wait to meet your new addition, find out his/her name and see you all as your newly expanded family unit! ENJOY the sneak peek!

My Trio

A couple weeks ago I did a commercial shoot for my friend Joy's FRECKLETREE knitted wonders, which you can see HERE.   Ellie modeled and Gavin had light/reflector duty.  Immediately after the shoot I decided to grab the last slivers of light and quickly shoot my two kiddos and our dog Kooper.  I am SO BAD about taking pictures of my own kids.  I'm the ONLY parent at school field trips, events, plays, class parties etc... without a big ole camera.  I'm pathetically sitting there snapping one or two shots on my iphone while everyone else is properly documenting the event with an ACTUAL camera.  It's pretty unacceptable to begin with, but even moreso considering that professional photography is...oh..I dunno....  MY JOB.... Sigh.   Isn't there some old saying about how the cobbler's kids never have shoes or something like that...  :)

Anywhoooo, I was feeling guilty and did a quick 10 mn mini shoot with my kids to remind myself that they were, afer all, the inspiration behind me dusting off my old 35mm film camera in the first place.  A camera that had accompanied me on so many trips around Europe and enough crime scenes to last anyone a lifetime.... (In case that sounded weird to anyone who doesn't know my background, I was a crime scene photographer many moons ago)

Here's just a few favorites from our post-commercial shoot mini personal shoot.  My kids are totally wacky and goofy.  And I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.  And even though Ellie drives Gavin WACKADOO almost every single day, he loves her to pieces and would do anything to protect her.  She makes him laugh so hard sometimes that he will clench his stomach and beg her to stop.   And Kooper.  Kooper is the world's best dog.  Truly.  He just is.  And he loves giving Gavin nonstop kisses and he's scared to death of Ellie, who rules the roost in his world so she's usually his handler when we are out and about because he OBEYS her.  I'm sure there's a small country out there waiting for her to become its dictator.... Just kidding! Sort of...   :)

I love my kiddos so very much and I'm going to bookmark this post so that the next time I'm ready to threaten to sell them to the lowest bidder on EBAY, I will pull this up and REMEMBER how fantastic they can be.  We make a great little team.  They've been through SO much the past year and a half and I'm so very very very proud of them for overcoming some massive transitions and dramatic changes in their lives.  They are little rockstars.  I *heart* them.

Rama

When I was contacted by Marci to photograph her, her husband and her 6 month old Rhodesian Ridgeback puppy, I could not possibly have been more excited.  I may have squealed.  Internally, of course.  So as to not scare her.  That being said, it's a well known fact, as a fellow owner of a Rhodesian Ridgeback, that I am quite fanatical about them.  In a bad, bad way.   Those dogs just have a way of bonding with their owners in a sort of magical way.  My boyfriend likes to tease me that there must be some kind of super secret Rhodesian Ridgeback Owner Cult of some sort because anytime I am out and about with my Kooper and run into any other current or former owner of a ridgeback, it is sort of like we do actually belong to a super secret group.  There's an unspoken language of "Oh My God, Aren't They The Best Dogs On The Planet?!?!?!"    So, needless to say, I couldn't have been more excited for this shoot.  Marci and Jeff's Ridgeback, Rama, reminded me so much of my Koop.  Very playful, sweet disposition, loverboy, friendly and eager to please.  A wonderful RR boy with a fantastic personality.  Oh yeah, Marci & Jeff were quite delightful too! LOL! :)

We enjoyed a wonderful beach romp and finished it off with one of the prettiest sunsets I have seen in a while.  Just absolutely gorgeous weather, light and subjects.  I was in Photographer Hog Heaven.   A fabulous and very enjoyeable shoot.  I'm really looking forward to getting Rama and Koop together for a doggie playdate! 

Marci & Jeff, thank you for a fun evening!  Rama is a really awesome pup!  ENJOY YOUR SNEAK PEEK!  

Norah, Leah & Caleb

For full disclosure I should mention that Amanda is a friend of mine so my affinity for her family is not purely professional... But, if you knew them you'd love them too!!!  They're a wild and crazy bunch and just because I love to torture myself I suggested they bring their "slightly" overweight (he didn't used to be, some adorable baby *cough Caleb cough* has been feeding him food from his high chair the past four months) and somewhat not really trained dog to the shoot, just to add a little more spice to the day.... lol!  Listen, I love chaos.  I love kids.  I love babies. I love dogs.  Yes, it was pandemonium and yet I was still in my happy place.  Besides, how often do you get to hear a dog who sounds like a sea lion everytime he sees another dog walk by him?  Incredibly entertaining!  Amanda is the kind of mom I try to be.  That perfect balance of caring *deeply* for her children and wanting to raise them to be amazing human beings coupled with just enough chill factor that she's never wound up over the little things and yet is totally able to be firm and fair with her kids. She doesn't sweat the small stuff but she's totally on top of the important things.   She's got this mothering thing down.    I probably won't have any of this figured out until I'm a grandmother so I'm just kinda banking on the fact that I will be the worlds best grandma and my traumatized and ruined children will forgive me for screwing them up only because I am making up for it with my mad grandparenting skills.... that's kinda my game plan at this point... :)

I just really enjoy this family.  They know how to have fun and live life.  They've got a GREAT sense of humor.  They are playful and carefree and you just sense that they appreciate life, and that's an incredible gift you give your kids, you know?  Plus, HELLO PHOTOGENIC MUCH?!  Gah. Dimples, freckes, baby squishableness.... I was in heaven.   Amanda & Andy, here's your sneak peek, so glad we got a BEAUTIFUL day for this!  Love you guys!!!

Freckletree

My supercalifragilistic friend Joy is the brilliant creative spirit behind Freckletree's handcrafted hats and knit owls.  We are the lucky owners of three of her adorable little owls and one of her ridiculously cute hats which Ellie has proclaimed never to take off ever again.  She practically wore it to bed tonight!  We did a shoot featuring some of her fabulous hand creations today after school.  Ellie was the model and Gavin handled the lighting.  She, as always, was absolute perfection doing her thing.  Gavin did a remarkable job with the lighting with minimal instruction from me.  He just totally understood what I needed from him.  At one point he was messing up the light and I turned to him to ask him what was going on and he was squirming/wiggling around saying "I NEED TO GO PEE!"  So, once we took care of that little setback he was right back on point!  Gotta love kid assistants!  :)

So, this shoot was a family affair for sure and loads of fun for all three of us.  Ellie had her favorite music playing on my iphone and just got into her little groove.   You can check out all of Joy's awesomesauce items on her website HERE.

Joy is also an amazing woman, mother of twins and a fellow dancing queen and music freak like me.  I'm actually going to be seeing her very soon and can't wait to spend some quality time on the dancefloor with that girl.  We gonna bust a move! :)

Joy, thanks for sharing your amazing creations with us, we love them so much and are thrilled to showcase them here!  ENJOY the sneak peek!

The M&M families

I've been photographing these two families together, doing essentially three shoots at the same time, each family individually, both families together and also the cousins all individually, within their respective family unit and all the cousins together, for YEARS.  It's a December tradition for all of us! These gorgeous girls are sisters and grandma (their mom) gifts them this combined shoot as their Christmas gift each year.  Of course, she gets great images of her most favorite people out of it too so EVERYBODY is happy!  Best gift ever, hands down!  Here is a quick sneak peek of just a few favorites out of a gizillion images.  I don't offer these combined shoots anymore, they're entirely too much work, but I do it for these guys because I love them with all my heart.  The boys are super sweet and everyone works so well together that we are a well oiled machine. :)

At the very end I was treated to the oldest cousin (AJ) doing an impromptu dubstep dance routine for me.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am a HUGE fan of dancing in all its forms and I was BLOWN AWAY by this boy's MAD skills.  Seriously, he is gifted and FEELS the music.  I was beyond impressed and there's no doubt in my mind that I will be able to say one day: "I knew him when he was but a wee lad and I was the one who photographed him growing up!"  :)

This was my last shoot of the year so I want to take a moment to heartily wish everyone a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Enjoy the sneak peek grandma. :)

 

Ryan & his parents

A couple months ago I had a family shoot scheduled with this beautiful family and on the day of the shoot, Ed couldn't make it due to a work emergency.  Noha & Ryan continued on with the shoot and I got amazing shots of Ryan (incredibly photogenic boy that he is) and his mom but we added an extra "mini shoot" to the schedule in order to make sure we could get some real FAMILY photos of all three of them together before the Holidays!  We squeezed this shoot into a very busy week but we were so grateful it worked out and the weather could not have been more gorgeous that day either!  We lucked out considering how much rain we've been getting!  Ryan is a very active, squirmy, lively little boy and it's always fun figuring out how best to wrangle him!  I think we did a good job of letting him be himself, move around & explore but also getting the shots we needed!  Here are some shots from our quick session!

The W. Family

It was such a delight photographing this family whom I've known for several years but never had the opportunity to photograph until now.  My son Gavin has been in the same class as Christian for ages as they both attend the same small school.  They're good friends and love to hang out together.  I knew going in that this shoot would be a breeze because: 1) Andrew and Christian are incredibly good looking boys and 2) They are also incredibly well mannered and polite.   Throw in two photogenic, sweet, loving parents and it's a recipe for a fantastic shoot! And that's exactly what transpired.  We had insanely gorgeous weather and the boys were total sweethearts.  The deep, palpable, quietly strong love between Kerry and Jim really moved me.  There was such genuine tenderness, love and respect between them.  The way they looked at each other and held each other.  Such an ease and comfort, signs of a couple who have been together forever and whose love only gets stronger with every passing year.  Those two boys are so lucky to have that in their life, it's a great role model for them of what marriage should look and feel like.  I remember telling Kerry afterwards how special that was and how privileged I felt that they were comfortable enough around me to be their true, authentic selves.   I really enjoyed my time with this lovely family and I hope they love the results!  Kerry & Jim, it was an absolute pleasure!  ENJOY your sneak peek, I'll bring your package to school pick up this afternoon!  Sure is handy living so close to your clients! :)

 

Kenzi & Bodi

My last shoot with this family yielded one of my all time favorite sibling shots and I always look forward to the new locations all over the Bay Area that we get to play at when I'm photographing this adventurous family, from the Asian Art Museum in SF all the way down to the Monterey Bay Aquarium.  We've explored so many fun places!  We lucked out on the Aquarium shoot because we got there on a Monday morning before the crowds, on a sunny day, after a weekend of rain.  So, we were able to really maximize the spaces available to us and let the light dictate our shooting breaks.   Elisa did a MARVELOUS job picking out some really fun, classy outfits. She dressed Kenzi & Bodi with a "star" theme without it being overly matchy-matchy or Holiday-overloady.  I also love that Kenzi and her mom were wearing the same black sparkly TOMS shoes!  We got a ton of great shots so I struggled to narrow it down for the blog sneak peek, but here are a few favorites.  Great seeing you all Elisa & Peter! MUCH LOVE!

Living authentically sounds so easy.

Over the past week I've had a bit of what I suppose could best be described as an existential crisis. In retrospect though, I'm not entirely sure that's the best way to describe the whole process.  It was perhaps more of a battle between a fully justified knee-jerk panicking session and a reasonable, deep, introspective analysis.

 Last minute cancellations (for non emergencies) throw me into a bit of a tizzy.  Besides being incredibly frustrating (that slot could have gone to someone else), they are a logistical and budgetary nightmare for me.  I intentionally schedule only 1-2 shoots a week in order to give my clients my FULL attention and guarantee my ridiculously speedy turnaround in addition to the immense volume of quality, fully edited images they will receive.  My system, when not thwarted, runs as efficiently as the snazziest well oiled machine.  I have very happy and appreciative clients, I can manage my workload, I am able to blog sneak peeks of each shoot within days and give my clients their package within the week AND I don't get burned out so I stay inspired and excited for every shoot.  The cancellations throw a wrench in everything.  Mostly they result in my weekly budget, the one I depend upon to support my two children as a single working mom, being completely decimated.  It's scary being self employed and running your own business.  I think most folks only see, or want to see, the glamorous side of photography.  They want to perceive it as this fun and easy "hobby" that brings in money while you get to have fun doing something you're passionate about.   No one really understands the behind-the-scenes work and expense of running your own full time photography business.  They don't want to hear about the equipment insurance fees, the constant (and expensive) software updates, the maintenance of all that equipment, the PPA dues and membership fees, the lack of health insurance, retirement or any other kind of benefit, the lack of a consistent and reliable salary....  I imagine that if this were just a hobby and I wasn't wholly reliant on my photography business to support my kids then I'd be more inclined to just focus on the "fun" aspects too.  But, I've got far more at stake here.  I never know from month to month what the bottom line is going to be.  I'm at the whim of last minute cancellations, some due to uncontrollable factors such as weather or client emergencies/health issues, and others far less justifiable.    This sometimes leaves me, as a single mother and business owner, in a precarious place.  Yes, I try to collect a small deposit from new clients but I would feel like a douchebag collecting deposits from long time clients whom I've photographed every year over the past 8 years and MOST of my clients are return clients who come to me year after year.  And trying to collect a cancellation fee is like pulling teeth and rarely works out.  Trust me on this.

 Naturally, I realize that everyone who is self employed and working in a service oriented field suffers the same way when someone cancels.  I'm sure my friends who are hairdressers, masseuses, estheticians (etc...)  experience this as well.  I suppose my side note plea in this message is to remind everyone to please have more regard for all of us who are self employed and running a business.  Especially those of us who are single mamas out there doing it on our own.

But I digress.  This latest last minute (less than 24 hrs) cancellation was problematic for me.  This, in turn, made me question my decision to keep pursuing photography as a career, after doing it for the past 8 years.  Especially now that I've been a single mom for just over a year.  I am a proud member of the Stability Fan Club.  I've always sought out careers and living situations that provided me with a stable and secure environment.  In my younger days, I balanced that need for financial security with a career in a job that was ALL about unpredictability and excitement.  It was how I could have my cake and eat it too.  I was a big adrenaline junkie back then but still deeply rooted in a desire for personal and financial stability/independence.  Things have changed over the past 20 years.  I now worry that by choosing to stay in this photography career, one that is fraught with uncertainty, during a depressed economy, in an overly saturated market, with no reliable or predictable income, no benefits/retirement of any sort, that I am making a very selfish and irresponsible decision with regard to my children.  Yes, I have managed to have a relatively successful and sustainable business the past 8 years, due almost exclusively to amazing client loyalty since marketing and "selling" myself is not my forte, but I've never "made it big."  Before, my income was merely supplemental to allow for "extras" in our family.  Now, I am wholly dependent on it.  And that completely changes the dynamic. It certainly adds more pressure.  Mostly, it makes me really question my decision to keep plugging away doing what I love.  Because love and passion do not put food on the table.  And when you're a mom, that's the bottom line.  

 Is believing in myself and my art the "right" thing to do with regard to my children's well being.   Should I turn my back on my art in exchange for finding a "normal" job with a "normal" schedule and a "reliable" paycheck every two weeks?  Would the benefits of that paycheck outweigh the flexibility I now have to pick my kids up from school every day and attend their school functions all the while still putting in a solid 40 hr workweek, much of it accomplished during the wee hours of the night when they are happily ensconced in the sanctity of their bed oblivious to the fact that their mom puts in another 4 hrs of editing work every night after putting them to bed?   Would losing that precious time with them and that flexibility of schedule be worth it?  I have asked myself this question countless times over the past year as I've struggled off and on during slower times of the year.   My work is very seasonal.  I live in a town where 1 out of every 5 people seems to be a photographer.  Not to mention during a time where disposable income for the service I provide is at an all time low and everyone wants a discount/Groupon deal (which I categorically refuse to do).    I can believe in myself all I want, but facts are facts and these facts make me panicky.   I know I'm *damn* good at what I do.  I know that I have a very special talent, and that this talent has less to do with my well honed photography skills and far more to do with how I interact with my clients, how I engage the children I photograph and how I can make any woman feel and look like the amazing goddess that she is.  I know this.  I know what I am capable of, what kind of work I produce and the professionalism that I extend at all times while running and operating this business.   And yet, self doubt surreptitiously weaves its way into my psyche.  How can I compete with all these newbies during a time when the only thing most people care about is how much it's going to cost them?  After all, I can certainly relate and completely understand, because as much as I value photography more than anyone else on this planet, I haven't hired a professional to shoot my own family because it's not in my budget.  So, I get it.  I understand this all too well.

 Which, naturally, brings me right back to questioning the wisdom of staying on course with this passion of mine while also being responsible for two little beings, three if you count my very needy and equally expensive dog, which is only fair considering he outweighs my daughter two to one.  Ultimately, I want to do right by my kids.  But I also want to do right by me.   I spent ten years in an unhappy marriage solely because I couldn't fathom putting my kids through a divorce.  I sacrificed my personal happiness out of fear of damaging my kids, fear of the unknown, fear of what would happen to us, fear of the trauma/chaos that would ensue if I left.  I did this until things became so unbearably bad that I realized I was causing them more harm by staying than leaving.   As expected, the process of divorce has been utterly traumatic and horrid, but it has also been a beautiful awakening for all three of us.  I have never felt more free to live authentically.  I have never felt more courageous and strong and capable.  I have never seen my kids more peaceful and joyful than when the three of us are together.  Whatever I have been doing the past year has been working.  We've emerged better, stronger, healthier.   But finances have been shaky and that's just not something I'm used to.  I was hired as a police officer at the tender age of 21 and was quickly making a good, solid living with excellent benefits.  I've always made sound financial decisions and have been able to enjoy a very good life.  Not extravagant but GOOD.  Little setbacks like needing new tires would never be a source of stress or anxiety.  I could always cover what I needed to cover and also have enough left over to "play/travel".

 Things are very different now.  We live quite frugally.  Money now features very strongly in my decision making.  In fact, it pretty much dictates ALL my decision making.  Money fears were starting to convince me that it was time for me to re invent myself once more and leave behind my era of being a professional photographer.  That I needed to once again be miserable and unhappy this time in some dead end job (rather than a dead end marriage) in order to be a responsible provider for my kids.  I'm not a flighty person.  I'm about as grounded as they come and a very long term thinker.  I always like having a plan A, a plan B and even a plan C.   I have often times felt that my sense of responsibility and my commitments to others has prevented me from fully spreading my wings.  I've been held back by my intense sense of responsibility and my strict adherence to my motto of always "doing the right/safe thing".  The thing is, I don't really KNOW what the right thing is right now.  I've been conflicted about it for the past year as I've stumbled, rather clumsily at times, through a difficult (oxymoron?) divorce and the process of establishing a new life and new routine with my kiddos.   We've managed fairly well, all things considered, and I'm so proud of us.  But I have never quite been able to shut off that nagging and critical and fearful voice inside of me that keeps telling me I need to give up my photography and just "find stability" in a dependable career.  The noise reached a fever pitch this past week and became  distressing to the point that I was researching job options and feeling a very heavy heart as I imagined my happiness, which had just broken free and learned how to soar, shackled once more by my sense of obligation and fear.

  It took some deep reflection and a certain video to snap me out of it.  A friend of mine also shared with me a saying her grandma used to tell her about money.  "Money is money.  Either you have it, or you don't."  And, it really is that simple.  I may not have much money right now but I do have MUCH happiness.  And that's priceless.  And I don't want to go back to being held back by fear of the unknown.  That ruled my life for far too long.  I used to be fearless, many moons ago.  I am rediscovering that side of me.  I'm not about to put shackles on my happiness again.   The kids and I are getting by and making due.  It's working out and I'll continue to do everything I need to do to realize my dreams and pursue my passion.  All the while being a responsible mother and provider.   There's too much fire in me to blow out that candle quite yet.  When it's all said and done, I think it's critically important for me to role model for my kids how important it is to do what you love and love what you do, to stay true to your heart's desires, to follow your passions whatever they may be and to value the happiness and joy you get from forging your own path and designing your own life.  Money is just money.  As long as I can keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, everything else will continue to fall into place.  And we will continue to be happy and filled with the lightness of a family who appreciates what they have in life and, most of all, appreciates who they get to spend it with.

 

Mateo

I first photographed this gorgeous boy and his awesome parents several years ago when he was but a wee little boy with the most amazing, soulful eyes and incredible mass of curly thick hair.  I remember being charmed beyond words by his sweet disposition and tender heart.   Seeing him again, after a few years, just blew me away.  He's just as sweet and gorgeous as ever but has blossomed into a polite, playful and utterly delightful young boy.  His parents have done such a remarkable job raising their son.  I had a truly wonderful time hanging out with them, just three days post surgery, and worried that I would be low-energy for them but was completely energized by their love and joy!  The shoot had been rescheduled about a billion times for a myriad of reasons so I think we were all just so happy that it was actually happening!! LOL!

Rick & Kris, thanks for a lovely afternoon hanging out with the three of you!  ENJOY your sneak peek! xoxox

 

Refuse To Sink

As I gingerly sit in my bed, the day after Thanksgiving, recuperating from a surgery that resulted in me parting ways with a very large fibroid that had been inhabiting my (very) personal space, causing me immeasurable pain over the past 6 months, I am able to have that precious and extremely rare "quiet time" to reflect upon my life.  My children are currently under the loving care of my mother who very graciously took them for Thanksgiving (and an additional two days after that) so that I could focus on resting and letting my body heal.  For this, I am incredibly grateful.  I'm also in the wonderful hands of a loving and attentive man who is sweetly cooking my meals and walking my dog and tenderly scolding me every time I try to do something silly like get up and vacuum my house... Let's just say that sitting still is not in my repertoire and something I have never been especially good at.    It's actually nearly physically painful for me to sit on a couch doing nothing.  I start to twitch.  I am more of a constantly on-the-go kind of person, full of energy and with a never ending "to do" list.  I don't "do" sitting still.   But, unless I want to tear my internal stitches and end up back in the hospital, it behooves me to obey the doctor's orders and just acquiesce to these few days of bedrest and make the most of them.

This unusual and somewhat awkward downtime has resulted in me reflecting on the past 14 months, thinking about what lies ahead and trying to come up with a gameplan on how to get through my "slow season" come January so that I can continue to support my two kids as a single working mom, something I've only been doing since last September and still finding my groove.  We've definitely come a long way.  I'm so incredibly proud of how well things are going for me and the kids, how far we've come, how much we've OVERCOME, especially considering how we've been hit with a constant stream of challenges and hiccups and obstacles this year.

The past 14 months has encompassed me leaving a ten year marriage, walking away from our big beloved home of a decade that I had put my heart and soul into creating/painting/decorating, moving into a tiny 850 sq ft cottage with my kids and our 100 lb dog, having to give up my own studio and office space and condensing everything into my now bedroom, the kids having to share a room the size of a walk in closet, enduring a never ending series of stressful divorce court dates, me being attacked by a Great Dane resulting in a debilitating ankle injury including ripped tendons and torn achilles heel that had me in crutches for weeks followed by a very painful 6 month rehabilitation process before I could even walk normally again, all the while still working full time and raising kids on my own, having our beloved dog become violently ill twice in the course of one month scaring us beyond words (he survived both incidents thanks to quick medical intervention but at a hefty cost of course!), a car accident (which was completely my fault) on my way to a divorce court date because I was crying and driving which is a bad combination in case you didn't already know that, and finishing up this crazy year with a surgery which culminates 6 months of pain and discomfort which I am more than happy to put behind me.  Not to mention the daily exhaustion of being a single working mom raising two kids on her own, providing loving and attentive support in order to help my children navigate this time of transition and upheaval in their lives, providing stability and consistency for them, running my own full time business during a depressed economy in an over saturated market, and still trying to be a present friend and active member of society, all the while also trying to find time for myself amidst all the chaos....  It's definitely been a crazy 14 months.  

And yet, despite all this, despite the upheaval, the speed bumps, the setbacks.... we are HAPPY.  So very, very, very happy.  We now live in a stable, joyful, music-filled, art-filled little cottage.  We have a wonderful routine which involves daily sunset walks down to the beach.  We walk everywhere we need to go, we ride bikes, we go surfing, and paddleboarding, we enjoy each other and we enjoy the sanctity of a conflict-free home, full of peace and happiness and joy.  Sure, the kids drive me crazy sometimes, they still bicker like siblings do, we have homework battles on a regular basis... life is still LIFE. In all its glory, good and bad.  None of that has changed. Nor should it, as it's normal and expected.  But there's an aura of happiness and ease and peacefulness that is indescribably pleasant.  Life is both way more simple and way more complicated all at the same time.  We have less STUFF and I'm always running around like a chicken with its head cut off, but we are HAPPY.   The kids don't have all the luxuries they had grown accustomed to and yet, they've adjusted quickly.  We've sacrificed so much and yet, we've gained so much in return.   I guess it's hard to explain but I think they've learned a lesson about being resilient and rising to the challenges of whatever life throws your way.   Of doing more with less.   We still have so far to go.  I don't know what the future holds.  I don't realistically know if I can sustain us with just my art.  I certainly hope I can, but if I can't, I need a plan B.  So, I'm using this time to start thinking about my plan B.  I want to be prepared.  I don't want to be caught off guard.  I want to succeed at continuing to provide for my children, to meet their basic needs and to continue to give them the love and support they need to make the most out of the life they've been given.   There's something to be said for downsizing.  For going back to the basics.  I feel like our brains have been reformatted, we've been given a jolt of perspective and understanding of what is truly important in life.  I don't sweat the small stuff.  I don't fret about THINGS.  I know what's important and worth fighting for and what simply isn't worth fussing over.  I've learned to say no and not take on more than I can handle.  * Mostly * I've learned how to accept the help of my amazing friends, which is something I have traditionally been utterly incapable of allowing. I can unequivocally state that without the help of my friends I would have probably not emerged from this year as unscathed as I have.  That I truly could not have made it.  They made it possible for me to succeed and work and juggle everything.   I have evolved so much this year, as a woman, as a mother, as a business owner, as a friend.  I've watched my children grow in immeasurable ways.  Emotionally, physically and mentally.  They've definitely learned some lessons the hard way and sometimes suffered greatly due to our circumstances.  But they've bounced back every time.  They've gained a resilient spirit to match my own.  We're a great little trio and have become a closer unit than we've ever been due to our common goal of making the most out of life, EVERY single day.  

So, in this spirit of resilience, of strength and determination, I recently completed a half-sleeve tattoo to honor this past year.  The basic premise behind the design is one of fortitude of character and a "never say die" approach to life.   The anchor states "refuse to sink" and is surrounded by a sea, the lower half is dark and stormy and the upper half is calmer and brighter.  The anchor connects both seas, providing a bridge of sorts between the hard times and the good times.  Ultimately, it's your attitude that gets you through life, helps you weather the choppy waters and helps you appreciate the calmer seas.  It's the one consistent thing you can rely on and, realistically, the only thing you really have any control over in life.   I wanted to honor that lesson that I've learned so intimately well this past year.  The sea is also a very personal source of zen for me.  When I get my daily morning walk on the beach with my dog Kooper, I start off my hectic and harried day on the right foot.   That dose of ocean therapy carries me through the day.  The days when the kids and I can go surfing or paddleboarding are even more joyful and deeply appreciated.  There is quite simply NOTHING I like more on this earth than the three of us out on the water at the same time.  It's our happy place.  So, this tattoo (which will eventually be added upon and work its way into a full sleeve one day) represents all that we've overcome, all that we've learned and gained and honors the ocean as a source of healing for all three of us.

Thought I'd share this with you all in the hopes that it might help anyone else going through a similar life transition.  A year later, I can unequivocally state that YES, it gets better.  MUCH better.  :)

 

 

Jolene, Peter, Cassandra, Zoe & Sabine

I"ve been photographing this family FOREVER.  And I look forward to our shoots every year with great anticipation because we always make an adventure out of it.  Jolene & Peter give me FULL artistic freedom.  I can literally do whatever I want.  They trust me implicitly.  The girls are always full of spunk and life and it's just FUN.  This year they asked me what had I always wanted to do family shoot-wise but never had the opportunity to do.  I told them I'd always wanted to take a client and just walk around downtown Santa Cruz and shoot wherever I felt inspired, whatever captured my eye, whatever doorway or light or sculpture or alley or staircase drew me in.  Just sorta walking around and winging it.  And they were totally up for it!  YAY!  So, that's exactly what we did!  Jolene also managed to get permission for us to shoot inside the MAH museum which was pretty neat.  And at the very end we grabbed some fun shots in the VW Eurovan which is an integral part of their family life (lots of camping and road trips with this bunch) and it just rounded out what was a really inspiring shoot for me.  I love doing new things and this was just what I needed to invigorate me.  I loved it and the girls seemed to have lots of fun with it too.  

Jolene & Peter, thanks for always trusting me and giving me the leeway to just do my thing.  I think you'll love the results!  ENJOY your sneak peek!

Love you guys!

Adam & Matthew & their big blue eyes.

This beloved family drives all the way down from Napa just to see me.  It makes me feel like a million bucks because I can't personally can't stand any road trip over an hour with my two kids sooooo yeah. :)

When Julianne and I were planning this shoot, she was debating about whether or not to bring their new addition to the family, a Great Dane mix rescue pup.  Naturally, my canine loving self practically insisted she bring Rex.  And I'm so glad they did.  He's a great dog and I have a MAJOR affinity for the relationship between a dog and its "little people" so I was smitten from the get go. 

Adam and Matthew are two of the most rambunctious boys I have ever met.  From the minute their feet touched the ground after leaping out of their car, they didn't stop scaling, jumping, climbing, leaping, and tackling.  They are ALL BOY.  It was kinda like herding cats trying to get them to focus on me but I know these boys well enough by now that I know exactly what works and doesn't work and was able to dig into my repertoire of potty jokes to capture their attention.  Hey, I never said a shoot with me would be a  dignified affair.  I only promise that you'll love the images. :)

And, I'm hoping Julianne and Marchus love these.  I think it's our best set yet.  Even with the black eye and knocked out tooth on Adam.  LOL!  And this is just a couple weeks after getting a cast removed.  And sustaining a myriad of injuries leading up to the shoot.  Julianne knew better than to reschedule based on the knocked out tooth and black eye.  She knows with her boys that the injury at hand is likely LESS than what COULD POTENTIALLY be awaiting down the road if we tried to reschedule! LOL!!!  Those boys are nonstop!  My heart skipped a beat several times thinking I was about to witness some incident that was going to result in a trip to the ER.  Julianne is the perfect mom for them because she doesn't even bat an eye all the while I'm about to pass out from holding my breath and turning blue because I stopped breathing as they jumped off a boulder 10 feet off the ground.  I think having a super duper cautious and overly safety conscious boy has made me forget what NORMAL boys do! hahahahaha!

In the end, we got amazing shots and everyone had fun! Wooohooo!  And so glad Rex was a part of it!

Julianne & Marchus, thank you so much for making the long trek every year to see me.  I love your family!!!!

ENJOY your sneak peek!!!

Juliette, Arianna & Joshua

I've been photographing this family since the oldest Juliette was just a tiny baby.  In fact, Juliette and my Ellie are born just two weeks apart.  We are going on our 8th year of doing these annual family shoots! Deborah and I first met when they lived locally here but they soon moved to Carmel and thankfully kept having me come and chronicle their family as it grew.  And did it ever grow.  Deborah had three kids literally back to back.  And looked utterly fabulous doing it.  You'd hate her if she weren't so likeable! lol!

All three kids have very strong personalities.  Juliette is the one who I can reliably depend on to be my assistant and is very mature for her age.  She takes the job of eldest very seriously.  Arianna is unusual for a middle child as she is less interested in keeping the peace and mediating as she is stirring the pot!  She is full of fire and spunk and lots of life in that little body of her.  Joshua is more on the quiet side, probably used to being overshadowed by his two boisterous sisters.  He repeatedly tried to convince me that "he just doesn't know how to smile" and kept doing pouty faces for me.  I eventually broke that wall down.  Turns out he's a little rockstar in the making and all you have to do is ask him to sing to bring him out of his shell.  Soon, the smiles were flowing all around.  

Deborah & Charlie, enjoy your sneak peek!!!

Brendan & Claire

I had the distinct pleasure of meeting this family for the first time in the comfort of their home.   It was quite fortuitous that Brendan is crazed with Legos seeing as my 10 yr old son has been since he was about 2 yrs old and I am an official EXPERT in all things Lego.  Brendan and I hit it off right off the bat.  Baby Claire was about as sweet, happy and adorable as they come.  Mom and Dad were all kinds of awesome chill.  Needless to say, we had a great time hanging out at their house, playing, and getting to know each other.  I do so love coming to my clients homes (especially new clients) and photographing them in their element and finding the best light and locations within the confines of their property!  It's a wonderful challenge and I've found that kids are always so excited to show me their favorite spots and toys.  Makes for a great shoot! 

Janice & Jonathan, thank you so much for the extremely warm welcome and spending a couple hours with me!  It was great fun and I hope you love your sneak peek!  xoxox

Ava & Bella

I've been photographing these two girls ever since Ava was a wee pup and Bella since she was in utero.  They have such different personalities but both girls are full of spunk and fire.  It's never a dull session!  We did the shoot at their home this time and the light was magnificent and the rolling hills as a backdrop could not have been more lovely as the sun was cresting the mountaintop.  The light and scenery coupled with their effervescent personalities made for a fabulous session, despite all the characteristic Ava-antics I've come to expect.  In fact, if she ever stops being her Ava-self, I may get all depressed!  Bella was definitely trying to be the "pleaser" during this session and I feel like this was the first time she wasn't overshadowed by her super "big personality" sister.  She was owning the camera in her own right!   They're gorgeous girls and I got some really great shots including a cameo appearance from dad's old Chevy Nova!  Tiffany & Don, I hope you love your sneak peek!

Estelle & Sebastian

And their amazing wonderland they call home!  I so look forward to this shoot every year.  For starters, the kids are crazy cute and precocious.  Then, you add in some really nice parents.  A super sweet Polish Tatra Sheep dog named Sartaj. Then, the piece de resistance, you top it all off at the most stunning mountaintop home located on several gorgeous acres which comprise the property at Abounding Harvest Farm.  

This year it was uncharacteristically hot due to a heat wave and it was, like, about a billion degrees that particular day.  Seriously, it was well over 100 degrees at their home.  CRAZY HOT.  But everyone rallied like champs and we made the most of the sweltering weather by staying in the shade and maximizing the soft, stunning light once the sun crest behind the hilltop and washed their orchards in the most insane bath of luscious light you could ever ask for.  

I couldn't get enough of Sebastian, who is absolutely edible right now.  Honestly, full on nom-nom-nom material.  Too bad he wanted nothing to do with my camera.  But I still managed to get what I wanted.  I'm persistent like that. :)

And Estelle was her usual vibrant, feisty, delightful self, all wrapped into one very animated and joyous package!

Daniel and Nancy, it was a pleasure as always.  Can't wait for next year! :)

 

Ryan

I have been photographing this little dude for several years now.  I had the opportunity to do a quick shoot with him this week and we also snagged a few shots with his beautiful mama as well.  He's a gorgeous little boy with the most stunning eyes, luscious skin tones and fabulous hair.  Not to mention that killer smile.    We were lucky with the weather which was just slightly overcast but still with solid directionality to the light so I was able to maximize my ability to play with and shape the light to highlight his features. Once the fog rolled in, we headed to the ice cream shop and rewarded him for his superb modeling! :)

Noha, enjoy your sneak peek!

 

Ellie, Ben, Annabel, Trixie & Teddy

Five of the most well behaved, photogenic, cooperative, delightful children you will ever meet.  An absolute photographer's dream.   Most photographers would probably cringe at the prospect of trying to photograph 5 siblings but clearly they've never had the pleasure of photographing these kids.  This was my third time having the honor of capturing them on film and it was just as wonderful as the last two times.  I seriously cannot manage to self regulate with this bunch and always end up taking way too many pictures.  They just make it SO easy!!!  It's like shooting a J Crew catalog.  Gorgeous, each and every one of them.  And sweet as can be, too.  I'm already looking forward to our next shoot.

Joanna & Ned, thanks for producing and raising five of the greatest kids on the planet.  I love your family!

ENJOY your sneak peek, there's TONS more! 

Kenzi & Bodi

If you follow my blog at all you will have to recognize this family as I get to photograph them several times a year and I've chronicled every step of their journey as they've expanded their family first with Miss Kenzi and then the addition of Mr. Bodi, who just turned 1 and was the occasion for this particular shoot.

We were blessed with incredible weather, a gorgeous location and two happy kids!  Which, of course, means two very relaxed and happy parents too!  Admittedly, the lollipops may have helped but truly, they were smiling even BEFORE the lollipops made an appearance!  All in all, a most delightful and wonderful shoot with some fabulous images as the end result! YAY!  

I get to see them all again in December, at which point Bodi will be walking and that should add a whole new dimsension to our experience! LOL!  

Elisa & Peter, enjoy your sneak peek!  Love you guys!

John & Jennifer

A few weeks ago, I had the amazing honor of being able to capture John & Jennifer's wedding.   Not only are they two of the sweetest people I have ever met, they also happen to be close friends with one of my best friends (who, by the way, did an INSANE job with all the flower arrangements!).  Her adorable children and Jennifer's niece were the flower girls and ring bearer.  Cute overload, might I add.  The wedding was held at my all time favorite wedding venue, Nestldown.  This place is PURE magic.  Nestled amongst the redwood trees, surrounded by lush gardens, a stunning pond, a redwood grove, a little train and a converted barn for dancing the night away... it truly doesn't get any better than this place.  A photographer's dream and clearly the most stunning and magical place for any couple to get married.  I could not have been more thrilled or delighted to be a part of this very special, very heartwarming and incredibly intimate day full of love, joy and tenderness.

Here is a quick little slideshow with a few favorites from the day.  

John & Jennifer, THANK YOU so much for choosing me to capture this day! It was truly an honor.  I wish you both the very best as you embark on this new journey together!

*** CLICK HERE TO VIEW SLIDESHOW ***

Food Awareness Through Teaching - LOCAL F.A.T.T's very first Pop Up Breakfast

My dear friend Kevin Koebel is the founder and main chef of F.A.T.T., an organization dedicated to Food awareness through teaching.   He and his wife Renata have a passion for local, sustainable food education.  They are two of the most energetic, passionate people I know and it was with great pleasure that I signed on to be the photographer of this event, their very first collaborative Pop Up Breakfast this past weekend at the Westside Santa Cruz Farmer's market.  The event was completely sold out well in advance.  There were a ton of local vendors involved in this amazing event and I will list them all at the end of this blog post.  I HIGHLY recommend going over to the FATT website (click here) and/or liking their facebook page.  You do not want to miss out on the next one of these.  If you have any interest in participating or contributing or just being in the loop, be sure to send Kevin an email.

Here are just a few images from the breakfast.  Everything was prepped fresh that morning, cooked on site, using all local vendors, local ingredients etc..  A HUGE shout out to Roland Konicke from Uncie Ro's pizza for the amazing brick oven and his tireless hard work alongside Kevin.  Kevin's sous-chef was fabulous too as were ALL the people who spear headed this event to make it happen.  I've never seen a group of people work so seamlessly well together, like a well oiled machine, all moving with great efficiency and sheer joy in the task at hand.  Everyone involved was clearly doing this for the love of what this event was promoting, which is supporting local, sustainable food sources and healthy cooking.   I wish I had everyone's name but I will quickly mention Nesh Dhillon who is the director of all the Santa Cruz Farmer's Markets and Sarah Wood, the editor & publisher of Edible Monterey Bay magazine.

The menu consisted of:

Salty Caramel Sticky Buns - made fresh that morning and served hot with house-made, raw honey butter.

Local Wild King Salmon - Wood-fire roasted, served with persillade or wild mushroom-tarragon reduction.

House-Made Sausage Roulades - Scrambled eggs, Harley Chevre, wilted greens, house-ground fennel-molasses sausage rolled in a thin pizza dough and wood-fire baked.

Poached Eggs & Wilted Collards - Meyer Lemon, chilies, sea salt and a drizzle of flax seed oil.

House-cured Bacon - Light cured, moderately smoked, sliced thick and cooked hot.

Macerated Fresh Fruit - Sparkling wine & Vanilla bean organic blueberries, strawberries, melons and raspberries.

Libations courtesy of LuLu Coffee, Equinox Champenoise & Condor's Hope Winery.

Involved vendors were Happy Boy Farms, Route 1 Farms, Live Earth Farms, Fiesta Farms, Everett Family Farm, New Natives Nursery, Twin Girl, Rainbow Orchard, Companion Bakeshop, H&H Fresh Fish and Uncie Ro's Pizza.

Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy.

*Go Local*

The S. Family

I've been photographing this family since the very early days of my photography business.  It's been such an honor to be able to chronicle this family as they've added little ones and then watch as the little ones grow.  When I first photographed them, their son Conor was just a young dude and now he TOWERS over me and is off to college.  It's completley disconcerting.  I'm struggling with it all to be quite honest.  Pam & Josh have been so kind to the kids and I, having the three of us over for dinner to welcome us to the new neighborhood when we moved down this way after our big life transition.  It was so incredibly kind of them and hilarious to watch Isabelle (the youngest) fall head over heels for my Gavin.  Crazy cute! 

They wanted to do the shoot in my small village close to where I live and I was more than happy to accomodate that.  I love Capitola.  It's just a really great little beach town.  Vibrant and full of color and laid back appeal.  We worked our way around the village stopping here and there and grabbing shots as we went and ended up on the beach just as the sun was setting.  It was just another gorgeous California day with a beautiful family to photograph.  The girls are SUPER comfortable with me so I get to bear witness to all their goofy faces and silly antics.  This group is a lively bunch and there's never a dull moment!

Josh & Pam, it was a pleasure as always, thank you for once again letting me capture these memories for you.  I love our annual tradition!  ENJOY your sneak peek!

Wylie & his big brother Quincy

There are no words for how much I adore this family.  From the moment I first met them during a newborn shoot for their first son Quincy, I was instantly smitten.  Everything about them rang true to me and we had an instant connection.   When Kristen contacted me to book her newborn session just WEEKS after finding out she was pregnant with baby #2, that's when I knew they maybe liked me as much as I liked them! LOL! :)

Kristen and Walter have an amazing birth story for little Wylie.  It was an unplanned and unexpected home birth.  Technically, an in-the-car parked in front of the house thank goodness the neighbor is a labor and delivery nurse, kinda birth.  Walter caught his son.  Kristen is a ROCKSTAR.  Big brother Quincy was, initially, far more interested in the firefighter's who came to "clean up" than his baby brother!  And luckily Grandma was around to help with everything including wrangling Quincy and keeping him entertained during this session.  Such a wonderful, amazing, awesome family.    I especially loved that Kristen & Walter are not into props or "things", they wanted their newborn session to be as raw and authentic and natural and relaxed as possible.  Totally my vibe.    We basically hung out for several hours and I took pictures.  Directed a few shots here and there but mostly just engaged, observed and captured.  

Kristen & Walter, thank you for entrusting me yet again to capture these special memories for you.  As always, our time together was absolutely delightful despite the record making that was going on in the pee & poop department! HA! :)

Love you all!  (and a huge thank you to grandma for all her help!)

ENJOY your sneak peek!

Anja

This was my first time meeting this delightful family and I really enjoyed their company.  Super sweet and devoted parents to their little girl Anja!  We did this little mini shoot to honor that adorable milestone of being able to sit on her own but not quite yet crawling away.  It's truly THE best age to photograph!  She was also at that stage where she was just starting to have some separation anxiety so she initially cried anytime she wasn't in either of their arms but we quickly figured out that as long as she was able to sit in a patch of dirt she was perfectly content playing in the dirt.  Once we figured that out, it was smooth sailing the rest of the shoot as we went from dirt patch (with nice lighting and backdrop) to dirt patch (ditto)!  Anja is cute as a button and I hope I get to keep watching her grow and change! 

It was a pleasure meeting all three of you!  ENJOY your sneak peek!!!

Cameron & Chloe

I've been photographing this family for a while now and Jennifer and I have become close.  We try to grab Zumba classes together when we can (admittedly, I have not been able to go since my ankle injury and it will be a while before I have the range of motion needed to return, BOOHOO!) and she came over and helped me get a design plan set up for my backyard right after I had moved in.  She's super sweet and her family is awesome.  Her husband Steve is an INCREDIBLE carpenter, his work is truly amazing.   This particular shoot of ours was a trade and I'm so glad I have such wonderful people in my life to do trades with!

Here is a sneak peek of Cameron & Chloe from the other day.  They are adorable together.  At one point when I was photographing Chloe alone and Cameron was off climbing a tree, Chloe got all teary eyed and when we asked her what was wrong she said: "I want my budder."  So we called her "budder" to come assist me in photographing her and she was ALL smiles once again.  They absolutely love each other and Cam is super tender with his little sister.  It's pretty darn cute.

ENJOY!

Cottage Backyard Transformation

When the kids and I moved into this cottage rental about 10 months ago, one of my biggest priorities was to make the backyard more welcoming.  The backyard at our old house was fully lanscaped and gorgeous and huge so it was really important to me that the kids have a yard that felt like a yard, despite its postage stamp size.  So, even though the yard consisted of a tiny amount of space, two slabs of cement and a bunch of bark, and even though I'm not known for my green thumb (I have a history of killing cactus), I was smart and enlisted the help of two friends who specialize in this sort of stuff to help me pick out all native, drought resistant plants in the color scheme that I desired (heavy on the red, orange and yellow for the middle and more purple & blue on the fenceline).  THANK YOU Aerin & Jennifer!  Then, I got to planting.  The kids helped with some initial stages.  Even our new neighbor Jay helped us put together the veggie garden which ended up being so amazing!  A few months later my friend Tiffiny came over and we planted a whole bunch of tomato plants on the side of the house.  It's been this incredible group effort to help the yard look the way it looks now.  My little neighborhood Salvadorian worker Miguel did all the heavy duty tilling to prepare the ground and cutting back a significant chunk of the invasive bamboo on the side of the house and leveling the backyard to prepare it for planting.  He was definitely a huge part of this transformation!    The plants were all added slowly according to whatever my budget could accomodate any given month.    The yard gets full sun nearly all day long and the Capitola weather is just absolutely IDEAL for plant growth.   Never too hot or too cold.  Juuuuuuust right.  The plants flourished.  And in the span of 10 months the garden is completely transformed.  It's amazing to me how much it has changed in just under a year.  We've got tomatoes, corn, salad, ollalaberries, melons, chard and artichoke growing in the veggie garden.  I planted an apple tree and and apricot tree which are already producing!  I just planted a teeny little japanese maple tree that I hope does well.  We've got gorgeous vines along the fenceline, lovingly and thoughtfully strung and directed as they grew every month.  A huge variety of colorful and yet completely drought resistant plants in the little patch of dirt next to the shed.  And in the front yard I planted four rose bushes in the unused planter bed which we then have been surrounding the rose bushes with shells that we collect during our daily morning beach walks.  I also installed a chalkboard wall which was just an abandoned free piece of wood that I spray painted with chalkboard paint and which our neighbor affixed onto the shed wall for us.  Ellie and I also created a colorful canvas collage that says "Bloom Where You're Planted" which we placed next to the hammock by the most colorful part of the garden.  Two separate friends generously donated an old basketball hoop and mini fort structure that the kids love.  I am just completely blown away how so many people were able to come together individually in order to collectively create this amazing, warm and welcoming space.  I am so grateful to all my wonderful friends who assisted with this endeavour.  My next big project on the horizon is to use the space behind the shed, which is 6 foot by 20 foot empty space that is too hidden and shaded for growing anything but JUST RIGHT for a chicken coop.......  I just need to check with my neighbors and if they're on board then come this spring we will have chickens too!  Talk about maximizing a tiny plot of land, huh!?    I thought some of you might enjoy looking at some snapshots of the transformation.  I've taken pictures only 3 times during the past 10 months so you can really see the Before, Middle and After very clearly with these shots.  It's pretty wonderful, if you ask me.  Definitely happy with our little yard.  And because the weather has been so incredible we've been eating practically every meal on our outside table.  Heavenly.  :)

Megan & Luna

When my good friend Megan asked if I'd take a few shots for her new venture I was absolutely thrilled and honored to be able to do this for her.  Megan and I met last year at a gathering of Rhodesian Ridgebacks and their owners.  We instantly hit it off.  Let's be clear, Megan is all kinds of awesome sauce.  She's a GG (gorgeous geek) with a wicked sense of humor, the mind of a rocket scientist and the natural good looks of a model.  And if that isn't enough to want to hate her, she just had a baby a few months ago and is already back in her skinny jeans.  COMMENCE HATE.  Bwahahahaha.  I wish I could hate her but instead I just LURVES her and her family sooooooo much.  Her sweet husband Jack has very kindly taken to geeking out with my son over Star Wars and Legos and Books.  Gavin thinks Jack is the "coolest guy on the face of the planet" and pretty much idolizes him.  And between Jack and Megan they produced the cutest baby known to mankind with the most fabulous name to go along with her extremely high cute factor: Eowyn.  All this AFTER already owning the most stunning specimen of a female Rhodesian Ridgeback.  Yeah, I'm admittedly pretty gaga over all them.   Megan and I have grown close and I really can't express how much I enjoy her company.  I feel like we're long lost twins and derive great pleasure in knowing that my warped sense of humor is not wasted on her....  :)

Megan wanted this shoot with her pup Luna for a very specific purpose.  Megan has already built one of the top 70 websites in the WORLD (it's called Squidoo) and, despite just having had a baby, in her very limited "free" time she's hard at work on a new project for those of us lucky enough to have dogs in our lives.  When the site is up and running, I will be sure to let you all know!  I'm quite possibly more excited about it than she is.  For reals.

Megan and I wanted to really have fun with this shoot and do something a little different for a CEO of a new dog-centric company.  On my end, I really wanted to infuse Megan's effervescent spirit, her easy confidence, her boundless energy and her passion for dogs (and specifically her endless love for Luna), into the images that I created.  I hope I was able to achieve that lofty goal!

Megan, Jack, Eowyn & Luna: I love you guys!!!

Elliott & his parents at the Lavender Farm

Last year was my first time shooting at this amazing location.  I was hired to do a mother and son shoot for sweet Elliott and his gorgeous mama on the STUNNING property they live on.  They happen to live in a little house located right in the center of a private lavender farm out in the Monterey inlands.    This year I was brought back to do a family shoot and I was so excited because I got to explore even more of this insanely gorgeous property.   Not to mention that the family looks like they all belong on the cover of a magazine...so yeah, not the hardest shoot I've ever had, hahahaha!  Elliott was having his typical 2 yr old moments but in between he was ALL CHARM and ALL SMILES.  You'd never even know looking at these pictures.  He is one gorgeous kid.  I loved how mom and dad had fun with the shoot and were willing to wing it with me, letting the mind-blowing light guide me as to choosing where to shoot at all the stunning locations on the property.  I'm already looking forward to coming back next year!

Nicole & David, it was such a pleasure!  ENJOY your images!!!

Austin & Sydney

The day before I was scheduled to leave Austin, I got to spend some time with a friend (Hola Amber!) who lives a 2 hr drive from Austin.  She drove all the way down just to spend a few hours with me.  It was so great hanging out with her and getting stuck in a massive neighborhood street water battle in downtown Austin's bar district on 6th street.  People were dumping buckets from the rooftops, water gun snipers out the windows, gobs of water balloons tossed back and forth at the main intersection... Even the bartenders would run out with a water balloon, launch it across the street and then run back inside to their bartending duties.  I'd never seen anything like it but it was all kinds of awesomesauce.  That day Heather and her family were at a birthday party and somehow the subject of professional photos came up and a mom at the party was lamenting the fact that she did not have any professional shots of her sweet little baby girl who at 9 months was at the IDEAL age for photographing.... well, seemed to make sense to get me in on the conversation and so via texting we set up a mini shoot the very next day with Heather's friend Jenn and her two ADORABLE kids Austin & Sydney.  The shoot was scheduled for the crack of dawn the next morning since I would be flying back home later that day.  The weather was INSANELY muggy, hot and humid so much of the shoot was indoors which worked out beautifully since Jenn & Victor have the MOST amazing and gorgeous house and the kids have the most awesome rooms so I was in photographer heaven.  Austin was incredibly comfortable in front of the camera and took exactly 1.2 seconds to warm up to me and start mugging for the camera! LOL!  Sydney was a little more cautious of the stranger with the  big apparatus all up in her grill (typical of that age) but she lit up whenever her brother was in the room or next to her to make her feel at ease.  They were SO cute together.  

Jenn & Victor, thank you for welcoming me into your gorgeous home on such incredibly short notice and letting me capture these images for you of your adorable children!  I had a really great time and it was a lovely shoot and great way to cap off my stay in Austin!  

ENJOY your images!

Declan & Vivienne

Ah how I so very much enjoyed my time in Texas with this family.  If you read my previous post you'll learn more about the fun stuff I got to do on this trip to Austin.  But this blog post is all about Heather, David, Declan and Vivienne.   I love them all!  Declan is the sweetest and brightest and most charming little 4.5 year old on the planet.  Vivienne is full of spunk, fire, life and killer smiles (when she is willing to dole them out! She's quite judicious about that! Lol!).  Declan is so tender and sweet to all those around him.  He has no qualms giving hugs and kisses and is just a really gentle spirit not to mention incredibly bright.  He has impeccable manners and was always delightful to be around.  Vivienne reminded me a lot of Ellie: feisty, determined, and a force of nature.  That girl knows what she wants and she's going to find a way to make it happen.  But she was also very affectionate and spent much of her time on my hip with her little arm wrapped around mine for stability.  We had a special little bond.  I had the distinct pleasure of doing bedtime stories with both kids every night, something I absolutely LOVE doing, and it was so cute to have them cuddled up to me as we read.  It made me not long for my kiddos quite as badly as I was getting my "mommy dose/cuddles" through them!  

This shoot was quite spectacular insomuch that we did it at two totally different locations with two entirely different sets of outfits and two different times of the day (to account for the inhuman heat and humidity)  So, the first part was at the crack of dawn and the second part was at the end of the day.  Despite this accomodation for the weather, I was still completely drenched in my own sweat at the end of each shoot.  I just never quite acclimated to the heat and humidity.  In my defense, it was the hottest time of the year and they were having uncharacteristically awful humidity.  In fact, the day of our shoot was (luckily) the best of the 5 days weather wise as we had storms, clouds and even rain one day.  So, we totally lucked out!

I was tickled pink that I had been able to scour the area with Heather the day prior and visited a ton of potential spots so I could pick my favorite two.  I think we had two incredible locations and I even got to go shopping with them to finalize their outfits and make sure everything was absolutely perfect!  If any clients ask me how to pick out outfits that work well together without being crazy matchy-matchy, I am going to direct them to this shoot because the outfits were spot on.  Yay for teamwork!!! :)

Ok, enough chitchat, onto the sneak peek!  Heather & David, thanks again for hosting me and making my stay so wonderful!  I especially loved being up at 1 am sitting at Heather's computer designing new matching ringtones (based on the Dexter soundtrack) while laughing our butts off at our OCD-ness of making sure it started and ended at the precise spot we wanted it to.  That pretty much was a total highlight for me.  So very US! Lol!!!  LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

A quick shout out to Julie of ZOZOBUGBABY for Vivienne's first "look", how insanely cute is that dress!?!?!

And here's a quick iphone picture that Heather took of me during our shoot while I was photographing Declan and Vivienne spontaneously sat in my lap, resulting in me giving her some major loving.  Look at that smile.  Trouble with a capital T that one...  :)

 

Austin, Texas

I know the blog's been quiet lately and I apologize for that!  I had my birthday getaway up in Inverness followed immediately by a trip out to Austin, Texas for work (and play!).  Some dear clients of mine moved to Austin almost 2 years ago.  I was *really* sad to see them go and assumed this meant I would no longer have the pleasure of photographing their growing family (they had just had baby #2 when they left the Bay Area.)  Much to my immense surprise, they saved up and surprised me with the news that they were flying me out this year to come do their family portraits at their (gorgeous) new home in Austin, TX.  Woah.  Talk about the biggest honor ever.  I was delighted and thrilled to do this for them and tickled pink that Heather & David were gracious enough not only to let me stay with them the entire time but also that Heather took the day off work the day before our shoot to show me all around Austin and so we could scope out potential shooting locales together!  That was such a treat, not only because we had a total blast hanging out together all day (I LOVED the South Congress neighborhood best!) but it really gave me the opportunity to pick the two spots I thought would work the best based on lighting, location, weather challenges and time of shoot etc...

During my free time with Heather, and then later with my friend Amber (who drove 2 hrs to come meet up with me!) and then the last day I also had a little free time to wander around a bit (Barton Springs and a super duper neato smoothie joint - Thanks Kathy!) I decided to ONLY shoot with my iphone and it was SO liberating!  I'm seriously becoming totally addicted to only documenting my personal life with my iphone and my Hipstamatic app.    I have so many incredible shots I've taken with that particular combo that I'm questioning why I would ever need to bring anything else during my own little adventures out and about.  Now, obviously, the day I start suggesting doing a client's family shoot with it, well, then you can all do an intervention on me, but for now and for my personal use, it's quite fabulous and makes me all kinds of happy.

I put together a little collage of the images I took with my phone during my 5 day stay in Texas.  Turns out I was even commissioned to do a second shoot for one of Heather's good friends while I was there, so that was great fun too!  I made the most of my time in Austin and can't wait to come back next year!  I'll post Heather & David's family shoot and then the sibling shoot with Austin & Sydney next.  But first, I actually need to finish editing all those images! HA!  I got in late last night and by the time I had picked up my kids from my mom's house and my dog from my friend's house and walked in my door it was midnight local time (2am texas time) and I was DEAD to the world.    Trying to get myself back on track today.  It's amazing how much needs to be done when you get back from being away.  What I wouldn't do right now for laundry that washes and folds itself, a fridge that magically fills itself, plants that self water, a house that self cleanses, kids who aren't bickering incessantly from and overdose of summer togetherness and then I could focus every ounce of myself exclusively on editing!  Alas, I have misplaced my magic wand and instead must attend to it all on my own.    TRIAGE!!!  :)

A few notes about Texas:

1) The heat index lies somewhere between OMG and WTF!  (I stole that)

2) I could leave the house with my wet-straight-out-of-the-shower hair plastered to my face, step outside for 5 mn and then walk back in with a FULL on 'afro. My curls went WACKADOO.

3) I am not particularly fond of the heat/humidity and everytime I stepped outside I involuntarily made a little sound that was a cross between OUF and ARGH.  It made my hosts laugh at their wimpy California friend....

4) Austin is a really really really awesome place to live and I can totally see me and the kids there, super family and kid friendly, great schools, huge emphasis on the arts and music, funky neighborhoods and really cool vibe.  I TOTALLY dig it.

5) It's a little known fact that even if a peacock is all fluffed up and "presenting" himself to you, that does not mean you should approach him, as that will make said peacock "retract".  There is a HUGE inside joke with that little tidbit of information.  You'll just have to trust me on that.

6) One night I went to pick up a little plastic gecko on the kitchen floor only to discover it was a real little "house gecko" (very common in Austin), imagine my surprise!  

7) My girl Amber and I got caught in a HUGE street corney/neighborhood bar water battle with easily 200 people engaged in a massive water fight from one side of the intersection vs the other side of the intersection.  People were dropping buckets of water from apartments above the bars, water gun snipers on the roof tops, hoses on the street and water balloons from everyone else, including the bartenders who would leave their post, run outside, throw a water balloon and then run back inside.  HILARIOUS!!!  

8) Heather took me to a boot shop and I was instantly drawn to a pair of insanely awesome boots that I absolutely loved until I looked at the price tag.  $700.  What the what!?  Alas, no boots for me.  I would somehow find THE most expensive pair of boots in the shop without even trying.  Champagne tastes on a soda pop budget is the story of my life! HA! 

9) Freebirds was the best burrito I've EVER had.   

10)  I really loved all the portable air streamer food joints all over town and "food truck" lots.  Crazy cute.

11) There's something seriously wrong with someone jogging outside at high noon when it's 105 degrees outside.  Seriously.  You Texans are cray-cray.

12) I can't wait to come back!  Next time, Heather and I are Stand Up Paddleboarding! Woohoooooo!

Oliver

I've been photographing Oliver his entire life.  And we do his shoot every year during his birthday week.  It's a long standing tradition that I am honored to be able to keep doing year after year for this lovely family.  We decided to try a new spot this time, one I've never shot at before, but one that holds a lot of meaning to them.  They all love sailing, dad belongs to a sailing club and they spend a lot of time here at the SC Harbor.  So, we figured it was the perfect location!  I will admit that with my gimpy ankle and my natural inclination to seem to have a somewhat accident prone nature, I was a bit nervous about hobbling around, on and off boats/docks surrounded by a large body of water.... I could just picture myself going for an unexpeted swim with all my gear on me... but luckily, it all went swimmingly well without taking the plunge. Tee hee.  :)

Oliver has a great deal of spunk and fire in him so getting him animated is never a concern.  Corraling and directing all that spunk is where my talents come into play.  And we make a great team.  I got a HUGE hug at the end, like I always do, and it was really fun shooting in a new location and facing totally new and different lighting challenges and finding spots as we walked around.  

Patricia and Leo, so great hanging out with the three of you, ENJOY your images!

Katie, Scott & Lewis

Katie is related to some long time clients (and friends) of mine.  She's admired the work I've done for them over the years and with her son Lewis home for just a week before he heads back out for another long stint doing his professional sports gig, she decided it was finally time to get a family shoot!  The last time they had hired a professional photographer was TEN years prior!  It was long overdue and I'm honored they chose me to capture these images for them.  They were an absolute pleasure to spend time with, so funny and easy going and totally willing to roll with my bad jokes and spazzy energy.  Loved them!

Here's your sneak peek, ENJOY!!! And mama, try not to miss your boy too much....  :)

Ashley & Bryce

This was my first time photographing this beautiful family but it was so naturally easy from start to finish that it felt as though I'd known them forever!  It helped that I already knew Amy from her attending one of my workshops and had already briefly met her kids.  Speaking of which, her kiddos were absolutely adorable and totally cooperative not to mention that even dad was really "into" the session which is always a treat for the photographer!  Even their super duper sweet lab Chloe was able to participate!  I think Amy got her Mother's Day/Birthday gift combo in spades! :)

Amy & Shaun, thank you for hanging out with me on that absolutely gorgeous day!  I hope you love your sneak peek!  ENJOY! 

 

Daniel & Hannah

I absolutely ADORE this family.  I look forward to our shoots in ways that borderline on unhealthy. Ha!  Seriously though, these kids are just a BLAST to photograph and the entire family has a great vibe, energy and ease about them.  They are so real and authentic and so genuinely a happy bunch.  I soak up their dynamic and truly hope that my son and daughter have the same wonderful relationship that these two have and that I have half the confidence and skill in parenting that their parents have.  They've done a remarkable job with these two (now teens! where did the time go!?) and I attribute that to the fact that they are such a rock solid couple with clear boundaries and yet blessed with a wicked sense of humor.  They're all kinds of awesome sauce.  :)

Lesley & Agustin, it was a pleasure as always.  Thank you all for courageously braving the ridiculously cold wind, frigid temperatures and gloomy skies!  I appreciate how you all brightened the day with your sunny dispositions and great attitudes!!! :)

 

The Lillipops INSTAMAGIC dress!!!

I know, I know, it's been ages!  I just got off crutches a few days ago and I'm still in intensive Physical Therapy and hobbling about in a special "boot" device.  I haven't had a shoot in 4 weeks and I'm still pretty disabled by this ankle injury.  Turns out, not only did I rupture my bursa sac AND get an avulsion fracture but I also tore all the ligaments in my foot and ankle resulting in a Grade 3 sprain and a foot that was purple for the better part of 4 weeks.....  UGH.  So, it's pretty much a mess.  And I'm really frustrated at being so incapacitated.

 But, I had an opportunity to do a short and easy commercial shoot for my long time brilliant friend Jayme of Lillipops Designs for a dress that Ellie was SUPER jazzed about modeling and seeing as Ellie needs very little direction from me and she and I have been a photog/model team since she was 2 years old, I knew I could take on this task.   I was surprised at how hard it was for me to juggle the equipment and get around with the hobbling and pain but I powered through it and I'm so glad I did because we got some amazing shots!  It's all Ellie's doing really.  That girl was MEANT to be in front of the camera.  Children fall into 1 of 3 categories when it comes to the camera.  There are kids who are very uncomfortable in front of the camera, there are kids who are at ease in front of the camera and then there are kids who WORK the camera.  Ellie falls in that last category.  She's absolutely a pro at this gig and we had a blast doing the shoot with our little magic that we do, she and I.  Lots of laughter, lots of silly faces and lots of fabulous images.  I love the little triptych sequences because you can get a glimpse into the general vibe during our shoots.  That child of mine is an absolute RIOT.   Half the time she is laughing herself silly because she let out some monstrous burp.  That little delicate flower can burp like a 200 lb man.  It's disgusting and endearing all at the same time.  :)

I digress....  This dress is INSANE.  Seriously.  One of my all time favorite dresses that I've shot.  The colors are marvelous and HELLO?!?!  It's an instagram dress.  I mean, really, what more do you need people!?!?!  The link to check out the dress is HERE.

ENJOY!!!

Looking ahead to when I'm off these darn crutches. I won't stop dancing....

The Gimpy Photographer...

Just a little blogpost in case my loyal readers were wondering why I haven't been posting...  Sadly, I severely injured my left ankle (ruptured bursa sac, messed up ligament and small fracture) this past week, which resulted in a "lovely" trip to the emergency room, followed by a cast and crutches.... This unfortunate event, needless to say, has impeded on my ability to function as a photographer.   And while I have gotten in touch with my inner McGyver and basically Jerry-rigged my entire cottage to accomodate my new GIMP STATUS, I sadly have yet to figure out a way to effectively chase little kids around with my camera AND carry all my equipment AND get around on crutches, all simultaneously.....  Boo to unexpected situations where one is left to chose between letting a Great Dane chew their face off or sacrificing a broken bone.  Yeah......

Sooooo, I'm not going to be able to shoot for at least a couple weeks but the good news is that I'm nearly one week in now already and I've been able to witness a delicious variety of colors which have presented themselves on my foot/ankle.  First, it swelled to the size of a small country and then it turned into a lovely shade of eggplant on the sides and chartreuse along the top.  The swelling is still an issue but slowly  improves every day.    Can I just say that Arnica Gel is a miracle ointment?  Truly.  I've been using this plant-based remedy in my family for as long as I can remember.  I don't know if we're all just ridiculously clumsy or what, but we seem to get lots of bruises, and it helps heal bruising ten times faster than it would on its own.  I would like to think that our myriad of injuries stem from our very active lives as opposed to any total lack of coordination on our behalf... *cough*...  Either way, this particular injury was neither self inflicted nor my fault, and I'm incredibly fortunate that I'm so comfortable with handling very large and powerful dogs or I would have been far more injured than I was.  Also, as a side note, I feel the need to mention that I happen to have THE most amazing dog on the planet.  And anyone who has met him would agree with me on that! :)

In fact, Kooper The Wonder Dog was so emotionally distraught after the incident that he slept for 12 hrs straight.  Unheard of for him.  This is what he looked like.  How sad is this?!  Poor little guy.  And then he wouldn't leave my side for 3 days and kept licking my injured foot.  Sweet boy.

Anyway, since I know you all come here for the photographic eye candy, rather than my inane ramblings, and I have absolutely nothing to showcase client-wise because of this work setback, I'm going to share the two school Spring pictures I took of my son and daughter last month.  I was honored to, once again, do the School Spring Portraits for my children's school.   I always have great fun making them different than your usual "formal, posed school pictures", which has long been the norm.  Their school is very progressive in that regard and very open to letting me do my own thing with my approach to the school portraits.  I love that they trust me enough to give me that leeway and the freedom to do something totally different.   I'm all about COLOR and TEXTURE and REAL smiles!  

Here's my daughter, Ellie.  I painted these shutters just for this series of pictures (for the younger grades) and the color is based on the school's colors.  It also happens to be a totally rad color.  Which worked out quite nicely.  :)

And, here's my son, Gavin.

Those of you who are parents and Professional Photographers know the purgatory that is trying to photograph your own children... these were no exception, I assure you...  *phew*

And, yes, despite the fact that this has been a *most* challenging year, on every conceivable front, I'm finding a way to take it all in stride.  I've got an INCREDIBLE network of friends who are helping me manage taking care of my dog's daily walks/runs, helping me with meals for my kids to keep me off my feet as much as possible, taking my garbage cans out to the side of the road, picking up my pain meds and not squandering them, taking my kids to the library, and offering all their unending moral support.  I am surrounded by what I can only describe as a "tribe" of women who are making sure I get through this as emotionally unscathed as possible.  I'm certainly not one to ask for help and have never felt comfortable accepting it but I AM able to deeply appreciate and value that help when it's presented to me in such a way that I have no choice but to acquiesce and step away from my pride.  Being incredibly self sufficient is one thing but having a silly detrimental ego is an entirely different matter.  So, I'm letting them help me.  And I'm realizing that it's not the end of the world to graciously and humbly accept the love that is being given to you which is the same love you would so willingly give them were the roles to be reversed.  Lesson learned.  :)

And lastly, for my weird and morbid friends, I shall show you my ankle in all its glory.  Those of you on the more squeamish side should just close out the page at this point. :)

In the E.R. (my poor, dainty little ankle looks somewhat grotesque):

A week later (taken this morning thanks to an air cast that I can remove):

Progress....... Slow, but steady.  My biggest frustration in all this (besides not being able to work) has been not going on my daily morning run on the beach with my pup and being able to partake in my daily workouts.  I'm addicted to running and I need the endorphins to get me through the day.  So, I've resorted to going all Shawshank Redemption up in my involuntary confinement and doing whatever I can within my scope of abilities (sit ups, leg lifts, crunches, girlie push ups, upper body weight training etc...) twice a day just to make sure my muscles don't atrophy and to help ensure that I can get right back into my normal pace and distance when I can finally put some weight on my left ankle.  And, just to get the full effect of this modified jailhouse work out routine I play a little Eminen and wear a white wife beater tank top while I'm doing it.  Just for good measure.  :)

Kenzi & Bodi

I get to see this lovely family a few times a year which means I've been able to chronicle every single developmental milestone for each of the kiddos (including both pregnancies!) and it's been SUCH a treat to be able to watch them as they evolve as a family and as Kenzi and Bodi grow and change.  The main point of this shoot was to get pictures of Bodi but we also got some sibling and family shots as well to round it all out!

Bodi is truly as cute as they come.  His big brown eyes, chipmunk cheeks and adorable little mouth make him absolutely edible.  He is starting to look SO much like his sister Kenzi at the same age.  At first they looked really different to me but now he is really starting to take after her.  Their dispositions could not be more different though.   Bodi is really laid back and quiet-natured while Kenzi is a flurry of nonstop activity and determined energy.  The girl knows what she wants to do and what she doesn't want to do!  There's never any doubt and you gotta respect her clarity! HA! :)  

It was an absolutely stunning day and thankfully the sun was shining brightly because our first pick of locations was unexpectedly closed when we arrived so we had to drive to an alternate location.  It all worked out beautifully in the end so I'm glad nobody panicked! Ha! :)

I'll be seeing them all again in a few months, can't wait to see how much chunkier Bodi's thighs have gotten....  :)

Elisa & Peter, ENJOY your images! 

My Metamorphosis

I don't bare my soul often, if ever.  But I have a story to tell here that I think might benefit someone who could potentially be going through a similar journey and if for no other reason than to hopefully help someone sort through their own internal struggles, I'm going to share mine here.

When I embarked on this journey of figuring out life as a single working mom, just under a year ago, I was in the throes of my busiest season at work.  My kids were not yet back in school and underfoot 24/7.  I moved us out of our beloved home and left behind everything that had encompassed our world for the past decade, both good and bad.

I was so busy trying to juggle all my obligations, my work, my kids, their emotional needs during a time of great upheaval, trying to meet everyone's physical needs, keeping myself together and attentive for my clients, managing a contentious divorce, and just trying to get through each day with as much positivity as I could muster up that I did not have so much as a milisecond to THINK.  About myself.  About our new lives. Anything.  I ceased to exist as an entity.  I made sure to attend to my physical needs and get in daily workouts to release any negative juju and ride that endorphin high throughout the day, or as long as it would last, but I completely turned off my emotions.  Shut them down entirely.

Pain? Sadness? Grief? Anxiety? NO TIME FOR THAT.  Sorry.  I'm in survival mode here.  I've got a whole lot of shit to do.  So, I rolled up my sleeves, pulled myself up by my bootstraps and just focused on being the best mom and photographer and friend that I could be.   I powered through every challenge, every struggle, every setback and just kept plugging along in a frenzied juggling act that would put Ringling Brothers to shame.  I was determined to be a superhero for my kids throughout this process.    Besides, everyone expected me to.  How could I let them down?   I've been a pillar of strength my entire life.  I'm everyone else's rock.  I'm the one people go to when THEY need help.  I'm the one who holds other people up.   I wasn't about to let anyone see me flounder.   Weakness is not in my vernacular.  I don't "do" weak.  

So, I shoved aside any waves of sadness or feelings of vulnerability which would relentlessly try to enter my realm.  I didn't just merely turn away from those feelings, I also endlessly berated myself for ever CONCEIVING of acknowledging their existence.   No way, no how.  Absolutely NO time for pity parties.

And this actually worked.  For a while, at least.  And then I hit my slow season.  And finances became (are) truly worrisome.  And my anxiety ramped up.  And my faith in myself and my ability to support my kids with my work started to waver.  And my resolve for keeping any negative feelings at bay started to crumble.  And then, inevitably, I started to crumble too.  And the slippery slope of falling into a pit of despair turned out to be quite slippery indeed.  All my desperate attempts to stop myself from sliding downhill proved utterly futile.  My self confidence evaporated, seemingly into thin air.  My ability to put on a happy face for my kids became achingly difficult.  I'd (barely) keep it together while they were with me and then as soon as they were at their dad's I would collapse into a puddle of angst and tears.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I just.don't.cry.  And I certainly don't spend 48 hrs in my bed feeling sorry for myself and having what I can only assume were panic attacks.  I didn't even recognize myself.  I felt intensely destabilized by this sudden onslaught of sadness.   I felt completely unmoored by my inability to control my emotions.  I felt as though my circusmtances and my stress were swallowing me whole.  And no matter how valiantly I tried to fight off these feelings, they just kept coming back.  Bastards.  Seemingly, the harder I tried to ignore them, the stronger they were.  It was as though all my attempts at denial were simply fueling them.  

I finally reached a low, dark point and realized that it was time to truly address this angst and resolve this situation before it got the best of me.  I was scared of where I was heading.  I am usually a pretty fearless person and yet here I was utterly consumed by fear and anxiety.  I was, essentially, not myself.  

So, after yet another 48 hr cry-fest which left me feeling completely pathetic, ashamed and beyond LAME, I called to make an appointment with the therapist my kids have been seeing since the separation.  With his help, I started working through some of my anxiety.  I had long, painful discussions with a couple very astute and wise friends.   I started recognizing the essence of what was really going on here:

Vulnerability.   It's apparently my Achille's heel.  I've never allowed myself, as in not ever, to be vulnerable.  It's a dirty word as far as I'm concerned.  I associate it with utter and complete weakness.   I see it as the being on the losing side.  I view it as an inherent personality flaw.  NOT for others, mind you.   Of course not.  Just for ME.  It's just not something I want in MY life.  And thus, as I struggled and fought hard against allowing myself to have ANY feelings of ineptitude, fear, anxiety, sadness, and stress, I was doing so simply to avoid feeling vulnerable.  

My whole sense of identity had been wrapped up in being a strong, capable, confident, powerhouse of a woman. If I allowed feelings of vulnerability slip into my psyche then who was I really?  And what did that mean about how I viewed myself and how others might view me?  I'd spent my whole life erecting these walls to protect myself.  This fortress around my heart to keep it safe and secure from those who could potentially cause it harm.  I very diligently kept myself guarded from the outside world and only sparingly allowed those whom I deemed trustworthy to enter the inner sanctum of my soul.    If I suddenly allowed that to change, then everything I knew about myself, and how I functioned in the world at large would have to be restructured.  And where did that leave me in the equation?  And how could I ever come to terms with me not only viewing myself as being vulnerable but also allowing OTHERS to view me as having vulnerability?  This was all *quite* distasteful to me.   I wasn't sure if I was more disgusted with my pathetic 48 hr cryfests or with the thought of people viewing me as anything other than a pillar of strength.  Frankly, they both felt equally appalling.

And then, after long discussions with good friends, after countless sleepless nights in deep reflection and introspection, during sessions of self analysis with my therapist AND then finally, watching a video which proved to be the final piece of the puzzle, I had a moment of epiphany.

The video in question was THIS.

It all suddenly made sense.  I was able to fully come to terms with my transformation.  With my metamorphosis.  I now understand the role of vulnerability in my life.  I accept it.  I own it.  And I feel like my old self again.  Only better.  I don't view vulnerability as a weakness anymore.  In fact, I feel more secure as a person now that I am willing and able to let myself feel vulnerable at times instead of having my own internal Battle Of The Titans trying to keep it at bay.  In a strange, ironic kind of way, letting myself be vulnerable has allowed me to feel better about myself and my circumstances and even, yes, dare I say, stronger.  Seems counter-intuitive doesn't it?  I certainly can't wrap my brain around it.  And I'm not going to try to understand it.  I'm going to actually just leave that one alone and let it be.  :)

So, rather than pretending (or trying to convince myself) that this journey is easy and that I'm doing "just fine" and everything is great, I'm now willing to acknowledge (to myself and to others) that it is actually, at times, incredibly difficult and very painful, not to mention scary.   That I most definitely struggle sometimes.  That not every day is filled with joy and light.  Essentially, I'm in the process of growing a new set of wings.  And that process, while magical and beautiful, can be quite challenging and incredibly painful.  All growth has moments of deep pain.  Allowing yourself the grace to sit in and absorb that pain (rather than trying to ignore or fight it off) makes you get past the pain much, much faster.  I've learned this the hard way.  And I'm hoping that by sharing my difficulties and challenges in understanding this all important lesson can help someone else who might be as stubborn, obstinate and proud as me.   Don't fight it.  Let it wash over you.  Let yourself sink into it for as long as you need to.  Let it open your eyes and SEE the things you don't want to see, and FEEL the things you don't want to feel.  You will GROW from this.  You will gain insight.  You will evolve.  And, eventually, you will soar.

Benjamin (& his big brother Lucas)

Nearly 3 years ago I was at this incredibly sweet family's house taking newborn pictures of Lucas.  This time I was there to capture memories of their newest addition to the family, little Benjamin.   It was such a time warp for me to be able to talk and interact with Lucas considering the last time I had seen him, he was just a few days old!  And boy did we talk!   Mark my words, this little boy is the next Steve Jobs, or something equivalent...  I was completely captivated and beguiled by his brilliance, expansive vocabulary and inimitable witty charm.   This boy is, quite simply, amazing.    I found myself wanting to stay long after the shoot just to have the distinct pleasure of being able to continue to interact with him and observe, in awe, his brain working in ways I've never seen a nearly 3 yr old brain function.   I was utterly and completely mesmerized by this child.  Before I left he drew me a picture, of a section of a train, not the whole train, because he intended to do different parts on different pieces of paper and then mail them to me one at a time so I could slowly assemble the full train.  I had him sign the drawing for me, which he happily did.  It's on my fridge.  And one day, when he's famous for discovering the cure for cancer or finding a way to turn mud into renewable energy, it'll be worth a pretty penny! HA!

But, I digress.  Little Benjamin is likely to be just as astute as his big brother because he only slept for a few minutes out of the 5 hrs I was there.  He spent most of the time awake and alert and intensely observant of his surroundings.   

Mom and Dad are two of the sweetest, kindest, warmest people I have ever met.   There is possibly no greater feeling than to have a client look you right in the eye as you are saying your goodbye's and have them tell you, with unmatched depth of sincerity and appreciation: "thank you for your art."    In response, I'd like to thank them for a most delightful shoot and having had the opportunity to capture some fabulous moments for them because they were willing to be so authentic, open and genuinely themselves with me.  It's THAT recipricol relationship and symbiotic dynamic which creates the art you see here. 

Much love to you F. family and ENJOY your images!

Mindy & Steven

Mindy and I met thanks to my dear friend Noelle (wedding planner extraordinaire at Eventscapes) who connected us knowing that we would hit it off.    And that, my friends, is the understatement of the year.  Our initial meeting consisted of several hours of laughter, incessant chit chat and some pretty raunchy jokes.  When I felt the need to reassure her that I would have the necessary decorum and requisite professionalism on the actual day of her wedding she deadpanned: "if you suddenly decide to get a stick up your butt, you're fired."  And that pretty much cemented what is sure to be a lifelong friendship.   I have a certain fondness for take charge, slightly OCD, confident, funny, brilliant, witty women and Mindy fits the bill in every respect.  

In characteristic charm, when we discussed what she envisioned as her PERFECT wedding day, she waved a hand at me and said: "Perfect!? Girl, we're just going for memorable at this point."   LOVE. HER.

Between her and Steven, they are a veritable Brady Bunch, only their version includes 5 sons and 1 daughter between the two of them.  I can barely maintain my sanity just getting my two kiddos out the door every morning for school so I do not know how one gets SIX CHILDREN to school on time.  Seriously.  They deserve some kind of award.

The wedding was exactly as I had imagined it would be: full of love, laughter, chaos and an abundance of charm.  I hope I was able to capture that for them so that they can remember exactly how "memorable" it indeed was.   The wedding was held in the backyard patio of Mindy's parents' house and then we walked the three short blocks down to the beach to finish off the day with a few beach portraits.  All in all, an absolutely lovely, fun, laughter filled day with everyone on their best behavior.  And by that I mean Mindy was on her best behavior.....  :)

Mindy & Steven, I wish you the very best!!!  

 

CLICK HERE TO VIEW SLIDESHOW!!!

How getting divorced made me a better mom.

Yeah, I guess that's a pretty inflammatory statement huh?  Bear with me....

I've never posted anything remotely political or controversial on my blog here but I've recently read several articles that have been so utterly and completely repulsive to me that I feel compelled to respond to them.   

The first article (which you can read HERE) laid out how a Republican Senator in Wisconsin is proposing a bill that would label single parenthood as CHILD ABUSE.  Yes, you read that right.  Go read the article. I swear I'm not making this up.

The second article (which you can read HERE) was a well thought out response to best selling author Penelope Trunk's assertion that divorce is "selfish & immature", and something "dumb people do" and it is  "likely a sign of mental illness" for those who choose it.  

Where do I even begin?????  Seems there is continued (growing) momentum for a recent (frightening) political "trend" in which attacking single parenthood, and specifically single working moms, has become standard protocol.   As one of those hard working, fully functional members of society who happens to fall into that category I am appalled and disgusted by this trend.  I also need to call a spade a spade with regard to the true intentions behind these asinine remarks.   Let's be perfectly clear, this isn't just an attack on single moms, this is an attack on ALL independent, courageous, hard working, self sufficient, intelligent women.  Which probably includes YOU.   It's just an offshoot of the latest stream of political attacks designed and orchestrated to belittle women's rights, their private/personal choices and seize control over their lives and bodies.

 I, for one, am not just going to sit here and take it without making myself heard, LOUD AND CLEAR.  As far as I'm concerned saying nothing at all in response to this utter nonsense is just as bad as agreeing with it.  Ergo, this blog post.   

I was married for ten years, a marriage which produced two amazing, wonderful, incredible kids whom I love more than life itself.    I'm not going to delve into the details of why the marriage failed seeing as that information is completely irrelevent to the point I am making here.   I will say that the environment was far from healthy or happy and that the little cottage the kids and I currently live in is a happy, peaceful, conflict-free, fun, wonderfully warm and loving home.  Did I mention HAPPY?   

Listen, I'm not advocating divorce.  I'm not saying single parenting is better than a traditional home.  What I am saying is that happy, well adjusted, fulfilled, secure parent(s) have happy, well adjusted, fulfilled, secure kid(s).  And whatever family arrangement creates that specific dynamic is the one that is the most beneficial to all those affected by it.

I've also discovered some unexpected benefits to being a single mom which I am going to lay out here:

1) Because I don't have my kids with me 24/7, I am able to truly appreciate the time I DO have with them.  I was so deeply shaken the first time they spent a few days away from me and with their dad that I told myself to NEVER EVER forget that feeling.  And now, I absolutely value our time together.  I no longer let the nitty gritty of daily life swallow me whole and grind me down because I know that in less than a week they won't be with me for a few days and I want to maximize the happiness and joy in the time we do have together.   I'm still completely consistent with my parenting style, consequences, rules and standards of behavior but I've adjusted my outlook insomuch that I am way more chilled out about setbacks and issues when they do (inevitably) arise.  My sense of perspective has been further sharpened by our circumstances.

2) I now have a much more reasonable and REALISTIC set of expectations.  The house not being "perfect" doesn't even so much as phase me anymore.  I've got way too much on my plate to sweat the small stuff.  For an OCD + type A personality like me, this is HUGE.  I now function day to day in what I like to call "triage mode".  If it ain't bleeding profusely, then it can wait.  I attend to the priorities and I'm much better at assessing what truly consistutes a priority.   Whereas in the past, dirty dishes sitting in the sink would have totally stressed me out, I can now let them sit there...oh, I dunno, AT LEAST three hours... :)   All joking aside, I immediately stopped taking on too much because I now realize that if I don't regulate my time as efficiently as possible, there is just no way I can attend to everyone's needs as well as my never ending to-do list.  So, I was quickly schooled in the art of saying NO and it feels really good.  Empowering, actually.  I have reclaimed MY TIME and MY LIFE.

3) Speaking of meeting everyone's needs... I've finally learned how to attend to my own needs and make them just as much as a priority as everyone else's.  For ten years I was so focused on being the devoted wife, commited and attentive mother, full time career woman etc.... I completely neglected to take care of myself and make time for ME.  I felt guilty (and was made to FEEL guilty) anytime I went out with a friend and always rushed home worrying about the disaster and chaos awaiting me upon my return.   I now fully recognize how detrimental that was and I'm in such a better space for allowing plenty of me time SANS guilt because I know all too well that if I don't take care of myself then I will collapse from the amount of responsibility on my shoulders.  So, I schedule in my daily workouts (I start off every day with a quick trip to the gym followed by a run on the beach with my dog and it's been absolutely fantastic for my mental health, not to mention my legs look fabulous), my outings with my friends, occasional weekend getaways and small chunks of time devoted to just RELAXING and doing what I enjoy doing with people whose company I enjoy.  It's not always easy coordinating and scheduling this me time but it's kept me calm, sane and balanced during what has been a really tumultuous year.  I attribute my healthy, happy mental and physical space to the fact that I started finally making myself a priority instead of being a martyr taking care of everyone else - except myself.

4) The result of all this self care has been a WAY more relaxed, chilled out, fun and pleasant mom for my kids.  They can easily see how happy I am and they feed off of it themselves.  We have a much more positive outlook on life because the three of us are cohabitating in a loving, peaceful, happy home.    It's amazing how the whole family dynamic can shift when one negative element is removed from the equation.   We laugh, have dance parties, do art, and still attend to all the "not so fun" elements of life (ie: homework and chores) but without the stress and anxiety of the past situation weighing us down.  There is a "lightness" to our little threesome that is new, refreshing and incredibly healthy.

5) As a single mom I am more committed than ever to providing a stable, nurturing home for my kids and I am BETTER able to do that without negative interference.  I am comfortable being both the good cop and the bad cop.   I am at ease in my role as Queen Bee.  There's no one there to undermine my authority and wreck havoc on the really great parenting system that I had long established.  Is that selfish?  Maybe.  But it's also all kinds of awesome-sauce.  Because, frankly, IT WORKS.  My kids don't bother trying to go get a "better" deal from someone else because there is no someone else.  Just me baby.  So, they go with the flow, acquiesce to the inevitable and we can just get it done already without the battles because, ultimately, what I say goes.  The end.

6) I'd much rather be completely self sufficient and do everything around the house and be solely responsible for all the adult tasks/chores and take it all on by myself rather than doing it all in the context of an alleged "partnership" and stewing in resentment for the total lack of help I'm getting.  Since I KNOW I'm responsible for everything, I'm totally ok with just doing it.  So much better than expecting/hoping/asking for some help and not getting it.  Fortunately, I'm able to fill those shoes and am just as capable of cleaning a toilet as I am getting up on a roof to clear out gutters or stacking wood for hours on end.  As a self sufficient and independent woman attending to all these tasks on my own, I am also providing my kids with some really solid role modeling on what women can do/accomplish and showing them the extreme fallacy of gender stereotyping.   There is a great lesson there for my kids, which can only truly be taught through experience and seeing it with their own two eyes rather than just a mere discussion about it.  My kids think I'm Superwoman and you know what? I kinda am.

7) Good, solid parenting has far less to do with the number of parents in the household but much more to do with the QUALITY of the parenting.  To have the audacity to state that single parenting is akin to "child abuse" or that anyone who CHOOSES to be a single parent is mentall ill is incredibly offensive, short sighted and ignorant.   Mathematically speaking, two messed up parents are more likely to cause exponentially the amount of damage to a child's psyche than one single GOOD parent, n'est-ce pas?  Speak to any child psychologist and they will clearly assert that :"The worst situation for kids is when unhappily married parents, particularly those in high-conflict marriages, stay together."

8) I'm not claiming to be a perfect parent.  I have moments of total and complete failure as a mom.  But I can unequivocally claim to have transformed into an even BETTER mom thanks to having removed myself and my kids from an unhealthy situation where everyone was miserable.   

I really hope that the politicians take their heads out from where the sun don't shine and realize that by insulting a large segment of the population, especially the educated, intelligent, employed single working moms WHO VOTE (helllooooooo???) that they are just shooting themselves in the foot.  And it's our imperative, collectively, as MOTHERS and WOMEN, to not let this unfathomable trend gain any more steam.  

/rant.